Clipped Wings & Hidden Demons
by CoolestCatEva
Summary: (AU. HS. Destiel.) A blue-eyed stranger moves to town, and when Dean Winchester tries to befriend him, he quickly realizes that Castiel is hiding a dangerous secret. Slowly but surely, Dean convinces Cas to let him in, but he starts to realize that not all demons are supernatural.
1. Chapter 1: What Are Neighbors For?

**Author's Note:**** Hi everyone this is my first Destiel fanfiction and reviews are greatly appreciated! I would like to thank PandoraTheFox, she has agreed to be my editor so that there are less mistakes for you guys to suffer through. She also writes fantastic Destiel fanfics, so I highly recommend looking up her work on here! Also, I did not draw the cover art, psylockestiel on Tumblr did, so if you like fanart, look her up! Alright, enough from me - happy reading!**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 1: What Are Neighbors For?<strong>

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><p>Dean Winchester woke up that morning the same way he had every morning for the past seventeen years - late. He could hear Sam rushing around downstairs in the kitchen getting ready for his first day in hell (otherwise known as high school).<p>

"Dean! Get up! I can't be late on the first day!"

Dean groaned as he pushed himself out of his warm cocoon of blankets and put on a (mostly) clean pair of jeans and his favorite Metallica shirt.

"Dean?"

"I'm coming! Keep your skirt on, Bitch."

"You're such a jerk!"

Dean chuckled at his kid brother's automatic response and headed downstairs.

"Where are Mom and Dad?" Dean questioned as he raided the pantry for breakfast.

"Work," Sam responded, fiddling with the zipper on his hoodie. "Can we please leave? First period starts in half an hour, and I still need to find my locker and figure out where my classes are."

"Alright, alright, we're going!" Dean held up his hands in mock surrender. He grabbed a package of beef jerky and ruffled Sam's hair as he headed towards the garage.

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><p>Castiel Novak didn't perceive that morning to be any different than usual. He woke up promptly at 6:30, got out of the shower at 6:45, had breakfast cooked by 7:00, and walked out the door at 7:15. As long as there were no unexpected delays, he would arrive at his new high school at 7:30, giving him a good 15 minutes to grab his books and get to first period. Yes, it may have been a new location, but the routine stayed the same. Exactly how Castiel liked it.<p>

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><p>"Sammy, who's the kid in the dirty trench coat?" Dean inquired as he started his baby, a classic '67 Chevy Impala that his dad had passed down to him as soon as he got his license. Dean watched as the scrawny, impeccably dressed teenager walk out of the house next door at exactly 7:15 with his head down. Dean found himself mesmerized by the boy's strange appearance; he wore a suit and tie underneath the tan trench coat which looked one or two sizes too big, and had messy black hair that Dean couldn't help but notice looked incredibly soft. But what truly stupefied him were the boy's eyes - it seemed as though thousands of shades of blue were somehow contained inside his two hypnotic irises.<p>

"I don't know. I think he's the guy who just moved in last month," Sam replied, snapping Dean out of his trance.

Without truly realizing what he was doing, Dean rolled down the window and called out, "Hey neighbor! Need a lift?"

"What are you doing?" Sam whispered.

"Being neighborly," Dean declared. He could feel Sam's questioning gaze, but ignored it as he waited for the blue-eyed boy's answer.

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><p>Castiel jumped at the sound of the gruff voice that called out to him. He looked up in confusion, somewhat shaken up about having been noticed so quickly - he had hoped it would take some time for anyone to even realize he existed. Annoyed, Castiel headed towards the car from which the voice had emanated to see who exactly was noticing a nobody such as himself. When he reached the vehicle's window and leaned down to see into the car, Castiel's heart nearly stopped.<p>

He stared into the emerald-green eyes of the incredibly attractive male who had, for some unknown reason, noticed him. He was tall and sinewy, with short, cropped hair that, although Castiel would never admit it, he found absolutely sexy. He was wearing a slightly large worn leather jacket, most likely a hand-me-down gift from a family member. Castiel stared at the beautiful stranger with his jaw dropped all the way to the ground.

"I'm Dean," the boy said with a smirk, causing Castiel to blush and drop his gaze. "I thought maybe you would want a ride to school, considering it's a mile walk and you're holding about 20 pounds worth of books there," he said slowly, as if he was worried that any sudden movement would cause Castiel to take off sprinting.

Who knew? Maybe he would.

"No, thank you. I enjoy walking, and besides, I wouldn't want to be a nuisance," Castiel forced himself to answer, despite his heart begging him to say just the opposite.

"Dude, it's no trouble. It's not like it's out of the way or anything. And besides," Dean added, glancing over at someone in the passenger seat, "what are neighbors for?"

Castiel stared silently at Dean while he debated the pros and cons of accepting his offer.

_He seems nice enough. What's the harm?_

**_You know what's the harm_**, said a bitter, somewhat mocking voice in Castiel's head. **_You can't get close to people. It's a mistake. It always is._**

_It's just one ride... Who says it needs to mean anything?_

_**Don't be stupid, Cassie. You know you can't separate yourself from your feelings. It's just one of your many flaws.**_

Castiel snapped out of his internal dispute at the sound of Dean's voice.

"Hey, man, you okay?"

A voice from the passenger seat added, "It's really no trouble."

Castiel, having made his decision, responded with a simple, "Thank you, but I must decline."

Dean sighed, gazing upwards as if looking towards the heavens for guidance.

_Don't bother; no one up there is listening,_ Castiel thought bitterly.

Dean turned his head so his gaze fell on Castiel, and he was once again struck by the beauty of the young man's jade eyes.

"Listen man, I didn't want it to come to this, but either you get in the car or I will get out and push you in." Castiel stared into the green eyes, trying to assess how serious Dean was.

"He's not joking," said the voice from the passenger seat, answering Castiel's unasked question.

Castiel ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation as he checked his watch. He let out a frustrated sigh when he realized that he was running far behind schedule.

"I suppose it's in everyone's best interest if I get in the car, seeing as the only way for me to get to school on time now is to accept your gracious offer," Castiel relented as he climbed into the back seat. _Of course, I wouldn't be running late in the first place if these two weren't so stubborn._

"Alright," Dean clapped his hands together. "Off to school we go."

Castiel took the following moment of silence to observe the boy in the passenger seat. He was somewhat short, clearly still awaiting puberty. He had shaggy brown hair and hazel eyes. He seemed a few years younger than Dean and, judging by the textbooks in his lap, smarter as well.

As if sensing Castiel's gaze on him, the boy turned around and smiled.

"I'm Sam," he introduced himself, and then turned to glare at Dean. "You've met my brother."

Castiel felt his heart soften for the boy. He supposed it was because he reminded Castiel of himself when he was younger. Back when he still believed there was good in the world.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sam," he replied. "My name is Castiel."

"Who the hell names their kid Castle?" Dean asked in confusion.

"Not castle," Castiel sighed, although he wasn't truly upset. He doubted he could ever be upset when it came to Dean - one look at those eyes and he could feel his anger melt away. "Castiel, the Angel of Thursday."

"Oh," Dean said in embarrassment.

"What grade are you going into, Castiel?" Sam asked, clearly trying to save Dean from making a bigger fool of himself.

"I'm a junior," he answered. "And you?"

Dean seemed to think this was a good moment to insert himself back in the conversation, and answered Castiel before Sam had the chance.

"Sammy here's a freshman," he said with a slightly malicious grin aimed towards Sam, "and I'm a senior," he added, looking at Castiel in the rear-view mirror.

"Dean, we've been over this. It's Sam. Sammy was a chubby 12-year-old."

"Sorry, what'd you say? I don't speak Little Bitch," Dean retorted with a smirk, breaking eye contact with Castiel.

Castiel stopped listening to the brothers' bickering, figuring that was the end of his role in the conversation. But to his surprise, Dean asked him another question.

"So, you just moved here, right?"

"Yes."

Dean stared at Castiel as if waiting for him to elaborate. Castiel stared in return.

"Okay," Dean replied slowly, as if trying to find a way to save the train wreck that was their exchange, "well, where'd you move from?"

"New York. My mother and I moved here a month ago."

"Just the two of you?" Sam inquired.

Castiel went rigid, not liking where the conversation was headed. "Yes," he said curtly.

Dean, sensing Castiel's discomfort, tried to change the subject. "So, why would someone choose to live in Kansas?" he asked.

"We needed a change of scenery," Castiel replied, feeling the tension leave his body. "Lawrence seemed as good a town as any."

"I suppose it is, if you like farms and afternoons filled with nothing to do," Dean retorted.

Castiel didn't bother to explain that the peace and quiet was exactly why they had chosen Lawrence. He wasn't worried about becoming bored - Castiel could easily find ways to entertain himself - and besides, he would be spending most of his time taking care of his mother.

Yes, Lawrence was exactly what they needed. It was a fresh start, a new beginning, a clean slate. And at least here he knew he was safe.

Or so he thought.


	2. Chapter 2: Welcome Buddies

**Author's Note:**** Hi guys! So it took some time, but I finally finished chapter 2! Reviews are greatly appreciated! Happy reading!**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 2: Welcome Buddies<strong>

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><p>Dean was surprised at how disappointed he was when he parked the Impala in front of Lawrence High School. He was even more surprised when he realized that the root of the disappointment was the thought that he would have to part ways with his strange new acquaintance.<p>

_Why do you care?_ Dean asked himself. _You just met the guy, and besides, he doesn't exactly seem thrilled to know you._

Still, Dean couldn't help but ask, "So, where you headed, Cas?"

Castiel blinked. "I'm going to school, Dean. I thought I had made that clear when I accepted your ride." Castiel looked at building in front of him, and then back at Dean, finally registering something he had said. "What did you call me?"

"Cas? That's just a nickname I came up with for you, since Castiel is such a mouthful," Dean shrugged. "And what I meant was what class are you going to?"

Castiel looked as though he was fighting a losing battle in his own head as he stared at Dean, his eyes swirling with emotions that Dean couldn't recognize. He ran a hand through his hair as he sighed, and answered, "I have Drama Lit Theories with Mr. Crowley. I'm only taking it because it's required in order to graduate," he added, as if he worried Dean would think less of his intelligence because he was taking the course.

Dean tried ignore the way his heart soared and did his best to dim his beaming smile as he replied, "Me too. Wanna walk together?"

Castiel looked Dean over for a minute, as if trying to analyze him. "No, thank you. I have to stop at my locker and go talk to the principal before class for an 'orientation'," he finally responded.

Dean felt his heart deflate in his chest. "Oh. Alright. See you in class, I guess," he said in a way that he hoped sounded nonchalant.

Castiel hesitated as if he had something to say to Dean, but at the last second he turned and walked towards the school entrance without looking back.

Dean didn't even realize he was watching him go until he heard Sammy groan. "What?" he asked, turning away from the blue-eyed boy.

"_Please_ don't tell me you have a crush on the new neighbor," Sam begged. "Leave the poor guy alone. He seems like he's been through enough - he doesn't need you harassing him in an attempt to flirt."

Dean turned as red as a strawberry. "Shut up, _Sammy_," he retorted, embarrassed that Sam could read him so easily. Dean started walking towards the school.

"It's Sam!" He heard his brother call after him in frustration. Dean chuckled and entered the building, leaving Sam's accusations outside.

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><p>Castiel reviewed the morning's events in his mind as he sat outside the principal's office. He certainly hadn't expected to converse with any peers quite so soon, but to his surprise, he hadn't minded the unanticipated intrusion of his morning routine. Hard as he tried, he couldn't force himself to be angry at the two brothers for being so stubborn as to try and befriend him. Baffled, he realized that he wasn't even annoyed - not in the slightest.<p>

_**I told you so. You just can't separate your feelings, you pathetic-**_

"Mr. Novak, I presume? I'm Jody Mills, the principal. Sorry to have kept you waiting."

Castiel looked up at the woman standing in front of him. She was dressed in black pants and a simple button up, with her hair pulled back into a bun. Castiel liked her instantly - he could tell she was down-to-earth, and preferred doing the right thing to doing the popular one. She seemed like the type of person who believed in enforcing justice. Castiel wondered if she had ever considered being a police officer.

"It's not a problem," he replied as he stood up and shook her outstretched hand. "I understand that you have other responsibilities."

Ms. Mills blinked in surprise at his statement. "Thank you," she responded hesitantly, "that's very considerate of you." She gestured towards the door to her office. "Would you mind stepping into my office so we can get started?"

"Not at all," Castiel said as he followed her inside.

As Ms. Mills started explaining all the different courses and extracurricular activities the school offered, Castiel found his mind wandering to thoughts of Dean Winchester. He remembered the way he had said his name - Cas_. No one's called me Cas in years, _he realized sadly as he recalled exactly who had originally given him the name.

_**Awww, is little **__**Cas**_ _**gonna cry? Poor Cas. Poor, poor Cas. Unloved. Unwanted. And with good reason. After all, if it weren't for you, she would still be here. It's your fault. It's all your fault. It's always been your-**_

_Shut up, _Castiel told the demons in his head. _Shut up shut up shut up shutupshutupshutupshutupshut-_

"Mr. Novak? Are you alright?" Ms. Mills concern broke through Castiel's cloud of self-hate and snapped him back to reality.

"Yes, sorry. I'm just rather tired - I was up fairly late reading," Castiel lied.

He saw Ms. Mills' face soften. "Yeah, I've been there," she said with an understanding smile. "Come on, let's get you to your first class at Lawrence High School."

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><p>After Dean had gone through his brother's schedule with him and walked him to his first class, Dean headed to Drama Lit. While he was walking through the dreary halls, he spotted a head covered in familiar bright red hair.<p>

"Is that the Queen of Moondoor I see?" He called out with a grin as he walked towards her.

The redhead turned around with an equally wide grin. "Hell yeah it is, peasant. I recommend you bow down before my knights chop off your head," she joked.

Dean laughed, and picked her up in a bear hug. "How was Comic Con?"

"You tell me," she said mischievously, showing him her tattoo of Princess Leia in a bikini straddling a 20-sided die.

"I'd say it was pretty damn good," he replied with a chuckle. "How've you been, Charlie?"

Charlie smiled. "Can't complain. What about you? Pick up any hot dates while I was gone?"

"Nah - you know there's are no single girls left in Kansas," He said with a wink. "Or guys, for that matter."

Charlie sighed. "It's no fair," she said crossly. "The fact that you're bisexual really makes it a tough competition for straight AND gay people."

"Hey, I can't help the fact that I'm an ungodly attractive male who happens to be attracted to all genders," Dean shrugged.

"You're ungodly annoying is what you are," she retorted. She glanced over Dean's head to look at the clock. "Shit, I gotta go. I'll see you at lunch!" She called over her shoulder as she turned her back on Dean.

"Looking forward to it!" He shouted down the hall to her with a grin. He looked at the clock himself and swore under his breath, and started down the hall towards Drama Lit.

As Dean neared the classroom, he felt as if he had swallowed an entire flock of butterflies at the thought of seeing Cas again.

_Obsessed much? _he asked himself. _**No, I'm just… excited to see my new friend.**_

_Liar, liar, pants on fire._

Dean was snapped out of his thoughts as the bell rang, signaling that class was starting. Within 10 seconds flat, the hallways were completely empty except for Dean and someone else in a familiar tan trench coat ahead of him.

"Cas!" he called. "Wait up!"

Castiel stopped and turned around, surprise flashing across his gorgeous features. "Dean," he acknowledged.

Once Dean caught up to his blue-eyed neighbor, he realized that Cas was not alone.

"Oh. Hi, Ms. Mills," He said with a sheepish grin.

"Late on the first day, Winchester?" Ms. Mills said with a raised eyebrow. "Is that really how you want to start your last year at Lawrence High?"

"No, ma'am," Dean mumbled, slightly ashamed.

Ms. Mills shook her head, deciding to change the subject. "So, I see you already know our newest student."

"Yep," Dean replied, smiling at Cas. "We're neighbors." His grin widened at the blue-eyed boy's obvious embarrassment.

"So I guess you wouldn't mind showing Mr. Novak around, then? Walk him to and from each class to make sure he doesn't run into any trouble? You'd be excused from any tardiness, of course," Ms. Mills offered.

"That sounds great, Ms. Mills," Dean beamed.

Cas jumped in, saying, "That's very kind, but totally unnecess-"

"It's decided, then," Ms. Mills announced with a clap of her hands. "Dean will be your welcome buddy, Mr. Novak. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have other matters to attend to. This school doesn't run itself, you know!" With that, she turned her back on the boys and walked away.

Dean smiled at Cas's terrified expression. "So, shall we get to class?"

Castiel stared in horror at Dean.

Dean laughed. "I'm not gonna bite, Cas. Come on," he said as he swung an arm around the younger boy and pulled him towards the classroom. "You're gonna love it here."

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><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** If there are any other ships you guys would like to see, feel free to suggest them!**


	3. Chapter 3: Angel

**Chapter 3: Angel**

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><p>Castiel stared at the hand on his shoulder in shock. "Could you please let go of me, Dean? I'm not comfortable with this invasion of personal space," he asked in a tight voice.<p>

"Aww, Cas, now you've gone and hurt my feelings," Dean sighed, reluctantly dropping his arm.

Castiel stopped and ran a hand through his hair, confused at his reaction to Dean's closeness. He hated being touched, but when Dean touched him… well, "let go" wasn't exactly the first thought that came to his mind.

_Where is that drumming noise coming from? _Cas wondered. _It's so very loud and fast._

_**That's called your heartbeat, dumbass. Now slow it down, before you pass out or do something equally stupid.**_

Castiel looked up at Dean and was startled to see two green eyes already staring straight at him, gleaming with an unfamiliar look. Castiel felt his heartbeat start to speed up once again.

"Shall we get to class?" he heard himself ask.

The green eyes crinkled as Dean grinned. "We shall," he responded, linking his arm with Castiel's.

But this time, Castiel didn't tell Dean to let go.

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><p>Dean led Cas to Crowley's room, ridiculously happy to be touching the blue-eyed enigma. When they got to the classroom door, Dean paused.<p>

"Cas, word to the wise - do NOT get on Crowley's bad side," he warned. "The guy's a freaking demon."

Castiel looked at Dean as if sizing him up. "Thank you, Dean," he said hesitantly, as if thinking Dean had some unknown motive for giving Cas this tidbit of knowledge.

Dean beamed, loving the way his name sounded when it was this blue-eyed angel saying it.

_Angel? You're calling him an angel now? Careful, Dean. You don't want to scare off your newfound crush. __**Shut up.**_

Dean opened the classroom door for Cas. "After you," he grinned.

"Thank you," Cas replied, looking at him as if he was walking into Hell and Dean was the one who had led him there.

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><p>Castiel walked into the room with his head down, hating the attention that came with being the new kid. Of course, it probably didn't help that he was walking in several minutes late with what seemed to be the most popular guy at school. Castiel tried his best not to notice Dean waving to different people in the class with an easy-going smile on his face.<p>

"And who might you be?" a gravelly voice with a slight accent (Scottish? British? Castiel couldn't tell) asked.

"This is Castiel Novak," Dean answered before Castiel had the chance. "We're neighbors," he said with a grin.

Castiel didn't know why Dean kept telling people that. In fact, Castiel didn't know much of anything about Dean Winchester. Usually it was so easy for him to read people - like with Sam and Ms. Mills. He could instantly tell what kind of person they were, and whether or not they could be trusted. Castiel prided himself on being able to read people so easily. But with Dean, Castiel couldn't tell anything. He didn't know why Dean felt the need to try and befriend him, he didn't know why he was always smiling, and he _definitely_ didn't know why Dean kept looking at him.

"Dean Winchester. Always a pleasure," the accented voice said rather sarcastically. With that he turned to Castiel. "Ah, yes. Our newest student. I'm Mr. Crowley. I was told you would be late to my class - please pardon my lapse in memory. You, on the other hand," Crowley turned towards Dean, "you have no excuse to be late."

Castiel started to realize that Dean must be on Crowley's bad side.

"It was my fault, sir," Castiel jumped to Dean's rescue. "Ms. Mills assigned him to help me find all my classes, and I had to stop at my locker before we came here."

_**Lying? Really, Castiel, that's so beneath you.**_

_Well, it was partly true._

Crowley turned back to Castiel, his scowl dropping. "Oh. Well, don't let it happen again."

"It won't," Dean said in a voice laced with false innocence.

As, Mr. Crowley started to go over the syllabus, Castiel headed to an open desk and sat down. The boy sitting next to him leaned over and gave him a blinding smile. "Hi. I'm Balthazar," he said in a British accent, holding out his hand for Castiel to shake.

_What is with all the accents?_ Castiel asked himself.

"Dean Winchester," Dean said as he took the seat behind Castiel, shaking Balthazar's hand. "I'm Cas's neighbor."

"Ya, I got that," Balthazar said, giving Dean an annoyed look.

Castiel turned away from both of them, trying to pay attention to the lesson.

And that's when the tapping started.

Apparently, Dean Winchester liked to tap his pen on his desk and hum along to some song in his head during class.. And the reason Castiel knew this was because Dean was humming right in his ear. He had slumped forward in his desk, putting a mere 6 inches between the two of them. Castiel didn't recognize the song, but he did recognize the fact that it was driving him crazy.

"Could you please stop that?" He turned around and whispered to Dean.

"Sorry, what?" Dean said a few seconds later, seeming to have snapped out of some kind of trance. He leaned forward a little more.

Castiel suddenly realized that there was now less than 4 inches between them. "Um," he said, momentarily forgetting what he was going to say.

"Castiel," said a voice to his left. Castiel turned away from Dean to look at Balthazar. "Is this bloke bothering you? Because if so, I will gladly knock him into next week." Dean glowered at the British boy.

Castiel opened his mouth to answer.

"Boys," said Crowley. "Is there something you would like to share with the class?"

"No, sir," Dean said. "Cas was just politely asking me if I could stop tapping my pen when Balthazar came in and tried to distract him from the lesson."

"Is this true, Balthazar?" Crowley asked, eyebrows raised.

"Absolutely not, Mr. Crowley! I would never try and distract someone from learning the glory of theater. I was just asking Castiel if Dean was bothering him,seeing how he was being so obnoxious while Castiel was trying to pay attention to your lesson," Balthazar said defensively.

Castiel, on his part, was thoroughly confused.

"Mr. Novak? Is that what happened?" Crowley questioned.

Castiel could feel himself blushing from all of the attention. "Yes. I turned to ask Dean to stop tapping his pen, and then Balthazar asked if he was bothering me."

"Well," Mr. Crowley said, "is this seating arrangement going to cause problems in the future?"

"No, sir," the three boys replied simultaneously.

"Good. Because if it does, you won't find me to be quite so forgiving a second time," Crowley threatened.

The rest of class was uneventful, much to Castiel's relief. He sat quietly at his desk, reading _To Kill A Mockingbird _for what was probably the 15th time. When the bell rang, he gathered his things and quickly walked towards the door.

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><p>When Dean looked up, Cas was already out the door. He ran to catch up with him, slowing down when he neared his trench coated friend.<p>

"So, where to next?" Dean asked.

Cas jumped at the sound of his voice, and turned to face him.

"You do _not_ have to walk me to class," Cas said firmly. "I will be quite alright on my own."

"I'm not walking you to class because I have to, Cas," Dean said with a smile. "I'm doing it because I want to. I'm your friend. I'm here to help."

Cas stiffened at the word 'friend'. "I do not," he hissed, "have _friends_. Nor do I want any. I understand that you are trying to be nice and you think you're helping, but please, just leave me alone," he begged, his blue eyes filled with so much sadness that all Dean wanted to do was pull him in a hug and keep him safe from the world.

"Cas," Dean said in a voice laced with confusion and hurt, his hand reaching for the younger boy.

"_STOP CALLING ME THAT!" _Castiel exploded. "My name is CASTIEL. Not Cas, not Cassie - CASTIEL. _Do you understand?_"

Dean stared in shock at Cas. "Yes," he whispered. "Yes, I understand."

And with that, Dean watched Cas turn his back on him and storm away, thoroughly confused and slightly heartbroken.

_**Way to go, Dean. You scared your angel away.**_


	4. Chapter 4: Damn Good Advice

**Author's**** Note: Hi guys. I wanted to publish this chapter quickly because I will be out of town (and away from my laptop!) for a few days. I will hopefully publish Chapter 5 sometime next week. Happy reading!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: Damn Good Advice<strong>

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><p>Castiel stormed off, grateful that his next class was study hall. He was so furious that he doubted he would be able to focus on anything his teachers had to say. It was all Dean's fault. Why did he have to be so nosy and pushy and obnoxious and rude and <em>why did Castiel's heart beat a million times a minute when he was near him?<em> Couldn't he see that his kindness was causing Castiel so much grief?

But if he was honest with himself, Castiel knew he was far more angry with himself than with Dean Winchester. He hadn't wanted to hurt the green-eyed boy, but it was the only way he could get Dean to leave him alone. And he really needed Dean to leave him alone - for good.

Castiel entered the classroom several minutes before the bell and sat in his assigned seat. He pulled out his book, hoping to forget all about Dean Winchester using the brilliant literary works of Harper Lee. Unfortunately, it seemed that his mind had a different idea.

_Did you really have to yell at him like that? He just looked so hurt… maybe you should apologize._

_**I did what I had to do. He was getting too close - it's better for everyone this way.**_

_You mean safer._

_**Safer is better. I'm just trying to protect him.**_

_No, you're protecting yourself. Admit it - you don't want him to find out about Claire._

Castiel's heart stopped.

_**Of course I don't want him to find out. I don't want anyone to find out. I don't even want to think about Claire.**_

But despite Castiel's desperate attempts, he couldn't stop the memories from flooding out of the dam he had spent so much time building around them.

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><p>"<em>Cas!" a young voice called. "Cas?"<em>

"_I'm right here, Claire," he said with a smile, climbing down the stairs to pick his 2-year-old sister up out of her play pen._

"_Can you pwease pway wiff me?" Claire asked, looking up at him with her beautiful blue eyes that were so similar to Castiel's._

_He laughed at her mispronunciation, amused by her adorableness._

"_Of course," he responded. "I'd love to."_

_Claire kissed him on the nose, total adoration for her big brother gleaming in her eyes._

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><p>Castiel was ripped from memories of his sister by a familiar British voice.<p>

"Castiel?"

Castiel looked up only to find Balthazar in front of him. "Hello, Balthazar. Can I help you with something?"

Balthazar slid into the desk in front of Castiel's. "Yes, actually. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out at my place sometime."

Castiel blinked. "Excuse me?"

Balthazar smiled a blinding smile. "I feel that we could be the best of friends, if you wanted to be," he explained. Then, leaning forward, he whispered, "Or, perhaps, something more?"

Castiel was stunned. "Is that a flirtation?" he asked, utterly confused.

Balthazar winked. "It could be," he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "So, what do you say?"

Castiel blushed. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I must decline your… offer," he said uncertainly.

Thankfully, the bell rang and Balthazar stood up to get to his seat. But right before he walked away, he grabbed a pen off a nearby desk and turned back to Castiel.

"Here's my number, in case you change your mind," he said as he wrote ten digits on Castiel's arm. And with that, Balthazar walked away, leaving behind a thoroughly puzzled Castiel as he stared in horror at the numbers inked on his skin.

_**Great job, Castiel. Way to go unnoticed.**_

This was _not_ how he had wanted his first day to go. And it was only second period.

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><p>Dean sat in Algebra II and contemplated what had happened with Cas. He couldn't shake the blue-eyed boy's anguished look, and he doubted he would ever be able to forget the look of pure rage when Cas yelled at him. Just thinking about it made him wince.<p>

_**Well, you WERE being really annoying. He tried to get you to leave him alone…**_

_But it seemed like there was more to it than that. It was like he was… afraid._

_**Maybe because he thought he wouldn't be able to get you to stop harassing him.**_

_I don't know…_

Dean spent the rest of class racking his brain for what Castiel could possibly be afraid of. When the bell rang, he headed to English, searching in vain to find his neighbor among the crowd as he walked the halls.

When he reached his classroom, he was relieved to see a friendly face - albeit not the one he had been looking for.

Dean plunked down in the seat next to Benny Lafitte. "I was wondering when you'd show your ugly face," he said with a smile.

Benny grinned at Dean and said in a slow Southern drawl, "It's good to see you, brother."

"How you been, Benny?"

"Can't complain. What about you, Dean? You seem a little off," Benny replied.

"I'm fine, Benny," Dean lied, trying to shake off his apparently obvious misery.

"Dean," Benny drawled, "I know you. Something is clearly eatin' at you. Now out with it."

Dean sighed, and opened his mouth to spin another lie when the bell rang, signaling the start of third period. The English teacher came stumbling in, clearly suffering from a hangover.

"Today is a day to get to know your classmates. Tomorrow, we will dive into the works of Charles Dickens. Please, try to keep the volume at a reasonable level," Mr. Shurley said. He then proceeded to fall asleep at his desk. The students resumed conversations with each other, a buzz falling over the classroom.

_Damn. The one time I actually __**want**_ _a teacher to lecture._

Benny stared at Dean, waiting for an explanation. Dean opened his mouth to tell an untruth when something stopped him.

_Screw it. Maybe he can help me figure out what's up with Cas._

So Dean came clean. He told Benny everything - the car ride, Ms. Mills asking him to be Cas's "welcome buddy", him jumping in to protect Cas from that douchebag Balthazar, and finally, Castiel's seemingly random explosion. When Dean finished, Benny sat and stared at the ceiling, mulling it all over.

"So, what you're saying," Benny confirmed, "is that you've got yourself a crush on your new neighbor, and now you're heartbroken that he doesn't seem to return the feeling?"

"What? No!" Dean blushed. "Why does everyone keep asking if I have a crush on Cas? I'm just trying to be his friend!"

"Uh huh," Benny said, unconvinced. "And tell me, what does this Castiel fella look like?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Humor me, brother."

Dean sighed, and then started to describe Cas, picturing him in his mind. "Well, he's a little shorter than me, but not by a lot. He wears this tan trench coat over a full-on suit, and the trench coat is kinda big on him, so it makes him look smaller than he actually is. He's sort of scrawny, but still well-built, from what I could tell. His hair is either a really dark brown or black - I'm not sure which. And it's messy. Like, MAJOR bedhead. And his eyes," Dean paused, entranced by the memory of the blue eyes. He swallowed. "It's like God stole every shade of blue in the world and put them into his eyes."

Benny started laughing.

"What?" Dean said defensively.

"You're telling me you don't like him? Not even a little?" At Dean's nod of affirmation, Benny continued, "Then why do you talk about him like he's some angel of the Lord? For God's sake, Dean, you can't even say his name without smiling!"

Dean sputtered in outrage. "I don't- he's not- I mean- I just-"

Benny cut him off with a chuckle. "Whatever you say, brother," he yielded. "But hear me out on this - if you do like this Castiel, don't give up on him. From the sound of it, he's not used to folks treatin' him kindly. My guess is he was worried you had some sort of ultimatum and wanted to ditch you before things turned ugly," Benny shrugged.

Dean thought over what he said, a small smile slowly creeping onto his face. "Thanks Benny," he grinned. "That's some damn good advice."

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><p><strong><span>Author's Note:<span> so, I've had some people ask for Jo/Charlie & Sam/Jess, so I will be working those in :) hope you liked this chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5: Oddball

**Author's Note:Sorry this took so long to publish. The past week has been super hectic, and I didn't have a whole to of time to write. Hopefully, the length of this chapter makes up for length of time you guys had to wait. Happy reading!**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 5: Oddball<strong>

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><p>Lunch wasn't until 6th period, which meant Dean had to suffer through three more classes after his epiphanous chat with Benny. When US History finally ended, he raced to the cafeteria, wanting to get there before his brother so that Sammy wouldn't be alone.<p>

Dean spotted his friends sitting at a table near the edge of the lunchroom. He strolled over, taking his time as he looked around for his younger brother's shaggy hair.

"Dean!" Dean turned and saw Bela Talbot waving him over. He sighed. _Can't she take a hint?_

Dean met Bela at a party a few years back, when he caught her trying to steal his wallet while he flirted with her. She was crazy hot, but also just plain crazy. After a few one-night-stands that didn't turn out to be so one-night-y, Dean ended it, but for some reason she delusionally thought that he was just playing hard to get.

Dean waved, hoping to leave it at that; unfortunately, it seemed that God was a cruel man because just then Bela's tablemates noticed who she was waving to.

"Winchester!" called Alastair, the local bully. "Get your ass over here!"

Dean looked longingly at his friends' table, but headed towards Bela's. He knew that if he didn't go now, it would just cause more grief later.

"Hey guys," Dean said when he reached the group.

"Dean," Josie Sands smiled at him.

Dean liked Josie, once upon a time. She had been kind, witty, and fun - not to mention absolutely gorgeous. But once they got to high school, she did a complete 180, becoming cruel and heartless, insisting everyone call her Abaddon because she thought it sounded badass. If Dean didn't know any better, he would say she had been possessed.

He nodded in acknowledgement. "What's up?" he asked, addressing the group once more.

"We were just wondering if you wanted to ditch those lame-ass geeks you hang out with and sit with us for a change," Alastair grinned.

"Just like old times," Bela said as she batted her eyelashes.

"Yeah, no thanks," Dean refused. "I actually like those lame-ass geeks, so…"

"Oh, come on!" Lilith, Alastair's girlfriend, protested. "We all used to be so close, Dean! Until you insisted on being into guys," she added with a roll of her eyes, as if he had come out as bisexual specifically to annoy her.

Dean felt his anger flare. Yes, he had been friends with these douche bags once - he considered it a low point in his life. It was during his first two years of high school, back when he still cared about appearances and popularity. Once he accepted the fact that he was gay, he tried to tell his so-called "friends" only to have them laugh in his face and call him a faggot. It was around then he met Charlie. She helped pull him out of his cloud of misery, introducing him to her group of friends. _His_ group of friends.

"I don't think so," he said, trying to keep his anger at bay. "Bye now," he said as he turned and walked away, trying to settle the rage that had grabbed a hold of him.

Dean was so focused on his fury that he stopped watching where he was going, causing him to bump into something solid. No, not something - someone.

"Sorry, buddy," he said reflexively. He looked down into a familiar pair of blue eyes. Instantly, he felt all his fury melt away as he smiled at the stunning (and slightly stunned) Castiel Novak.

"Cas!" he said in obvious delight.

Castiel glared at him, reminding him of their previous conversation. "Sorry - Castiel," Dean quickly amended.

Cas sighed and ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. "It's fine," he said curtly as he tried to walk away.

Dean grabbed Cas's hand. "Wait," he pleaded. "I'm sorry about earlier - I didn't mean to upset you. I just want to be your friend." Castiel furrowed his eyebrows at the word "want," as if surprised by the present-tense. "Can we just start over?" Dean asked.

Cas looked away from Dean, obviously uncomfortable. "I... don't think that's best," Castiel said hesitantly, unknowingly shattering Dean's heart with one simple sentence.

"Please, Cas?" Dean begged softly.

Castiel winced. "Please don't call me Cas," he whispered, his face riddled with guilt. _What's that about?_

"If I stop calling you Cas, will you come eat lunch with me and my friends?" Dean bargained.

Castiel ran a hand through his hair. _I'm starting to see why it's so messy._ "I suppose so," he agreed reluctantly.

Dean beamed. "Great!" he said, his heart filling with joy.

Castiel looked down at Dean's hand gripping his. "Now, can you please let go?" he requested in obvious discomfort.

Dean laughed. "Sure," he replied as he let go of Castiel's hand and grabbed onto his arm. "Come on," he said jubilantly. "There are some people I want you to meet."

* * *

><p>Castiel allowed Dean to lead him towards a table filled with a variety of people that he assumed were Dean's friends. He sat at the end of the table, Dean plopping down next to him.<p>

"Everybody," Dean addressed the table, "this is Castiel Novak, my new neighbor."

"Nice to meet you, Castiel," said a perky redhead, holding out a hand for Castiel to shake. "I'm Charlie Bradbury."

"The pleasure is all mine," Castiel said politely as he took her outstretched hand.

"You're new in town?" Charlie inquired.

"Yes. My mother and I moved here about a month ago," Castiel replied.

"Where'd you move from, Castiel?" a voice to his left asked.

Castiel turned towards the owner of the voice, a young man with blue eyes, light brown hair, and stubble that he clearly hadn't bothered to shave in quite some time. He spoke as if he was raised in New Orleans. "New York," Castiel answered. "And you are?"

"Benny Lafitte," Benny said. "What's a city folk like you doing in a small town like Lawrence?" he asked, hostility laced in his voice.

"Knock it off, Benny," Dean glared.

"It's fine, Dean," Castiel said coolly. "We moved here because we needed some peace and quiet, which is quite hard to come by in the city."

"Well, you definitely came to the right place," said a pretty blond girl with brown eyes. "I'm Jo, by the way. And this is my brother, Ash," she gestured to the boy sitting next to her who was sporting a mullet and a sleeveless shirt.

"Adopted brother," Ash corrected. "Don't let people walk around thinking we share the same DNA, Jo. It could ruin my reputation!"

"What reputation?" Dean snorted. Ash shot him a murderous look.

Dean ignored him and scanned the table. "Anybody seen Sammy?" he asked.

"Ya, he walked in with some blond cutie while you were busy talking to those assholes," Charlie answered.

"Sammy with a pretty girl? You must need your eyes checked, Charles," Dean retorted.

"It's true," Ash jumped in. "Look, you can see for yourself. He's right there," he pointed to a table behind Dean.

Dean turned around and let out a low whistle. "Well, I'll be damned," he grinned. "Little Sammy's all grown up. I'm so proud."

Castiel looked where Ash had pointed and saw the boy from the car ride sitting with a group of what appeared to be his friends. Right next to him was a petite blond who was laughing at something he had said.

Before Castiel could stop himself, he heard himself asking, "You believe your brother and that girl view each other as romantic interests? Why? Simply because they sat together? We're sitting together, and it's not like we're interested in one another."

When he received no response, he turned and found the table staring at him in amusement. "What?" he asked, looking to Dean to explain what they were all gawking at.

To his confusion, Dean refused to look at him, choosing to stare at the table instead. _I__s he blushing? Why?_

"You're kind of an oddball, aren't ya Castiel?" Benny asked, changing the subject.

If looks could kill, then Dean would be convicted for murder by the way he was glowering at Benny.

Castiel considered the question. "I suppose so," he answered with a shrug. "I don't seem to fit in with my peers very well, most likely a result of my 'oddness'. However, I have found that my 'oddness' is merely caused by my differences to the general population, such as my superior intelligence and good manners. So, according to most people, yes. I am, indeed, an 'oddball', as you put it."

Again, he found that all eyes were on him. He shifted uncomfortably. Finally, Charlie smiled at him. "Where'd you find this guy, Dean?"

"I told you - he's my neighbor," Dean replied.

"Well that explains it," Charlie said, a mischievous glint in her brown eyes. "There's no other way someone like you could possibly know someone as awesome as Castiel here."

_Awesome? Did I hear her correctly?_

Dean stole a fry off of Jo's plate and threw it at Charlie. "Shut up."

"Hey!" Jo protested. "Don't use _my_ food to attack _my_ best friend."

"Please," Dean smirked. "Charlie is clearly _my_ best friend. As for your food," he shrugged. "Collateral damage of friendly fire."

"Go to hell," Jo growled in annoyance.

"Girls, girls!" Charlie interrupted. "Don't fight over me! Dean," she said solemnly. "I'm sorry to inform you, but Jo is my best friend. After all, she is more my type," she added with a wink.

Jo blushed. "Knock it off, Charles."

Dean gasped. "I am _hurt_!" he proclaimed. "This is an outrage! Being demoted because I'm a guy - that's so sexist!"

This back-and-forth banter went on for quite some time, Castiel sitting in silence observing the strange interactions. They all made fun of each other, but somehow managed not to be cruel or hurtful. _How?_

Castiel was still pondering the dynamics of the group when Dean broke him free from his thoughts. "Aren't you hungry, Cas...tiel?" He hurriedly attempted to fix his mistake, clearly not wanting to break their deal.

Castiel looked around and realized that everyone had something to eat - even Dean was stealing food from his friends. Castiel shrugged. "I'm not hungry," he lied. _Also, lunch isn't really a top priority of mine._

Dean looked at him as if he had sprouted a second head and it was speaking Japanese. "Not hungry?" he repeated, incredulous. "How?"

"Just because your stomach's a bottomless pit, Dean, doesn't mean everyone else's is," Ash teased.

Castiel scanned the room, looking for a clock (he wanted to know how much time he had left with the group - they were quite entertaining) when he spotted Balthazar. As if sensing Castiel's eyes, the British boy looked up. When he saw who was staring at him, he winked. Castiel blushed, extremely flustered, and looked down at his arm, staring at the writing left over from his conversation with Balthazar.

Dean noticed him staring at the numbers on his body. "What's that?" he asked suspiciously.

Castiel tried to cover it up. "It's nothing," he said, embarrassed. " In fact, I'm going to go wash it off right now." He abruptly got up and started rushing towards the bathroom.

"That was awful strange," he heard Benny drawl as he walked away.

* * *

><p>As soon as Castiel was out of earshot, Dean turned towards Benny with anger in his eyes. "What the hell, man?" he asked. "Earlier today you were telling me to go for it, and now you're treating Castiel like some kind of criminal. What's your problem?"<p>

"I don't know what you're talking about," Benny said stubbornly.

"Oh, come on. The little jabs, the glares, the insults. They were subtle, Benny, but I know you better than anyone. You don't like him. I just want to know why."

Benny sighed. "I just…" he trailed off.

"You just what?" Dean asked, trying to keep the venom out of his voice.

"I just don't think he's good for you, alright?" Benny snapped. "I mean, you just met the guy today and you're already head-over-heels for him. And from what I've seen, he's either real stupid and genuinely doesn't know how you feel, or he knows exactly what's going on and is just using you. This just all seems really bad."

"I don't think Castiel would manipulate Dean like that," Charlie said thoughtfully. "I think he's just kind of oblivious. I mean, it's pretty obvious the guy doesn't have a lot of friends. Maybe he just doesn't know a whole lot about human interaction."

"Castiel isn't using me," Dean glared at Benny. _He can barely stand to be near me._

Benny looked doubtful. "Alright, brother. Whatever you say," he replied, clearly unconvinced.

* * *

><p>Castiel stood in front of one of the sinks, staring at his reflection. He looked… frazzled. Out of control. Like he needed help.<p>

_**Pull it together. You're better than this.**_

Castiel ran a hand through his hair, trying to make it look a little more presentable. He splashed cold water on his face to reduce the redness in his cheeks. Just as he was about to wash away the ink on his skin, he paused. Not truly understanding why, he pulled out his phone and saved the number. Then, he scrubbed away the cause of his embarrassment in front of Dean.

_Why did I even care if he saw it? Why was I hiding it?_ Castiel didn't know how to answer these questions, which wasn't something he was very happy about. _I'll have to analyze this later, when I have a clear head._

Feeling somewhat better, he headed back to the lunchroom. He sat down at the table and remained quiet for the rest of lunch, trying to ignore the curious looks he kept receiving from Dean.

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><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** Again, sorry for the wait. Also, I would just like to say thank you to anyone that actually likes this story and follows it's progress. It really means a lot to know that people enjoy my writing. Reviews are greatly appreciated! If you have any suggestions or questions, feel free to PM me!**


	6. Chapter 6: Hoping Against Hope

**Author's Note:**** I apologize that this chapter is so short. I promise the next one will be better. I would love to hear what you guys think of the story so far! Reviews are greatly appreciated. Happy reading!**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 6: Hoping Against Hope<strong>

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><p>When the bell signaling the end of lunch rang, Castiel quickly stood up and started to walk away. Dean glanced at his friends. "One sec," he said as he got up to chase Cas down.<p>

When Dean reached Cas, he grabbed his arm to get his attention. "Where you headed?" he asked, not letting go of the slightly shorter boy for fear of him running off again.

"Calculus," Castiel replied, his expression indecipherable. "But Dean, you don't have to-"

"Wait right here," Dean ordered as he turned back around.

Castiel protested. "But-"

"Please, Castiel!" Dean called over his shoulder as he headed back to Charlie and the gang, not turning around to see if Cas had listened or not.

He walked up to Charlie and asked, "LARP this weekend?" He was referring to a game he and Charlie liked to play, where Charlie was the queen of an imaginary realm called Moondoor and he was her general (originally he had been her handmaiden, but he fought that tooth and nail until Charlie relented).

"Def," Charlie said with a smile. "Also, don't think we won't be talking about this," she added with a wink, grinning at Dean's blush.

"I'll see you guys later," he said to the group, and walked back to where he had left Castiel.

Except Cas wasn't there anymore. He looked around in dismay. _Not again. Why does he keep doing this?_ Dean couldn't understand it- Castiel had been _enjoying_ himself. At least, Dean thought he had. Until he stupidly pointed out the writing on Cas's skin. Writing that looked an awful lot like a phone number…

_Stop it. You don't own Castiel. It's none of your business if someone's writing their number on his arm._ But despite his best efforts, Dean couldn't stop the jealousy from bubbling up inside of him, leaving him bitter as he walked alone to his next class.

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><p>Castiel did not feel good about abandoning Dean, but he felt that he hadn't had a choice. Dean's attempt at friendship was appreciated, but Castiel just didn't want it. Waiting for Dean would have meant that Castiel desired his company. It would have symbolized an… attachment. And Castiel didn't want any attachments. They would just make things complicated. Messy. Difficult. Castiel didn't need that in his life. He liked being alone- alone was safe. Alone meant no one could hurt him. But most importantly, alone meant he couldn't hurt anyone else. Yes, Castiel was content with a life filled with loneliness.<p>

Or at least, that's what he told himself.

Castiel continued through his day methodically. He went through the motions, trying to ignore the guilt plaguing his heart. Guilt, and something else. An emotion he couldn't recognize.

_I seem to be having a lot of those lately._

Castiel's day went without anymore unwanted attention until he got to eighth period. As he walked into Intro to Psych with Ms. Pamela Barnes, he felt his stomach drop at the sight of a familiar leather jacket.

_**You idiot. Did you really think you could avoid him forever?**_

Castiel walked with his head down towards the only open desk- which happened to be directly next to Dean.

If Castiel still believed in God, he would have prayed with all his might. As that was not the case, he settled for begging the universe. _Please don't notice me. Please don't notice me. Please don't-_

"Cas," Dean said, his voice somewhat subdued. "I gotta say, I'm surprised to see you, considering your talent for disappearing."

Castiel hesitantly looked up at Dean and felt his breath catch in his throat. For once, he could read Dean's face as easily as he could read any one of his favorite novels. And what he saw wasn't good.

Dean's eyes were filled with… _hurt._ Hurt and confusion and sadness and a million other wretched emotions. Emotions that looked so out of place in his beautiful green eyes.

_And it's all my fault._

_I'm sorry._

Castiel gazed guiltily into Dean's eyes, each negative emotion flitting across them causing him physical pain. Dean stared back, bitterness etched into his normally carefree features.

Feeling light-headed, Castiel remembered to breathe, filling his lungs with much-needed oxygen. Trying to come up with something to say, he snatched at the first thought to form in his mind.

"Please don't call me Cas." _**Idiot**_, he chastised himself.

He watched Dean's eyes fill with anger. "That's all you have to say?" he asked with a harsh tone.

Castiel didn't know what to say. So, he said nothing, instead choosing to stare at his desk rather than facing those angry green eyes. Anger directed at him. Thankfully, the bell rang, and Ms. Barnes stood up from her desk, capturing the class's attention.

"Hello, class," she said as she removed her sunglasses, revealing milky white eyes. Castiel heard a few people gasp and noticed everyone looking towards the teacher with discomfort. "I would just like to establish that the fact that I'm blind doesn't mean I can't see you passing notes and throwing pencils," she continued. "Now, let's begin by going over the syllabus."

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><p>It seemed to Dean that class refused to end. He kept sneaking glances at Cas, hoping to catch the blue-eyed boy's attention, but Cas- stubborn as he was- stared dutifully at the whiteboard, listening to Ms. Barnes and ignoring Dean.<p>

Dean just wanted a chance to talk to Cas. He wanted to know why Cas had ditched him, he wanted to know why Cas couldn't stand the nickname Dean gave him, and he wanted to know why Cas seemed so hell-bent on rejecting Dean's friendship. What had he done to cause Castiel to avoid him as if his life depended on it?

When class finally ended, he was ready. He bolted up and raced out the door, then waited outside the classroom for his enigma of a neighbor. When Castiel walked out a minute later, Dean grabbed his arm to pull him to the side.

At Dean's touch, Castiel flinched and threw his hands up as if to protect himself from an oncoming blow. Dean saw terror flit in and out of Cas's eyes.

"Cas, it's just me!" he said hurriedly, quickly letting go of Cas.

Castiel blinked, snapped out of some kind of trance caused by instinct kicking in, and dropped his arms. Dean's anger dissipated at the look of fear and confusion in Cas's eyes.

"I'm sorry- I didn't mean to scare you," Dean said gently. "Can we talk?"

Cas looked at him with wariness and… guilt? "I have to get to class," he finally answered.

"After school, then," Dean persisted. "We could go to a diner or the library or something. I just really need to talk to you."

Cas hesitated. "I… suppose," he relented.

Dean smiled, glad that he would have an opportunity to try and clear up the mess that was his relationship with Cas. _Not that we're in a relationship._ "Awesome. I have to drive Sammy home, so how about we meet at my car after school? We can drop him off and then go somewhere to talk."

"Alright," Castiel agreed. "I will see you then. Now, I really have to get to class…"

"Right," Dean said. "I'll see you later, then."

Dean watched Cas walk away from him once again, hoping against hope that Castiel would actually show up.


	7. Chapter 7: The Flight of the Bumblebee

**Author's Note: I worked really hard on this chapter to make up for the crappy one I just posted. Again, reviews are greatly appreciated. Happy reading!**

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 7: The Flight of the Bumblebee<span>**

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><p>As Castiel walked towards the school's exit, he couldn't help but ask himself if he was making the right decision.<p>

_Maybe I shouldn't meet with him. It might just make things more confusing._

_**No. You have to make yourself clear. He obviously isn't going to back off on his own, so you need to force him to. Just go up to him and say you don't want to be his friend. Tell him you find him obnoxious and pushy.**_

_So I have to lie? _Castiel thought to himself dejectedly.

_**You have to do whatever it takes. It's better for everyone this way. Remember Castiel, you break everything you touch. You don't want to ruin him too, do you?**_

Castiel stared wistfully towards the Impala- towards _Dean_- as he approached. _That's the last thing I want._

With that thought in mind, Castiel marched up to Dean, determined to end their acquaintanceship. But when he reached Dean, the older boy turned and gave him the most brilliantly beautiful smile Castiel had ever seen. Stunned (and somewhat blinded), Castiel completely forgot everything he had planned on saying, instead staring dumbly at those glistening emerald eyes.

"Glad you showed up," Dean said, still beaming. "Ready to go?"

Castiel snapped out of his trance and nodded, feeling his cheeks burn in embarrassment at his loss for words. Looking anywhere but Dean, he slid into the back seat of the classic car.

"Hey, Castiel," Sam said from the passenger seat as Dean sat behind the wheel. "How's it going?"

Castiel blinked at Sam, still reeling from the memory of Dean's smile. "Fine. And you? I saw you sat with a group of people at lunch. Were they your friends?"

"Ya, I knew a few of them from middle school last year, but I made some new friends too," Sam answered with a grin. _Why are they both so happy all the time?_

"Does one of your new 'friends' happen to be a pretty blond girl?" Dean teased with a smirk.

Sam blushed. "Shut up, Dean. Jess really is just a friend. Unlike you, I'm not planning on sleeping with every girl I meet."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "I don't know, Sam. Methinks the lady doth protest too much."

"Actually, the actual quote is 'the lady doth protest too much, methinks.' And the word 'protest' in Shakespearian times meant to vow. The way you are saying it implies that Sam is objecting so much as to lose credibility, but the actual meaning is that Sam is _affirming _so much as to lose credibility. Therefore, your attempt to undermine him is completely incorrect," Castiel stated before he had the good sense to stop himself.

Dean, much to Castiel's relief, found his correction humorous rather than insulting. He chuckled as he started the car and said, "That's what I get for trying to be the smart one for once, I guess." Sam shot Castiel a grateful look, although Castiel wasn't sure what for.

The rest of the ride was filled with good-natured bickering between the Winchester brothers, Castiel remaining silent in the backseat as he prepared to rid himself once and for all of the one person who seemed to want to be his friend.

* * *

><p>As Dean pulled into his driveway, he tried with all his might to squash the butterflies he felt in his stomach at the thought of being alone with Cas. Failing miserably, he turned to Sam and said, "Alright, Castiel and I are gonna go get something to eat, so I'll see you in an hour or two."<p>

Sam raised his eyebrows in response. "Like on a date?"

"No," Castiel jumped in for the first time since they had left the school. "It is most certainly _not_ a date."

Dean tried to mask his hurt at Castiel's obvious horror and joked, "God Sammy, get your head out of the gutter."

Sam rolled his eyes and retorted, "Ya, because I'm obviously the most inappropriate one in this car." And with that, he jumped out of the car and walked up to the front porch, grabbing his house keys from his backpack as he went.

Once his little brother was safely inside (and out of earshot), Dean turned to Castiel. "You don't have to sit back there now that Sammy's gone," he offered.

Cas hesitated for a moment before grabbing his bag and getting out of the car to walk around to the passenger seat. _Well, he didn't protest that time. That's something, I guess._

As Castiel buckled his seatbelt, Dean pulled out of the driveway and started driving in the direction of his favorite diner. Cas looked up in confusion and asked, "Dean, where are we going?"

"Well, I told Sammy we were getting something to eat, so I figured we might as well," he said with a shrug.

"I'd much rather go to a park, if you wouldn't mind," Cas said in a nervous tone.

Dean looked curiously at Cas before deciding it didn't matter to him where they went as long as he got to be with the blue-eyed boy. "Alright. Do you know where one is?"

"Yes," Cas said in obvious relief. "I can tell you how to get there."

The park wasn't far, maybe half a mile from their houses. When Dean pulled up, Cas stepped out before he even stopped the car and headed for the swings. Dean parked and quickly followed, eager to talk to Cas alone.

When he reached Cas, he instantly knew something was wrong. As Cas sat on the swing, he seemed to shrink into himself, slouching sullenly and looking anywhere but Dean.

"What is it?" he asked worriedly.

Castiel took a deep breath before looking Dean in the eyes and saying, "I don't want to be your friend."

For one stupid moment, Dean thought Cas meant he wanted to be _more_ than friends. He felt his hopes start to rise until Cas continued and said, "I appreciate all you did for me today- the ride to school, walking me to my classes, allowing me to sit with you and your friends at lunch- but I'm afraid it can't happen again."

"What?" Dean asked in shock. "Why not?"

Castiel looked stubbornly at the ground. "It just can't."

"Uh-uh," Dean said, now angry. "That's not a real reason. If you want me to leave you alone, you have to give me a real reason."

Castiel continued to stare at the ground. "Please don't make this any more difficult," he said quietly.

"Did you stop to think that maybe the reason this is so difficult is because it isn't supposed to happen?" Dean shot back. "Come on, Cas. Seriously? Why are you so hell-bent on shutting me out?"

"Maybe it's because you insist on pushing all my buttons and ignoring all my boundaries!" Castiel said in exasperation, matching Dean's glare with one of his own. "Touching me, calling me Cas, forcing me to spend time with you- can't you tell I just want to be left alone?"

"No one wants to be alone," Dean said stubbornly.

"Well _I do_," Cas hissed.

They glowered at each other, both unwilling to back down. Finally, Cas sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I gave you a reason," he said wearily. "Now, will you please stop this nonsense?"

Dean pretended to ponder his question. "Hmmmm… Nope."

"Why not?" Cas said indignantly.

"Because that is a stupid ass reason." Dean said in defiance. "Sorry, but you're going to have to do better than that if you really want me gone."

Up until that point, Castiel had been characteristically calm about all of this, never once raising his voice. But at Dean's blatant refusal to cooperate, he lost it. "Why do you insist on making everything so complicated?" he shouted. "For once, could you please just stop being so stubborn and leave me alone? I _can't_ be your friend, Dean. Don't you get that? _I. CAN'T._ I can't risk letting ANYONE get close to me, because _every_ time I do someone _always_ gets hurt. My own _father_ hates me, Dean. Do you know what that's like? To see disgust and loathing in the eyes of the man who created you? If HE doesn't want me, why would you? Why should I believe..." Cas trailed off, his eyes glazing over as memories flooded his mind.

"Castiel?" Dean asked fearfully, worried he had broken the blue-eyed boy. Cas continued to gaze at nothing, stuck in his own torturous thoughts. Dean took a step towards him, hand outstretched. Cas's eyes cleared as he noticed something behind Dean. Without a word, he walked towards it, ignoring Dean as he sat in the grass. Cautiously, Dean followed, wanting to see what had broken his trance. As he neared, he saw Cas staring in awe and adoration at something flying around his head.

"Cas?" he asked hesitantly, not wanting to set him off again. "Is that a… a bumblebee?"

"Yes," Castiel said distractedly as he followed the insect with his eyes. "I've decided to name him Felix."

Dean slowly sat down next to Cas, trying to come up with something appropriate to say. Finally, he sighed. "Listen, Castiel… If you really don't like me that much… well, I'll leave you alone, if that'll make you happy," he said in a resigned tone.

"That wouldn't make me happy at all. I like you very much, Dean," Castiel responded pleasantly, seemingly subdued by Felix the bumblebee. "I'm just worried that _you_ won't like _me_."

Dean furrowed his brow. "So… what if we just have every day be like this one? Minus the fighting, that is," he added.

Castiel paused. "That sounds… nice," he agreed.

Dean sighed in relief, then laid down in the grass. Castiel laid next to him, still watching Felix. He looked content as they laid together watching the flight of the bumblebee.

Dean pondered the sudden switch in Cas's emotions. Clearly, he wasn't completely sane. But instead of scaring Dean away, the realization just made him feel bad. What had happened to his neighbor to cause him so much grief? I_t must have something to do with New York. Why else would he have moved away with just his mom?_ Dean wondered if maybe Cas's father was dead- but no, Cas had said "hate"- present tense. Dean turned to look at Cas, his heart melting at the sight of the blue eyes trailing the bumblebee, a look of peace spread on his face.

Cas, sensing Dean's gaze, tore his eyes away from Felix. His look of peace was replaced with one of confusion. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" Dean played dumb.

"Like I'm... important," Castiel explained.

Dean's heart hurt at the surprise in Cas's tone. "You are important, Cas. Especially to me," he added quietly.

Cas looked up pensively towards the bumblebee. "No one's ever told me I'm important before."

Dean reached out carefully and grabbed Cas's hand. Cas, in response, intertwined their fingers, keeping his gaze locked on the flying insect. "In that case," Dean whispered, "I'll tell you all the time."

Dean saw a small smile spread across the younger boy's lips. "I'd like that very much, Dean," he replied.

They laid there for another hour, just watching the bees as they held hands. Finally, Dean got up and said he had to get back to Sammy.

"That's fine," Cas said as he looked up at Dean. "I'm going to stay a while longer. I'll walk home."

"You sure?" Dean asked, worried about leaving the unstable boy alone.

"Yes," Cas answered. "It's not far, and I love to watch bees. I'll only stay a little longer."

Dean contemplated his choices. _I can't stay any longer- if Mom and Dad get home before me and see I left Sammy alone, there'll be hell to pay._ Finally, Dean sighed. "Alright," he relented. "But you have to text me when you're safe at home," he added. Cas nodded affably and handed Dean his phone. Dean entered his number and hesitantly gave it back. "I'll see you tomorrow, then," he said as he started to walk away.

"Goodbye, Dean," Cas called after him. "Thank you for a wonderful afternoon."

Dean drove home in silence, still thinking about everything Cas had said. He couldn't seem to shake the awful feeling he had in his stomach. _Cas will be fine_, he told himself firmly. When he reached his house, he joined Sam on the couch and watched a movie, although Dean was so distracted that he didn't even know what movie it was. By the time Dean's parents got home 30 minutes later, he still hadn't gotten a text from Cas.

All through dinner, Dean kept checking his phone, hoping to see a new message telling him his neighbor was safe.

_Idiot. You should have gotten his number instead of just giving him yours. Now how are you supposed to reach him?_

Dean was just about ready to go back to the park and look for Cas when he got a text.

* * *

><p>From: Unknown Number<br>Dean-  
>Sorry, I should have texted you sooner, but I lost track of time at the park and just got home. I apologize.<br>-Castiel

* * *

><p>Dean glanced over at his clock. <em>8:30? The sun set an hour ago. Did he seriously spend the past 4 hours watching bees?<em>

Dean saved Cas's number and sent a response.

* * *

><p>To: Cas<br>It's ok. Glad ur home safe. See you in the morning?-Dean

* * *

><p>Dean waited impatiently for Cas's answer. A few minutes later, his phone buzzed.<p>

* * *

><p>From: Cas<br>Yes. I will leave my house at 7:15. Good night. -Castiel

* * *

><p>Dean responded within seconds.<p>

* * *

><p>To: Cas<br>Good night. -Dean

* * *

><p>As Dean lay in bed a few hours later, he couldn't suppress the thought that had been gnawing at him all day.<p>

_What have I gotten myself into?_


	8. Chapter 8: Hidden Demons

**Author's Note****:**** This chapter is kind of short, but the next chapter should be longer. Happy reading!**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 8: Hidden Demons<strong>

* * *

><p>The next few weeks that passed were quite enjoyable for Castiel. He stuck to his morning routine, leaving his house at 7:15 every day- if Dean was there, Castiel would accept his offer to drive him to school. If he wasn't, Castiel would walk alone. Luckily, Dean showed up more often than not, which meant Castiel got to spend almost every morning with the Winchesters. Once they arrived at school, they would all go their separate ways, Castiel headed to his locker, and the brothers headed- well, Castiel didn't know where they went, but he assumed it was none of his business. Then he would see Dean in Drama Lit, along with Balthazar. There were no more attention-drawing mishaps between the three boys, much to Castiel's relief. After first period, Dean would walk Castiel to study hall, waving away Castiel's protests. When Castiel had asked him why he insisted on accompanying him, Dean had merely shrugged.<p>

"I like walking with you," he had answered, as if that was reason enough to spend so much time with Castiel. But despite his confusion over Dean's motives, he had stopped questioning why the taller boy wanted to invest so much of his time in Castiel. _Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Just enjoy it while it lasts,_ he told himself, still absolutely sure that Dean would lose interest in him.

Castiel continued to sit with Dean's friends at lunch. Sometimes Sam would be there, sometimes he would sit with his friends- including Jess. Dean, of course, never ceased to tease Sam about his seemingly "platonic" relationship with the blond girl. In response, Sam would usually say something along the lines of, "You're one to talk," while shooting a look at Castiel, much to the blue-eyed boy's bewilderment. Dean would usually desist his torment after that, his cheeks as red as one of his button-up shirts.

After lunch, Castiel and Dean would go their separate ways until eighth period with Ms. Barnes. No matter what class they were in, Dean would always sit next to Castiel and pass him silly notes during the lesson. Intro to Psych was no exception, but he did have to be more careful about it- Ms. Barnes hadn't been lying when she said she could see them despite her handicap. At first, Castiel had been irritated by the distraction, but now he quite enjoyed the messages, having to hold back laughs at jokes Dean would write. He didn't even mind Dean's incessant tapping anymore.

At the end of the day, Castiel would meet Sam and Dean at the Impala. He didn't often participate in the conversations the brothers had, but when he did no one seemed to mind his comments. In fact, the boys seemed to enjoy listening to what Castiel had to say.

Dean and Castiel didn't spend time together after school, nor did they refer to the one day they had. Castiel was grateful to Dean for silently agreeing not to bring it up- it had been embarrassing enough for Castiel without having to explain his deranged behavior. However, he often thought about it- the fight, Felix, the feel of Dean's hand in his…

Yes, Castiel was starting to love Lawrence. He had a routine, one that he was able to follow with only minor changes on occasion. His mother had started to overcome her… _condition._ And Castiel had a friend- something he hadn't had in many years. He was happy.

So of course something went wrong. Just as, deep down, he always knew it would.

* * *

><p>Dean was still laughing at something Castiel had said as he pulled into his driveway and the three boys got out of the car. Castiel seemed to suppress a smile at Dean's amusement.<p>

_I wish he __**would**__ smile. It's been almost a month and I've only ever see him crack the tiniest grins._

Dean looked over at Cas's house. "Were you expecting visitors, Cas?" he asked when he spotted two cars in his neighbor's driveway.

Cas looked towards his house in confusion. "What do you mea-" he abruptly cut off when he saw the Honda Civic and the Ford GT. Dean watched Cas go pale as all the blood rushed from his face.

"Cas? What is it?" Dean asked worriedly.

Castiel didn't seem to hear him, as he kept staring at the cars in horror.

"Cas?" Dean asked, shaking him to get his attention. "Cas!"

Castiel shook his head as he snapped out of his trance. "I have to go," he said monotonically, looking at Dean with a flatness in his eyes that Dean hadn't seen since that first day.

"Cas, what's wrong? How can I help?" Dean questioned resolutely with his hand on Cas's arm, determined not to let Cas face whoever was in his house alone.

"You can't," Cas responded harshly. "There's nothing you can do."

Just as Dean was about to argue, he heard a voice come from Cas's front door.

"Cassie! I'm gone for three years and you get a boyfriend? Things really have changed," chuckled a short man with brown hair and brown eyes. The man unwrapped a sucker and popped it in his mouth.

Dean bristled at the arrogant man's jab at Cas. "Who's that asshole?" he asked Cas, not taking his eyes off of the midget.

Castiel ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "That's Gabriel," he answered dejectedly. "My brother."

* * *

><p>"You're <em>what<em>?" Dean asked in disbelief.

At the same time, Sam jumped in with his own question. "You have a brother?"

Castiel ran a hand over his face. "I have to go," he repeated, unwilling to look at the brothers. He pulled his arm free from Dean's grip and started walking towards his nightmare.

"Cas, wait!" Dean called.

Despite his better judgement, Castiel stopped, although he didn't turn around. He heard the door swing shut as Sam went inside, clearly wanting to avoid the drama about to ensue. _You and me, both._

When Dean reached him, he stepped in front of Castiel, forcing him to look at the older boy. "You shouldn't go in there alone," he said quietly.

"I'll be fine, Dean," Castiel said unconvincingly. "He's my family."

"Blood doesn't mean family," Dean said stubbornly. "And judging by the way you look at him, he isn't anything more to you than blood."

"Nevertheless," Castiel countered, "I can't avoid him. He's in my _house_, Dean. I have to face him."

"But you don't have to do it alone," Dean said firmly. "I'm coming with you."

"Dean," Castiel said in exasperation, "you can't-"

"Awwww, why not, Cassie?" Gabriel said, having snuck up behind Dean. Castiel had been so focused on his neighbor, he hadn't even seen his brother walk over.

Dean spun around and glared at Gabriel. Gabriel, in return, grinned. "Are you ashamed of us? Don't want your precious boy toy to know who you really are?" he mocked Castiel as he looked at Dean.

"Leave him alone," Dean growled.

Gabriel laughed. "Oh, I see why he likes you. Castiel got a big, strong boyfriend to protect him from all his demons," he taunted as he turned towards Castiel. "Of course, how is _Dean_ supposed to protect you when you've kept them hidden so well?"

"Enough games, Gabriel," Castiel said firmly. "How did you find me?"

"Oh, it wasn't hard, really, once Mommy Dearest called Anna and I and told us exactly where you were," he said with a malicious glint in his eyes.

"_WHAT?_" Castiel yelled, losing his composure for a moment. Gabriel grinned wider, as if Castiel's slip up was a sort of victory for him.

Furious, Castiel stormed past Gabriel and headed towards the house, vaguely aware that Dean was right behind him but frankly too angry too care.

As he entered the house to look for his mother, he was intercepted by a petite redhead who came out of nowhere and hugged him.

"Cassie! It's been too long!" Anna exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around Castiel.

Castiel stood stiffly, passive to her affections. "And whose fault is that?" he reminded his sister coolly.

Anna hesitantly let go, as if only just then realizing that Castiel was filled with rage by his siblings' unannounced presence.

"Who's that?" she asked, noticing Dean.

"No one you need to concern yourself with, as you won't be here long enough for it to be of importance," Castiel said with a glare. Anna shrunk under his gaze.

"That's Dean-o!" Gabriel jumped in unhelpfully. "He and Cassie are lovers."

"_Excuse me?_" Anna asked in disbelief.

"We're not lovers, nor are we romantic interests in any way. Now, _where is our mother?_" Castiel hissed.

"Castiel," said a voice from the staircase. "It's alright."

Castiel turned towards the weary figure sitting on the bottom step. She had blond hair just like Claire's, except hers was starting to turn gray from stress. Castiel stared into eyes so similar to his. "How could you?" he demanded brokenly.

Amelia Novak looked away from her youngest son. "Castiel… they're family. I want to be with my family. Haven't I lost enough children because of you?"

Castiel flinched at her words, feeling all his anger deflate like a balloon as despair took its place. "I…" he trailed off, unable to form coherent sentences while the guilt was eating him alive.

* * *

><p>Dean looked around in confusion, the tension caused by Cas's mother's words palpable. He turned to Castiel for an explanation, but stopped in horror when he saw the blue-eyed boy.<p>

Castiel looked as if he were crumbling, and each second another piece of his heart turned to dust. His eyes were filled with so much self-hatred and regret that Dean lost the ability to speak. Not knowing what else to do, he reached out and grabbed Cas's hand.

And then felt his heart shatter as Castiel ripped his hand away as if Dean's touch had burned him. He turned to Dean with stone-cold eyes. "You should go," he said callously.

Dean was about to argue, but one look at those steely eyes and he lost his nerve. _Cas has NEVER looked at me like that before…_

Dean looked at his feet, unwilling to leave but also unwilling to stay if it meant Cas would hate him. "Are you sure?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," Castiel said, his voice losing some of its edge. "I believe my family and I have some things to discuss privately."

Dean looked around at Cas's dysfunctional family- Gabriel grinning maliciously, Anna glaring as if it was Dean's fault that Castiel hated her, and Cas's mother sitting on the stairs, looking so beaten down that Dean almost felt sorry for her.

Almost.

"Alright," Dean said finally. "But call me if you need me."

Castiel nodded in acknowledgement, although Dean couldn't tell if he would take Dean's offer seriously or not. Sighing, Dean walked out of the Novak house, leaving his friend to face his demons alone.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** I'm sorry for writing Gabriel as such a cruel character. You'll find out in the next chapter why he's so angry with Castiel.**


	9. Chapter 9: Just Stay Forever Please

**Author's Note:**** So this chapter is super long and a little angst-filled, but mostly it's just major fluff. Happy reading!**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 9: Just Stay Forever Please<strong>

* * *

><p>It took all of Castiel's willpower not to chase after Dean and beg him to come back and rescue him. <em>He can't help you. The fairytale is over, Castiel- it's time to clean up your mess. You need to save yourself.<em>

Castiel reluctantly turned to face his "family," knowing full well that it was his fault they were all so shattered.

"I like him," Gabriel quipped. "Way to snag that one- what a catch. Tell me, Cassie, when did you become such a raging homosexual? The way I remember it, you couldn't be bothered to give anyone the time of day."

"Leave Dean out of this," Castiel said coldly. "He is none of your concern."

"Wow- the sex is that good, huh?"

Castiel's jaw dropped at his brother's crude humor, blush creeping up his neck. "We've never- how can I possibly be related to you?"

"Got lucky, I guess," Gabriel shrugged as he unwrapped another one of his tooth-decaying sweets. "But seriously Cassie- score! I'd so tap that, if tall, dark, and brooding was my thing."

"Stop it," Anna jumped in. "Cassie would never sink so low as to date trash like that boy. Right, Castiel?"

Castiel bristled. "'That boy,' Anna, is not trash. In fact, he may be the best person I've ever met. Not only is he kind to strangers, but he is also smart, protective, loyal, and _good._ Which is more than I can say for you."

Anna gaped at Castiel while Gabriel just raised his eyebrows. "Wow, Cassie. You know, I was just teasing before, but are you and him-"

"We're just friends, Gabriel," Castiel cut him off with a glare. Gabriel held his hands up in surrender, clearly unconvinced.

"Now," Castiel redirected the conversation, "why are you here?"

"Mom called us," Anna said as she glanced towards Amelia Novak.

"But why did you come?" Castiel prompted. "There has to be a reason."

"Have you gone deaf, Cassie? Anna-Banana just told you," Gabriel replied.

Castiel looked at the two in confusion. "You came because our mother called you? That's it?" At his siblings' nod of affirmation, Castiel ran a hand through his hair. "But why?"

"Because we're family, Castiel," his mother jumped in, still refusing to look him in the eye.

"So you keep saying," Castiel responded in frustration. He turned back to Anna and Gabriel. "Tell me this, then- why didn't you come when I asked? All those times I called in the middle of the night, begging you to come home? When I pleaded with you to return and help me?" he asked, his voice subtly rising as he fought to keep his anger in check.

Anna tried to explain away all her misdeeds, as if a few heartfelt words could take back what she had done. "Cassie, I-"

"_No,_" Castiel seethed. "_Don't. _Don't 'Cassie' me, trying to excuse your actions. You _left_ me. You left me all alone with the man who most wanted me dead in the world. I expected it from Gabriel. But from _you_? You _promised_ that you would never leave me. You said you would always be there for me. You _lied_ to me, Anna. And for that, I'll never forgive you."

Anna winced and bitterly remarked, "Well, the feeling is mutual. Don't forget, it's your own fault Dad hated you, Castiel. You're the one who let Claire _die. _And for that, _I'll_ never forgive _you_."

Castiel stumbled back, horrified that she would throw the death of their little sister in his face. "_IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" _he screamed, no longer able to tap down his fury. "I loved Claire- I didn't want her to die any more than you did! You think I don't know it's my fault she's gone? Do you honestly think I don't hate myself every single godforsaken day because of it? Every morning is like a punch in the face, waking up knowing that I will never get to see Claire's beautiful smile again because of my _stupid_ mistakes. It's a miracle I even get out of bed in the morning," Castiel yelled bitterly as he threw his arms in the air in frustration.

"Oh, boohoo," Gabriel mocked. "Cry me a river, Castiel. Do you expect us to feel sorry for you? You _deserve_ to feel that way. You're the one who let her out of your sight."

"No," Castiel said quietly. "I don't expect you to pity me. I just want you all to know, no matter how much you hate me, it will never come close to how much I hate myself."

The room filled with silence, no one quite knowing how to respond to such a statement. Castiel ran a hand through his hair tiredly. He looked at the ceiling, unable to face his vengeful family. "Gabriel, Anna, there are two guest rooms upstairs. I trust that the two of you can decide who uses which room on your own. You're welcome to stay as long as you wish, granted our mother still wants you here. However, if you're going to live here, you have to help out, money-wise. Groceries, heating bills, et cetera. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to retire to my room. Good night." Castiel turned to walk to his room in the basement when Gabriel grabbed his shoulder.

"That's it?" he demanded angrily. "You're not going to try and kick us out? You're not going to _fight?_"

"I learned some time ago, Gabriel, that fighting is futile," Castiel responded wearily. And with that, he walked down the stairs that lead to his room, leaving an angry Gabriel upstairs.

_I'll have to deal with him sooner or later_, Castiel thought as he put on a white tee-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

With that thought in mind, Castiel flopped onto his bed and drifted into blissful sleep, exhausted by his family's drama.

* * *

><p>Sometime later, Castiel woke up to a grumbling stomach. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked at his alarm clock, unhappy to see that it was only 9:00 pm. <em>I can't go up and get food yet. I doubt Anna and Gabriel have gone to bed. I'll have to wait an hour or two before I go up.<em> As Castiel's stomach continued to growl, he regretted not grabbing something to eat before he had retreated to his room earlier that day. Surprised, he realized he had slept for over 4 hours. _That's more sleep than I usually get in one night._

Prepared to wait for the time it would take his siblings to retire to their rooms, Castiel walked over to his bookshelf and browsed through his many classic novels. Picking a book, he went and lounged back on his bed, settling into the mess of blankets.

After he had read only a few pages, his phone buzzed from his nightstand. Castiel reached over and grabbed it, fighting back a smile when he saw Dean's name on his screen.

* * *

><p>From: Dean Winchester<br>Which window is urs? –Dean

* * *

><p>Castiel quickly typed back a response, not quite sure what Dean was planning.<p>

* * *

><p>To: Dean Winchester<br>My room is in the basement. My window is on the side of the house closest to yours at ground level. –Castiel

* * *

><p>Castiel returned to his book, quickly getting lost in the story. A few minutes later, a tap on his window made him jump. Startled, Castiel walked over and slid back the curtains only to reveal a pair of dazzling green eyes and a smile so bright that it shone through the dark of the night.<p>

Puzzled, he pushed open his window. "Dean?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you," Dean responded shyly. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. Can I come in?"

Stunned, Castiel stepped aside and beckoned his friend in. "Yes… I mean, I suppose that would be alright. You won't get in trouble?"

"Nah," Dean replied as he slid through the window and landed gracefully in Castiel's room. "My parents are at work, and Sammy's in his room studying. I'll be fine." Dean looked around Castiel's room in wonder. "Wow," he said with a low whistle. "What do we have here?"

* * *

><p>Dean stared in awe at Castiel's ceiling. It was covered in a gorgeous mural, filled with so many swirls and patterns that Dean didn't know where to look.<p>

"Oh," Castiel said in embarrassment. "That. It's not finished yet."

"Did you paint this yourself?" Dean asked incredulously. At Cas's bashful nod, Dean looked back up at the mural. "It's incredible. Where did you learn to do this?"

"I don't know," Castiel said as he shuffled his feet. "I just kind of did it."

Dean gazed at the painting, amazed by the detail. The ceiling was covered in an array of golds and whites, painted in what looked to be feathers. _They look like wings_, Dean realized.

His initial shock passing, Dean continued to explore the rest of the room. Cas had an enormous collection of old novels, half of which Dean had never heard of. Dean saw one of the books lying open on Castiel's bed, and went over to pick it up. He raised an eyebrow at Cas as he read the title.

"_Catcher in the Rye_? Seriously, Cas? I had no idea you were such a book nerd." He said with a grin, but it quickly melted into a frown when he saw Castiel flinch. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Castiel looked down at his feet. "It's just… will you please not call me Cas? I don't think I can handle it tonight."

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. Castiel hadn't asked him that in weeks. "Sure, Castiel," he replied, deciding not to make a big deal out of it. He walked over to Castiel's desk, which was empty except for his laptop. "No pictures?" he asked curiously.

Cas shrugged. Moving on, Dean headed towards the shelves that lined the room. Along with more books, he glimpsed… something else. Dean picked up one of the objects, surprised by what he held.

"Is this… a paper crane?" he asked with small smile.

"I like origami," Castiel said defensively. As Dean took a closer look around the room, he saw dozens of origami creations shoved in various nooks and crannies.

"I'll bet," he said with a grin. "Have you read all of these books?" Castiel nodded in affirmation. "When do you find time to do all this?" he asked as he gestured around the room.

Castiel shrugged once again. "You'd be surprised how much you can get done if you don't go to sleep."

"You don't go to sleep?" Dean asked in a worried tone.

Cas waved away his concern. "I get a few hours in each night," he said nonchalantly as he sat down on his bed.

Dean shook his head, concerned for the blue-eyed boy. "That can't be healthy, Castiel," he said as he joined Cas on the bed.

Castiel rolled his eyes in response. "Ya, because you're one to lecture me on what's healthy," he said sarcastically.

Dean fought back a laugh. "Alright, alright. I'll stop. But seriously, you should try and get more sleep. I get at least a full 8 hours. And if that means I happen to be late to school every once and a while, then hey," Dean said with a smirk. "I take my health very seriously."

Castiel laughed- a real laugh, one that sounded like music to Dean's ears. _I like this Cas,_ Dean thought as he grinned at Castiel's amusement. This Cas seemed more… carefree. Happy. Like a real person, not quite so robotic. Dean had never seen this version of Castiel before.

He wondered why.

Dean and Cas continued to talk, laughing and joking as if Castiel hadn't been on the verge of a breakdown earlier with his family. At 10:30, Dean looked at the clock.

"Woah. Time flies, huh?" he joked as he turned back to Cas.

Castiel glanced at the clock in surprise. "I suppose it does. Do you have to get back?"

"I can go home whenever," Dean answered. "By the time my parents get home, they'll just assume I'm in bed, so I don't need to worry about getting caught. Plus, tomorrow's Saturday, so it's not like I have anywhere to be."

Castiel looked up into Dean's eyes. "You don't talk about your parents much. What are they like?"

Dean shrugged. "They're like parents, Castiel. Overprotective, always worrying, never staying out of your personal life…"

"Is that what most parents are like?" Castiel asked, genuine curiosity in his blue eyes.

"Well, ya. Don't your parents…" Dean trailed off, cursing himself for being so stupid. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

"It's fine," Cas said quietly. "But Dean, if your parents are so overprotective, why wouldn't they check on you when they get home from work?" he asked, redirecting the conversation to Dean's personal life.

Dean sighed. "Because… my parents haven't really been parents lately, Castiel. They're… busy."

Castiel hesitated, then nodded. "I think I understand," he said softly.

Dean looked at his hands resting in his lap, having to clench his fists to keep himself from grabbing Cas's hand. _Things are going so well. Don't ruin it._

Cas stood up. "Well, my family should be in bed by now," he said as he stretched. As Cas lifted his arms, his white tee rose a few inches, exposing a sliver of his torso. Dean found himself mesmerized by Castiel's hip bones. _Damn._

"Dean?" Castiel captured Dean's attention. "Did you hear me?"

"Sorry," Dean said as the blood rushed to his face. "What did you say?"

Castiel gave Dean a puzzled look before repeating, "I'm going upstairs to get something to eat. Would you like anything?"

"Nah, I'm good," Dean said, avoiding looking at Cas for fear of becoming distracted once again.

"Alright," Castiel responded as he headed up the stairs. "I'll just be a few minutes."

Once Castiel was upstairs, Dean breathed a sigh of relief.

_What was I thinking? This was a mistake. I'm gonna do something I'll regret, and Castiel will never talk to me again. I can't be just his friend. At least, not at this time of night._

Dean stood up and walked over to the desk where he had left his leather jacket hanging on the chair. He pulled it on, deciding it was best to leave before he ruined his friendship with Castiel. As he shrugged on his coat, he noticed Castiel's laptop just sitting on his desk.

_Don't do it, Dean. This is the thing you're going to regret._

Despite his better judgment, Dean sat down at the desk. As he opened the laptop up, a picture fell out. Dean bent over and picked it up, then settled back in the chair as he looked at the photo.

It was a picture of small boy who Dean assumed was Castiel, as he had the same messy dark hair and mesmerizing blue eyes. In the younger Cas's arms was an adorable baby girl with matching blue eyes. He was smiling at the child in his arms with a look of innocence and adoration. Dean's heart swelled at the sight of the little boy who seemed so full of love.

"Ahem," he heard Castiel clear his throat. Dean jumped up, embarrassed at being caught.

"Castiel," he said flustered. "I was just-"

"Snooping?" Cas finished for him, crossing his arms. "That's quite rude, Dean."

Dean's cheeks burned in humiliation and shame. "I'm sorry," he muttered, not meeting Cas's eyes. "I'll just go," he said as he stood up.

* * *

><p>Castiel felt his heart beat faster as he started to panic. "Go?" he repeated. "Why? I thought you said it didn't matter when you got home."<p>

Dean looked up in surprise. "Ya, but…" he trailed off and scratched the back of his neck, a habit he did when he was nervous. "Well, it's just… don't you want me to go? You just caught me looking through your stuff… I figured you would be angry," Dean said softly.

Castiel ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I mean, you don't _have _to go. It's my own fault, I suppose, for leaving you alone when I know you have so many questions about me and my family," Castiel responded. _Also, I haven't felt this happy in years, so I would really appreciate it if you would just stay forever please._

Castiel walked over and held a hand out to Dean. "May I?" he asked. Dean handed him to photograph, and Castiel looked at it with a small smile. "I was seven years old when this was taken. And that's Claire," he said pointing her out to Dean. "My little sister. She was just a few months old at the time."

"What happened to her?" Dean asked quietly, as if afraid to know the answer.

Castiel paused. "She died 5 years ago," he answered softly as he looked at the photo. "I was 12."

Dean was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry," he finally answered, his eyes filled with sadness.

"Me too," Castiel whispered.

They stood in silence for a moment, Castiel still staring at the picture, his heart breaking at the sight of young Claire. Hesitantly, Dean reached out and pulled Castiel into his arms. Castiel stiffened, unaccustomed to such gestures of kindness. But slowly, he relaxed into the warmth of Dean's embrace, burying his face in the older boy's chest.

"I miss her so much," he confided as he clutched on to Dean's shirt, needing something to hold on to.

Dean said nothing, and instead took one of his hands off of Castiel's waist and started running his fingers through his hair.

Castiel closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of being held, something he hadn't felt in many years. He didn't know how long they stood like that- it could have been seconds, it could have been hours. It felt like an eternity, yet at the same time, when Dean pulled away, it seemed far too short.

Dean cleared his throat. "It's late," he stated, his voice somewhat hoarse. "You should really get some sleep."

Castiel looked towards the bed, his blankets a mess from his earlier nap. "I don't think I can," he admitted honestly.

Dean glanced at the window. "Well," he said, turning to Castiel, "you should try. Come on." Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and pulled him towards the bed.

Castiel stopped him. "Dean, I'm serious. I haven't slept for more than 4 hours a night in years."

Dean cocked an eyebrow and said, "Alright, that's _definitely_ not healthy. Come on," he said again. Castiel held his ground, looking at Dean with pleading eyes. Dean sighed. "Look, if it helps, I can stay and sleep on the floor," he offered.

Castiel paused. "No, you're the guest. You should sleep on the bed," he argued.

Dean shook his head, holding back a laugh. "Castiel, I appreciate your politeness, really, I do. But you better get your ass in that bed right now or else I will have to knock you unconscious myself."

"But I have to get ready for bed," Castiel countered.

Dean looked at him in exasperation. "Then go get ready for bed!" he cried out laughingly.

Castiel walked over to his bathroom. "I will," he said as he closed the bathroom door and started to brush his teeth.

* * *

><p>Dean sat on Castiel's floor, determined not to snoop again. While he waited for Cas, he stared up at the ceiling. <em>I wonder what kind of wings they are, <em>he thought as he admired the mural. _They're beautiful._

Castiel came out of the bathroom a moment later and looked down at Dean. "You're in jeans," he stated.

"Well, ya. Thank you, Captain Obvious," Dean joked.

Castiel walked over to his dresser and started rifling through his clothes. "Here," he said as he tossed a pair of sweatpants at Dean. "These should fit you."

Dean froze. "What do you mean?"

Castiel shrugged. "You can't sleep in jeans," he stated calmly.

Dean was about to argue, but paused. Rubbing the back of his neck, he gave a nervous laugh. "You sure you don't mind?" he asked.

"Of course not," Cas said. "It's the least I could do, considering everything you've done for me."

"Alright," Dean conceded as he stood up. "I'll just go put these on."

Dean walked into the bathroom and closed the door, letting out a sigh of relief.

_**What are you doing? You can't sleep over! This could ruin everything**__._

_Or it could make things immensely better._

Dean pulled on the gray sweats, noticing that they fit him almost perfectly. _If these fit me, they must be huge on Cas,_ he thought as he imagined Castiel's wiry frame.

Dean walked out and put his jeans and his jacket on the floor by Castiel's bed. "I'll sleep right here," he announced.

Castiel shook his head. "I still don't think that's fair, Dean," he said stubbornly.

"Castiel, I'm not going to take your bed," Dean said in frustration.

Castiel looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Then why don't we share it?" he asked innocently.

Dean felt his blood turn to ice. "What?" he asked, stupefied.

Cas shrugged. "We could share the bed," he repeated. "That way no one has to sleep on the floor."

_**No no no nonono bad idea very bad idea Dean**_.

"Alright," he said nonchalantly. He walked over and sat down on the bed. "Which side do you want?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter to me," Castiel said as he walked over to the light switch. Dean moved over to the side closest to the wall so that Castiel wouldn't have to climb over him to get into bed. Castiel turned off the light and walked over silently. Dean felt the bed shift as Cas laid down and got under the covers.

They laid in silence, their breathing the only sound in the darkness. As Dean's breaths started to slow down, he felt himself drifting off. When he was moments away from sleep, he felt something warm press up against him.

Dean stiffened at the unexpected touch, but quickly relaxed and pulled Cas closer. He nuzzled into Cas's neck, spooning him the way totally platonic friends do all the time. As sleep finally pulled him under, Castiel whispered so quietly that if Dean hadn't been pressed right up against the younger boy he never would have heard it.

"_Thank you._"

Dean fell asleep with an angel in his arms and angel wings above his head.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** I would really love it if you guys would review or pm me and tell me what you thought of this chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10: Something Like That

**Author's Note:**** The morning after... Happy reading!**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 10: Something Like That<strong>

* * *

><p>Castiel woke up to Dean's body pressed against his and Dean's arms around his waist. Castiel relished the feeling of being held for another moment before reluctantly pushing himself out of bed, careful not to wake his guest.<p>

Castiel turned and admired the specimen in his bed, something he had often wanted to do but had never had the opportunity.

Sleeping Dean looked so different from Wakeful Dean. The lines in his forehead were smooth, his lips parted slightly as he slept peacefully. He looked… softer. Less calloused. Without his usual bravado, Dean just looked so innocent.

Castiel wanted to protect that innocence more than anything.

Castiel walked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth, sticking to that part, at least, of his morning routine.

_Wait a minute._ Castiel left the bathroom and glanced at the clock. _9:30? It's morning._

_I slept through the night._

Castiel looked at his sleeping friend in wonder. How had Dean managed to keep the nightmares away? Castiel hadn't gotten a full night's sleep since Claire's accident. He always woke up screaming, covered in sweat. Eventually, he just stopped sleeping all together, going to bed only when absolutely necessary. But with Dean, Castiel slept better than ever.

_**Don't get used to it. I highly doubt Dean will ever do this again. He was just trying to be nice.**_

_I wish he would be this nice every night._

Castiel blinked in surprise at his unexpected thoughts. _Where did that come from?_

Shaking his head, Castiel went over to his desk and sat down, opening his drawer filled with origami paper. Absentmindedly, he started folding and creasing, muscle memory taking over. When he finished, he looked down at his paper crane and set it down gently next to his laptop. Grabbing another sheet of paper, he continued to fold, waiting for his neighbor to wake up.

* * *

><p>Dean woke up to an empty bed. He stretched, yawning, and slowly sat up.<p>

"You're awake," a gruff voice stated.

Dean jumped up, startled to see Castiel sitting at the desk. "Jesus, Cas," he complained as he ran a hand over his face, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Don't scare me like that."

"My apologies," Castiel said calmly, looking back to whatever was in his hands. Dean watched as he made a fold, precision in his every move.

"What are you making?" Dean asked curiously.

"Hm?" Castiel asked distractedly. "Oh. It appears to be a rose."

"What do you mean 'appears'?" Dean questioned.

"Well, I've been doing origami for so long that I don't really have to think about it anymore. I usually don't even realize what I'm making until I've finished it," he stated as he continued to fold. Dean watched in amazement as he turned a square piece of cardstock into a masterpiece.

Castiel held out the paper rose to him. "Would you like it?" he offered.

"Are you sure?" Dean asked in surprise. "You don't want it?"

"I can always make another one," Cas said with a shrug.

Dean reached out and tentatively accepted the origami flower, doing his best not to crush it. "It's beautiful, Cas. Thank you," he said sincerely. "I love it."

Castiel blushed. "It's not a big deal," he mumbled, embarrassed by Dean's praise. He ran a hand through his hair, seemingly nervous. "Did you sleep well?" he asked politely.

Dean remembered the feel of Castiel's body against his. "Ya," he said, his cheeks turning red from the memory. "I slept great. You?"

Castiel looked down. "I slept wonderfully," he said quietly.

Dean smiled. "Good," he replied. "Maybe now you can start getting more than 4 hours of sleep a night."

Castiel muttered something that Dean couldn't quite hear, although it sounded an awful lot like "doubt it."

"What did you say?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing," Castiel said hastily. "You should go. If my family sees you…"

Dean nodded. "You would never hear the end of it?" he guessed.

Castiel smiled gratefully. "Exactly."

Dean walked over to the bed and picked up his clothes, still sitting on the floor where he had left them. "Oh," he realized as he looked down at his apparel. "Your pants. Do you want them now, or should I wash them and give them back to you?"

"You can keep them," Castiel said nonchalantly. "They fit you better anyways."

Dean was about to argue when Castiel cut him off. "Just take them," he said, amusement dancing in his eyes. "And yes, I'm sure."

Dean laughed. "Alright, alright," he said, enjoying the light in Castiel's eyes. He walked over to the window and pushed it open, throwing his stuff (Except for the rose- that, he carefully held in his hand) outside. He turned back to Cas, reluctant to end their time together. "I'll see you later?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound as desperate as he felt.

Castiel's face split into a blinding smile, taking Dean's breath away. "Absolutely," he answered wholeheartedly.

Dean felt his own mouth curving up in a response to Cas's grin. "Great," he said as he turned to lift himself out the window. "Until later, then."

And with that, he climbed out of Castiel Novak's window, scooped up his stuff, and dashed across the lawn to his own, sneaking back into his room as if the previous night had never happened.

* * *

><p>Castiel sighed as he closed the window, disappointed to see his friend leave. He glanced at the ceiling and noticed the unfinished mural. <em>I should really get some more paint and finish that. It looks ridiculous.<em>

_Dean didn't think it was ridiculous._

Castiel went to his bathroom to take a shower, cutting his thoughts of Dean short.

When he was clean, he walked out of his bathroom with a towel around his waist and started looking through his drawers for an outfit. A knock came from the door at the top of the stairs, followed by Anna entering before Castiel had the chance to tell her otherwise. He turned towards his sister, frustrated at her intrusion.

"What do you want, Anna?" he demanded coldly as he grabbed a shirt. "I'm kind of busy here."

"I just thought we should talk about what happened yesterday," Anna said as she trailed a hand on Castiel's desk. "You know, about our little spat." She paused. "And, of course, that boy you were so quick to defend."

"What about him?" Castiel said flatly.

"Well…" Anna said softly as she closed the distance between her and her brother, leaving a foot of space between them. She looked up into his eyes. "For starters, do Gabriel's jokes have any truth to them?"

Castiel looked her in the eyes, masking his embarrassment. "That's none of your business, Anna." _She knows about last night._

_No. She couldn't possibly._

"So it's true, then?" she asked, surprise evident in her voice.

"_No,_" Castiel said forcefully. "But if Gabriel's silly taunting _was_ true, it would be none of your concern. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would like to get dressed."

"Castiel," Anna said as she grabbed his arm. "Tell me the truth. Do you have feelings for that boy?"

Castiel opened his mouth to deny it, but felt the words die in his throat._ I'm not gay,_ he assured himself. _Just because I haven't found a woman sexually appealing, it doesn't mean I'm gay. It just means I haven't met the right person._

_**Person?**_

Castiel shook himself out of his traitorous thoughts and answered his sister's question with a question. "Why do you call him 'that boy' as if he's beneath you?"

"Because he is," Anna stated calmly, as if it were a perfectly rational answer. "He seems like a nice boy, Cassie, but he is clearly of lower intelligence. Don't you remember what Daddy always told us?"

Castiel remembered flawlessly.

_**You children are superior to your peers. Never forget that. People your age will think you strange, but that is merely because your intelligence is far greater than they can comprehend. People fear what they don't understand. You must prove that they cannot push you around. You must be strong.**_

_I never was what he wanted me to be._

"Our father was wrong, Anna," Castiel said wearily. "Just because we're smarter than most people doesn't mean we're better than them. In fact, I've often found that our 'gift' is less of a blessing and more of a burden. We're not perfect, Anna," he implored quietly.

Anna glared at him. "Well, maybe _you_ aren't," she snapped. "But you would be a hell of a lot closer if you cut ties with that boy and started acting like a Novak."

Castiel ran a hand through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut. "Get out," he whispered. Anna opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "_Now, _Anna," he said menacingly.

Anna closed her mouth and slowly turned around, walking up the stairs and out of his room with her head held high.

Castiel sighed. _How can I make her see the truth? How can I convince her that our father was a raving lunatic?_

As Castiel got dressed, a realization hit him head on, causing him to grab onto his dresser for stability.

_I can't._

* * *

><p>Dean walked towards his room in a towel, having just got out of the shower. As he was walking down the hallway, he saw Sammy open his door, yawning. His little brother blinked in surprise at the sight of Dean.<p>

"What are you doing up?" he asked in confusion. "Weren't you out super late last night?"

Dean froze. "What do you mean?"

Sammy rolled his eyes. "Don't play dumb, Dean. I knocked on your door last night, and when you didn't answer I went in your room and noticed how completely empty it was. I went to bed around midnight and you _still_ weren't home. Mom and Dad are gonna be pissed when they find out," Sam said with a grin.

Dean pushed Sam against the wall- not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to show he was serious. "And who's gonna tell them?" he asked threateningly as he stared at him with stone-cold eyes.

Sammy glared at Dean for a moment before sighing in defeat, knowing he was beaten. "Fine. Let go of me."

As Dean pulled back and started to retreat to his room, Sam called after him. "Where were you, anyways?" he asked. "On a date?"

Dean felt his lips curl up in a secret smile. "Something like that," he said casually as he closed his bedroom door.


	11. Chapter 11: We're Family

**Author's Note:**** Another heart-to-heart between Dean and Cas. Happy reading!**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 11: We're Family<strong>

* * *

><p>Castiel went about his day as per usual, avoiding his family at all costs. After his discussion with Anna, he knew that any attempt at civility would be fruitless- at least, as long as everyone still thought of Jimmy Novak as some sort of saint.<p>

So he stayed in his room, doing homework assignments that he had been unable to complete the night before and making origami. After hours of trying to distract himself, Castiel finally gave into his longing and did something he had never done for anyone before.

He texted Dean first.

* * *

><p>To: Dean Winchester<br>How much longer must we wait until 'later,' would you say? –Cas

* * *

><p>Castiel waited anxiously for a response, wondering if he had gone overboard by using Dean's nickname to sign his message. After a few minutes (although it felt like forever), his phone buzzed.<p>

* * *

><p>From: Dean Winchester<br>I'd say we've waited long enough. Meet park? –Dean

* * *

><p>Castiel quickly replied, forcing himself not to grin.<p>

* * *

><p>To: Dean Winchester<br>Yes. Say, 10 minutes? –Cas

* * *

><p>Seconds after Castiel hit send, he received an answer from Dean.<p>

* * *

><p>From: Dean Winchester<br>Ya. See u in 10 -Dean

* * *

><p>Castiel smiled as he raced up the stairs, grabbing his coat and slipping out the door unnoticed.<p>

* * *

><p>Dean cut the engine of his Baby in front of the park he and Cas had gone to almost a month ago. He smiled slightly at the sight of Castiel in his trench coat, sitting peacefully on the swing. Dean stepped out of the Impala and headed towards his friend, his heart soaring as Cas noticed him and smiled a real smile. A smile that was as bright as a thousand suns. A smile that Dean hadn't known existed until the previous night. A smile that Dean would do anything to see again.<p>

"Hey, Cas," he said nonchalantly, plopping down in the swing next to him. "Long time, no see."

Cas chuckled. "Yes, it feels as though it's been ages," he quipped, his eyes glittering with amusement. Castiel started twisting in the swing so that the chains crossed, and continued to twist until the two chains were one. He lifted his feet and the swing started to untangle itself, spinning faster and faster as Cas held on tightly, child-like joy in his expression. Dean watched the younger boy quietly, trying to mask the adoration he felt as he witnessed Castiel's carefree side. When Castiel slowed to a stop, Dean quickly looked down so as not to be caught staring.

Dean cleared his throat. "So," he broke the silence. "How was your morning?"

Castiel sighed. "I had a rather… upsetting dispute with my sister," he said as he looked towards the meadow next to the playground. "What about you?"

Dean shrugged. "Sammy called me out on being gone all night," he replied. "Luckily, he's still small enough that I can scare him into keeping his mouth shut."

"Did he ask where you were?" Castiel asked, still looking at the meadow. But this was different from all the other times Castiel had avoided looking at him. It wasn't like he didn't want to see Dean- it was as if he felt comfortable enough to let his guard down and just gaze at the nature around him, unworried about what Dean would do.

"Ya," Dean said as he gazed at Cas. "He asked me if I was on a date."

Castiel turned to Dean at these words. "And what did you say?" he asked, his blue eyes swirling with emotions Dean couldn't read.

Dean stared at Cas's eyes, hypnotized. "Nothing," Dean managed to get out. "I just walked away." Dean felt guilty about the small lie, but he was still a little worried about scaring Cas off. After all, it _had_ only been a month since Castiel's freak-out.

Castiel nodded. "That was smart. Now he'll just assume he was right, therefore keeping you from lying."

Dean felt a swarm of butterflies in his stomach, but he mustered up all his courage and blurted out the question he had been wondering ever since he woke up. "Was he? Right, I mean." He tried to swallow the anxiety building inside of him as he waited for Castiel's response.

Castiel blinked- his version of showing astonishment. "I…" Cas trailed off, suddenly looking almost as nervous as Dean felt. "What do you mean?" he finally replied.

"Well," Dean said, looking at Cas's shoes. "Was Sam right? Was last night a date?" He rubbed the back of his neck and looked up at Castiel through his eyelashes, eager to hear the blue-eyed angel's answer, but also dreading what it might be.

"Oh." Castiel seemed at a loss for words, his cheeks turning red as he started to fidget. He ran a hand through his hair and avoided Dean's question, instead declaring tensely, "I'm not gay."

Dean felt his heat deflate slightly at the younger boy's uneasy words. "That's what I used to say," he said with a weak smile, trying his best to make a joke out of it.

Castiel froze. "You're…" he trailed off as he looked up questioningly at Dean.

"Gay?" Dean finished for him. "Ya. Bisexual, actually. How do you think I met Charlie?" he grinned, although it was still slightly dampened by his heartache.

"Oh," Cas said softly, his voice tight. "Alright."

Dean raised an eyebrow at Castiel's tone. "Is that going to be a problem?" he asked, worried his crush was actually a homophobic dickhead. _That's not possible. Even if Cas is homophobic, he could never be a dickhead._

"No!" Cas answered hastily, his eyes wide. "No, not a problem! I just… wasn't expecting to hear that."

Dean relaxed and felt the corner of his mouth turn up. "Good," he said. "For a second there, I was worried I'd have to end our friendship."

Castiel hurriedly shook his head. Dean smiled and stood up, brushing off his jeans. "Want to watch the bees?" he suggested, remembering the last time they had been to the park.

Cas's eyes lit up, that child-like joy returning to his features. He nodded eagerly, and followed Dean to the meadow, dropping to the ground among the flowers. Dean laid down next to him- albeit closer than necessary.

"So," Dean said as they gazed at the sky, bumblebees buzzing around their heads. "You and your family aren't very close, I'm guessing?"

Cas sighed, closing his eyes. "We used to be. But after Claire's death…" he trailed off. "We all dealt with it in our own ways." He finally said, keeping his eyes closed.

"How did you deal with it?" Dean asked quietly, turning towards Cas.

Castiel didn't answer, squeezing his eyes tighter as if to block something out. Several minutes passed, and Dean was about to change the subject when Cas opened his eyes and whispered, "I didn't."

Dean shut his mouth, returning his gaze to the bees. They laid like that for some time before Cas broke the silence.

"What about your family?" he questioned. "You said your parents are always busy. What about your brother?"

Dean shrugged. "Sammy's a pest," he chuckled. "But I couldn't imagine a life without him."

Cas nodded. "Is that all?" he inquired.

"Well, I don't have a lot of extended family. My grandparents all died before I was born, so it's pretty much just the four of us. Unless you count my friends," he added.

"You consider the people you sit with at lunch to be your family?" Cas asked in surprise.

"Of course. I'd do anything for them. Just because they aren't blood, doesn't mean they aren't family."

Cas looked thoughtfully at the sky. "The blood of the convent is thicker than the water of the womb." he said softly.

Dean turned back towards Cas. "What was that?" he asked as he furrowed his brow.

Cas turned and met Dean's gaze. "Have you ever heard the saying 'blood is thicker than water'?" At Dean's nod of affirmation, he continued. "That's actually the shortened version. The original saying is 'the blood of the convent is thicker than the water of the womb.' Basically, it means that the bonds we form throughout our lives are stronger than that of biological connections. So really, people use the shortened version as a way of saying the opposite of the real axiom."

Dean smiled in amazement. "How is it possible that one person can be so smart?" he asked, astonished once again by his friend's vast knowledge.

Castiel blushed, turning away from Dean in embarrassment. "I just read a lot of books."

Dean scooted closer to Cas- only a little, so that the younger boy wouldn't notice. "No," he said softly. "You're a genius, Cas. Honestly, I've never met someone who knows as many things as you do."

Castiel looked into Dean's eyes, trying to read his expression. "My siblings are far more intelligent."

Dean shook his head. "Your siblings are assholes."

"So am I," Cas argued.

Dean laughed. "You are many things, Castiel Novak, but an asshole is not one of them." Dean leaned forward, just the slightest bit, so that his lips were mere inches from Cas's. He could feel Castiel's breath on his cheek, each exhale sending shivers down his spine. _Just a little closer…_

Castiel broke Dean out of his treacherous thoughts. "You barely know me, Dean Winchester," he said softly as he stared into Dean's eyes. "I'm not a good person. I've done terrible things."

"Cas, you're nothing _but_ good. So you've made a few mistakes- who hasn't? That doesn't make you an asshole," Dean countered.

Cas looked at Dean's lips. "I'm afraid the price for my mistakes was far too high for me to ever come back from," he mumbled. "I could do penance for the rest of my life, and it would still never make up for all I have done." Cas's eyes flitted back to Dean's.

"What did you do, Cas?" Dean asked gently. "You can tell me."

Castiel hesitated. "I can't" he said, turning back to watch the bees. Dean was disappointed by the space between them once again- both literally and figuratively.

"Why not?" he questioned, silently begging Castiel to look at him again.

Cas ran a hand through his hair. "Because I'm not ready to lose you, too," he answered softly, following the path of one bee with his eyes.

Dean furrowed his brow in confusion. "You won't lose me, Cas," he assured his neighbor. "We're family."

Cas turned to Dean, bewilderment written all over his face. "We're family?" he asked, his blue eyes wide.

Dean smiled at him. "I said my friends are my family, didn't I? And you're one of my best friends."

Castiel beamed, returning Dean's grin with one of his own. "Thank you, Dean," he said, his eyes filled with sincerity. "That means more than you will ever know."

* * *

><p>They watched the bumblebees for another 40 minutes before Dean sat up and stretched. "How do you do that?" he asked, yawning.<p>

"Do what?" Castiel questioned distractedly as he tried to determine if the bumblebee above him was Felix or not.

"Just stare at bees." Dean explained. "I almost fell asleep."

"You did fall asleep," Castiel pointed out as he decided it was not Felix- the wings were a millimeter too short.

Dean grinned. "Exactly. How can you not get bored?"

Castiel shrugged, pushing himself up so he was sitting next to Dean. "I love bees," he answered.

Dean shook his head, laughing under his breath. "What?" Castiel asked defensively.

"Don't ever change, Cas," Dean said, smiling slightly as he met Castiel's questioning gaze.

Castiel tilted his head. "I wasn't planning on it," he said with raised eyebrows.

Dean stood up and held out a hand to Castiel. Castiel took it, accepting Dean's silent offer to help him up. Dean pulled Castiel onto his feet, which resulted in him being pulled extremely close to Dean. Castiel froze, acutely aware of the 6 inches of space between them. _Just a little closer…_

_**No! You are not gay, Castiel. You are not going to ruin this. Dean is the best friend you have ever had- you will NOT screw this up.**_

"You want to get something to eat?" Dean offered, seemingly unaffected by the distance- or rather, lack of- between them.

Castiel took a step back, feeling his mind clear slightly as he stepped far enough away that he could no longer smell Dean's aftershave. "No, thank you," he declined. "I neglected to bring money with me."

"Come on. My treat," Dean offered generously.

Castiel smiled at Dean's kindness. "I appreciate the offer, but perhaps another time," he said, unwilling to allow Dean to pay for him.

Dean's shoulders slumped slightly. "Alright," he relented. "Can I at least give you a ride home?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes, that would be wonderful."

On the ride home, Dean played his favorite music, which happened to be Castiel's least favorite. As Dean sang along to AC/DC, Castiel watched the scenery outside the window as they drove down the gravel road that led to the main road. One thing Castiel loved about the park was that it was somewhat secluded, located in a meadow in the forest. He had discovered it over the summer, when he was exploring the woods behind his house. Castiel could just cut through his backyard and walk among the trees, reaching the park in 5 minutes flat. In a car, they had to drive down a little gravel road that connected the main roads to the park, which resulted in a slight detour.

Neither of the boys talked, but it wasn't uncomfortable. They just enjoyed each other's presence, Dean listening to his favorite music while Castiel stared out the window.

When they reached the house, Dean cut the engine and sat silently, neither boy making a move to leave.

"This was fun," Dean finally said, turning his body towards Castiel.

Castiel smiled. "It was," he agreed. "I quite enjoyed watching the bees with you."

Dean laughed. "You would like that even if I wasn't there."

"True," Castiel admitted. "But your company was appreciated."

A small smile appeared on Dean's face. "I'm glad," he said.

Castiel gazed into Dean's eyes, trying for the millionth time to read the emotions swirling in them with no success.

Dean leaned forward slightly, once again decreasing the gap between them. _Why does he keep doing that? What's the purpose?_

Castiel forced himself to turn away from Dean, opening the door and stepping out. He leaned down. "Thank you for a wonderful afternoon, Dean" he said.

Dean smiled at him. "Anytime, Cas," he replied.

Castiel shut the door and walked up to his house, leaving Dean behind in the Impala.

* * *

><p>Dean sighed in frustration. <em>That boy is most definitely gay,<em> he thought as he leaned back against the head rest._ Any straight guy would have stayed at least a foot away at all times. I repeatedly closed the gap between us, and he took his sweet time moving away._

_**Or maybe you're seeing signs where there aren't any, **_he argued with himself. _**After all, it's a known fact that Castiel doesn't have a lot of guy friends. Maybe he just doesn't know what the appropriate behavior is for platonic friends. Besides, he specifically told you he's not gay.**_

_Or maybe he hasn't realized he's gay yet. He could be in denial- God knows I was at first._

Dean sighed again, irritated at his own uncertainty.

_Either way, it doesn't change how I feel about him. I am totally screwed if it turns out I'm wrong._

Dean looked towards the Novak house, thinking about all the things he loved about Cas. His smile. His eyes. His fashion sense. His chapped lips. The way he tilted his head when he was confused. The way he seemed to know everything about everything. His fascination with bees. The way he talked about his little sister. The way he felt in Dean's arms…

Yes, the list went on and on. And as Dean Winchester realized how completely infatuated with Castiel he was, he started to pray he wasn't wrong.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** Reviews are greatly appreciated! Also thank you to all the people who have been following this story, it means so much to me :)**


	12. Chapter 12: You Had An Eyelash

**Author's Note:**** I'm going camping and I don't think the cabin has wifi, so the next chapter probably won't come out for at least a week. This chapter doesn't really have any Destiel, since the last few chapters have focused on that. Instead, this is about Dean's relationships with people besides Castiel. Happy reading!**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 12: You Had An Eyelash<strong>

* * *

><p>Dean walked into his quiet house and threw his jacket on the couch. Sammy was at Jess's house ("platonic friends" Dean's ass), and his parents were at work (as usual). Dean went into the kitchen and raided the freezer, grabbing the Rocky Road ice cream and plopping down on the couch. He checked his watch as he spooned his guilty pleasure out of its carton.<p>

_4:20. Charlie should be home by now._

Dean pulled out his phone and called his best friend. The phone rang twice before Charlie picked up.

"Well, well, well. Look who decided to come crawling back," Charlie greeted. "I gotta say, Dean, I'm seriously considering letting James take your place as general and demoting you back to a handmaiden."

Dean winced. "I'm sorry, Charles. I didn't mean to bail on LARPing, but something came up."

"Did that 'something' have to do with, oh, I don't know, an insanely attractive junior with blue eyes and dark hair who wouldn't know flirting if it kissed him on the mouth?"

Dean didn't respond, instead shoveling more ice cream into his mouth.

"That's what I thought," Charlie said, correctly assuming Dean's silence was confirmation. "Man, you are the only person I know who can be so whipped by someone they aren't even dating."

"Shut up," Dean laughed. "I can't help that my neighbor is the only person who meets my high expectations."

"Is one of those expectations 'not interested in a romantic relationship whatsoever'?" Charlie teased.

Dean smirked. "As a matter of fact, yes. That way I know they're really classy. Plus, I love a challenge."

Charlie snorted. Dean could practically hear her shake her head in exasperation. "A challenge? Dean, it's been a month and you haven't made a single move. And no, flirting doesn't count as a move."

Dean was about to argue, to tell her about his slumber party with Cas, but stopped as the words formed on his tongue. Instead, he feigned a sigh. "You're right," he conceded. "But Cas just seems like the type to run if things don't go the way he expects, you know? I don't want to scare him off, I guess."

Charlie stayed silent for a few moments. "I know what you mean," she finally sighed.

Dean perked up as he ate another spoonful of Rocky Road. "What's this?" he asked. "Does Charlie Bradbury, Queen of Moondoor, have a crush?"

"What? Pshhhhh. No way," Charlie denied. "Hey, wanna come over and play some video games?" she quickly changed the subject.

Dean glanced down at the half-empty ice cream carton. "Sure," he said as he put the lid on it and returned the Rocky Road to the freezer. "I'll be over in 10."

"See you then," Charlie said as she hung up.

Dean walked up the stairs to his room to grab a different shirt- his had grass stains. As he walked past his parents' room, he heard a gruff voice call, "Dean?"

Dean jumped, startled to hear another voice in what he had assumed to be an empty house. "Hey, Dad," he said awkwardly as he stopped in the doorway. "What are you doing home?"

"Oh, I, uh, finished early. I fixed all the cars for the day, so I figured I'd come home, maybe catch the game," John Winchester answered, not meeting his son's eyes.

Dean knew he made his dad uncomfortable. Ever since he had come out a year ago, his dad couldn't stand to be in the same room as him, instead working late at Bobby Singer's garage and avoiding Dean at all costs. It was like he didn't know how to act around Dean- as if he thought Dean's sexual preference affected his masculinity. _It's still me! _Dean wanted to scream. _I still like sports and women and cars and diner food and playing catch and going hunting. I just like guys too._

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, wanting to end his uncomfortable exchange with his father as quickly as possible. "Alright," he said, backing up. He turned to go when his dad stopped him.

"Do you want to watch it with me?" his dad asked, looking up at Dean for the first time in weeks.

Dean felt a smile tugging at his lips, but forced it away. "I would, but I kind of already made plans with Charlie…" Dean trailed off. "Maybe some other time?" he offered.

"Sure," John said, looking down. "Have a good time."

"I will," Dean said, turning around and racing to the garage. When he pulled away in the Impala, he looked down and realized he hadn't changed his shirt. _Oh, well._

* * *

><p>Charlie opened up the front door to a guy in a worn leather jacket and a grass-stained plaid shirt.<p>

"Glad you finally decided to show up," she said, dragging Dean inside and slamming the door closed. She pulled him towards the basement, or as she liked to call it, Headquarters of All That Is Geeky. HATIG, for short.

"Sorry," Dean apologized as they walked down the stairs. "I had a run-in with my old man."

"Sounds lovely," Charlie said as she booted up her Xbox. "Was he as awkward as ever?"

"More so, I think," Dean joked as he grabbed a controller. "But he did ask if I wanted to watch football with him. So, that's progress, I guess."

"I'd say so," she said as she settled into her gaming chair (throne). "What do you wanna play?"

"Something with shooting," Dean said, sitting in her other gaming chair. "I'm feeling the need to prove my manliness."

"Then you're really gonna feel disappointed when I kick your ass," Charlie teased as she loaded Halo 4.

"Trash talk, Bradbury? That's low," Dean said as he clutched his chest in mock heartbreak.

"It's not trash talk if it's true," Charlie said happily as she started the game.

Several rounds later, Dean tossed the controller down. "I give up," he sighed dejectedly. "You win. Six times."

Charlie smiled at him. "I told you," she said with a shrug. "Want something to drink?"

"Sure," Dean said as he stood from his chair. "What do you got?"

"I don't know," Charlie said as they walked back upstairs and to the kitchen. "I haven't gone shopping in a while."

Charlie was 18, so she lived alone. Technically, she had been living alone since she was 16. Charlie's parents died in a car crash when she was 10, and since she had no other family, she had bounced around from foster home to foster home. When she turned 16, she went to court and requested emancipation. Ever since, she had been living at her old house. Luckily, her parents had paid off the mortgage before the accident, so it had just been sitting here waiting for her. She made money by doing what she loved- Charlie was a web designer, one of the best. She also created video games, but those she usually released on the internet for free.

As Charlie tossed Dean a coke, he said, "Hey Charles, you know what you need for the HATIG?"

"What?" Charlie asked warily.

"A mini fridge," Dean said, ridiculously proud of his idea.

"Ya? Then why don't you buy me one, Mr. Suggestion Box," Charlie teased, even though it _was_ a good idea.

That was what she loved about her and Dean's friendship. They could literally say _anything _to each other and would still be fine. Even when they fought, they'd always make up again a few days later. Ever since Charlie had found Dean in that hallway…

* * *

><p><em>Charlie was walking through the school on a winter day. It was already dark out, and most people were at home, but Charlie had stayed late to finish up a project before winter break. As she was walking, she heard a quiet sob come from the hallway to her left. She turned in surprise, not expecting anyone still be in the building so late.<em>

"_Hello?" she called out. The sniffling abruptly stopped, and she heard shuffling as whoever was around the corner walked towards her._

"_Who's there?" she said as she walked towards the noise, her curiosity outweighing her caution._

_A tall boy stepped out of the shadows. He had short blond hair and green eyes, and he was wearing a leather jacket._

"_Aren't you in my science class?" Charlie asked as she recognized the stranger. He nodded, looking away. It was at that moment the Charlie realized his eyes were all red. "What's wrong?" she asked, her voice filled with concern._

_The boy shook his head. "Nothing," he said in a gruff voice, not meeting her eyes. He started to walk away when Charlie grabbed him by the arm._

"_Do you want to come to my place and have some hot cocoa?" she asked gently, not entirely sure why she was being so kind to the stranger._

_The boy finally met her gaze. "What's your name?" he asked, avoiding her question._

_Charlie hesitated before answering, "Charlie Bradbury. And you are?" she asked as she stuck out her hand._

"_Dean," the boy said, shaking her hand. "Dean Winchester."_

"_Well, Dean," Charlie said as she stuck her hand back in her coat pocket. "What do you say?"_

_Dean paused, mulling over her offer. "Alright," he said with a shrug._

_When they got back to Charlie's place, she led Dean to the kitchen, pulling out the chocolate powder._

"_So," she said as she started fixing two glasses of hot chocolate. "Why were you at the school so late?"_

_Dean shrugged. "I don't know. I was kind of just wandering the halls."_

"_How come?" Charlie asked as she poured the milk._

_Dean looked down. "I didn't want to go home."_

_Charlie nodded. "Ah. I've been there." She put the mugs in the microwave and leaned across the counter towards Dean. "So what was it? What happened?"_

_Dean hesitated before shaking his head. "It's nothing," he lied, avoiding Charlie's insistent stare._

_Charlie puffed out her cheeks and slowly blew out the air. "Well, that is total bullshit," she said. Dean's head shot up in surprise at her words. "Come on," she implored as she grabbed the mugs. "Why were you crying in the hallway?"_

_Dean bristled. "I wasn't crying!" he said defensively._

_Charlie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, ok," she said, unconvinced, and handed him his cup. "Seriously, just tell me."_

_Dean sighed, before coming clean with everything. He told her how he had realized he was bisexual, and how when he told his "friends", they had laughed in his face. He told her how his dad wouldn't even look at him, and his brother was too weirded out to talk to him. "I just… I feel really alone," he finished, looking into his mug of hot cocoa._

_Charlie reached over and put her hand on top of his. "You're not," she said quietly. "Your family will come around. And you can find new friends. Hell, I just met you and I'm already your friend," Charlie added with a grin._

_Dean looked over at Charlie, a smile playing at his lips. Then, he slowly leaned forward, closing the distance between them._

_Charlie leaned back. "What are you doing?" she asked._

_Dean froze. "Nothing," he said quickly._

_Charlie gasped. "Oh my god," she said, a smile creeping across her face. "You were about to kiss me, weren't you?"_

_Dean blushed. "No!" he denied. "You had an eyelash-"_

_Charlie burst into laughter. Dean turned even redder. "I'm gonna go," he mumbled, getting out of his chair._

"_No, stay," Charlie gasped for breath. "I'm sorry. It's not you. It's just that you're not really my type- gender-wise, that is."_

_Dean paused, realization flashing across his face. "Wait," he said. "You're gay too?"_

_Charlie wiped away tears from her laughing fit. "Yep," she said, grinning at Dean._

_A smile spread across Dean's face. "Awesome," he said happily._

* * *

><p>"Charlie?" Dean asked, waving his hand in front of her face. "Hello? Earth to Charles!"<p>

Charlie blinked and looked up at him. "Sorry," she said. "I spaced out."

"Ya," Dean said, eyebrows raised. "I noticed. What were you thinking about anyways- your new crush?" he asked with a teasing grin.

Charlie blushed. "Shut up, Dean," she said embarrassedly. "There is no crush."

Dean laughed. "You sound like me when I talk about Cas," he joked.

"Ya, except _I'm_ telling the truth," Charlie argued as she jabbed him in the ribs. "Come on," she said as she walked back towards the casement. "Let's play Guitar Hero."

Dean shrugged. "Fine," he said as he followed her downstairs, determined to win at least one round.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** What did you think? Did you like how I portrayed Charlie and Dean's relationship? What do you think about Dean's father? I'd love to hear your opinions, so please review or pm me!**


	13. Chapter 13: In Too Deep

**Author's Note:**** Hi everyone! It's been forever, I know. But I finally finished Chapter 13 and I really hope you like it! Unfortunately, today was my first day of school, so from here on out updates may come less frequently, but I will try my hardest to update at least once a week! Happy reading!**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 13: In Too Deep<strong>

* * *

><p>Castiel didn't see Dean again that weekend, much to his disappointment. Instead, he stayed hidden in his room, avoiding his family at all costs. Even his mother, whom he had once spent hours of each day with, was circumvented as if she had the plague. As far as Castiel was concerned, she could take care of herself from now on. Gone were the days of waiting on her hand and foot, trying to convince her to eat something. Gone was the feeling of responsibility he had felt for her. Gone was the pity, care, and worry. Instead, he felt himself fill with rage at the thought of her. She had played him for a fool, going behind his back and calling his wretched siblings. <em>Well, if she wants them here so bad, then <em>_**they**__ can take care of her_, Castiel decided. He had done everything in his power to save him and his mother from the wrath of Jimmy Novak, but had she cared? Of course not. On the contrary, she stopped talking to Castiel altogether. He spent hours having conversations that were completely one-sided, trying to convince her that what he had done was for their own good. Yet she had remained unresponsive, staying in an almost comatose state- it seemed that the only difference between her and a brain-dead patient was that she was awake. But slowly, she had started to recover and take care of herself. She would even occasionally reply to Castiel. He had assumed that she was finally seeing Castiel's side of things.

He had been wrong.

Because while Amelia Novak was smiling to his face, she was also stabbing him in the back. She contacted the two people Castiel hated most in the world, inviting them to come and ruin everything Castiel had worked so hard for. She had broken Castiel's trust, claiming she had done it in the name of "family."

_What about me?_ Castiel wanted to scream. _Why can't I be enough for you?_

So Castiel kept to himself, spending his time in the basement with his door locked to prevent any unwanted intruders.

On Monday, Castiel left his house at 7:15 and saw Sam and Dean waiting for him in the Impala. He held back a smile as he slid into the back seat, grateful for the semblance of normalcy. He listened to the Winchesters' good-natured bickering in silence, allowing his mind to wander.

To his surprise, he found his thoughts circling a certain green-eyed boy. He glanced at Dean as he recalled Friday night and Saturday morning. And, of course, their discussion on sexuality at the park.

_Stop,_ he commanded himself. _There's no reason to be thinking about that. So what if Dean is gay? That doesn't change the fact that you aren't._

When they got to school, Castiel walked away from the brothers the way he did every morning. But as he headed towards his locker alone, he heard footsteps behind him.

"Cas!" Dean called. "Wait up!"

Castiel stopped and turned to face his friend, not bothering to hide his confusion. "What is it?" he asked. "Did I leave something behind?"

Dean caught up to him and they resumed walking. "Not that I know of," Dean said. "I just figured we could walk together for once, since we're both going to Crowley's class."

"Oh," Castiel said, still slightly puzzled by the change in routine. "Well, I have to stop at my locker…" he trailed off, expecting Dean to turn around and leave him at any moment.

"Me too," Dean replied. "We'll stop at our lockers and then head to class."

Castiel nodded in agreement and led Dean to his locker. Dean waited patiently as Castiel rifled through his books, finding the ones he would need for the morning.

"Here," Dean said as he took Castiel's textbooks in one hand and closed his locker with the other. "I can carry these for you."

Castiel tried to protest, but before he had the chance Dean started walking away. "Come on!" he called over his shoulder as he headed to his locker. Castiel hurried after him, not entirely sure what just happened.

"Dean?" he said as he followed the green-eyed boy down the hallway. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean, Cas?" Dean asked as he continued walking, a slight bounce in his step.

"It's just…" Castiel trailed off, not sure how to phrase his question. "We don't usually walk together in the morning," he explained.

"I know," Dean said, a slight smile on his face. "I just think it's silly that we don't." Dean stopped and opened his locker, stacking his books on top of Castiel's.

"I can carry those, Dean," Castiel said as he moved to grab his books. "I'm quite capable."

Dean took a step back so the books were out of Castiel's reach. "I know," he said again as he walked in the direction of the Drama Lit classroom. "But so am I."

Castiel was thoroughly confused by Dean's behavior, but figured it best to just go along with it rather than waste energy fighting him. As he had told Gabriel, fighting was futile.

As he entered the classroom, he could feel a pair of eyes watching him. He looked up, trying to find who was staring at him. He locked eyes with none other than Balthazar, who was watching Castiel unabashedly. Castiel blinked in surprise and tilted his head questioningly. Balthazar hadn't talked to him since that first day- he hadn't been cold, but he certainly hadn't been warm either. The British boy held Castiel's gaze, mirroring Castiel's bemused expression.

Castiel followed Dean to their desks, taking his place next to Balthazar. Dean set Castiel's textbooks on his desk and took his place behind the blue-eyed boy. Castiel turned to Balthazar, intending to ask him why he was staring. But as he was opening his mouth, the bell rang and Mr. Crowley stood up. Not wanting a repeat of the first day, Castiel shut his mouth and faced forward, pushing Balthazar out of his mind.

When class ended, Castiel quickly gathered his things and turned to Dean. "I'll see you at lunch," he said, and quickly walked away. He usually enjoyed Dean's company, but today Dean was acting rather… strange, to say the least.

Castiel walked alone to study hall. When he sat down at his desk, he pulled out a book and started to read, pushing out all thoughts about Dean and Balthazar.

Not a minute later, Balthazar plopped down in front of Castiel. "So, you and Winchester, huh? I must say, Castiel, I'm a bit disappointed. You really do deserve far better."

Castiel looked at the British boy in confusion. "What are you talking about?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

Balthazar ignored his question, instead continuing as if Castiel hadn't said anything. "I was rather hurt when you never called. I waited a whole month and never even received so much as a 'hello.' Honestly, Castiel, I thought we were better friends than that," Balthazar sighed.

Castiel felt his cheeks turn red in shame, although he wasn't quite sure why. "I am sorry about that, Balthazar. I saved your phone number, but I got… distracted," he explained weakly.

"By Dean Winchester," Balthazar finished.

Castiel chose not to answer, instead looking down at his desk. At that moment, the boy who usually sat in front of Castiel walked over. He looked at Balthazar pointedly, waiting for the British boy to move out of his seat.

Balthazar waved him off. "Scram," he said nonchalantly. "I'm having a conversation."

_Is that what this is?_ Castiel thought as the other boy sighed in frustration and begrudgingly left, not wanting to deal with Balthazar's dramatic ways.

Balthazar turned back to Castiel. "Look, I get it. You have a boyfriend. But that doesn't mean we can't be mates," Balthazar implored. "I meant what I said that first day."

Castiel stared in shock at Balthazar, his brain finally catching up to what the British boy had been hinting at. "Dean Winchester is _not_ my boyfriend," he said forcefully.

Balthazar raised his eyebrows. "Really?" he asked, unconvinced. "If that's the case, why was he carrying all your books?"

Castiel shrugged. "He was just being nice."

"Uh huh," Balthazar said. "What about the way he walks you to all your classes? Or how he gives you rides every day? Oh, and don't forget the way he looks at you like you're his entire world," Balthazar pressed. "That's just him being friendly, right?"

Castiel looked at Balthazar uncomfortably. "I'm not gay," he responded, not sure how else to address the boy's accusations.

Balthazar snorted. "Sure you aren't," he smirked.

Castiel furrowed his brow. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked indignantly.

Balthazar shook his head. "Forget it," he said, turning around.

Castiel looked down, unsure what Balthazar wanted him to say.

So he said nothing, instead taking out his phone and sending a text.

* * *

><p>To: Balthazar<br>Forget what? –Castiel

* * *

><p>Castiel watched anxiously as Balthazar checked his phone and sent a response.<p>

* * *

><p>From: Balthazar<br>So, do you ever find time to hang out with people other than Dean Winchester?

* * *

><p>Castiel thought it over before sending a response.<p>

* * *

><p>To: Balthazar<br>I'm actually free after school. Do you know anyone who might want my company?

* * *

><p>Instead of texting back, Balthazar turned around and smiled at Castiel. "I think I might," he answered mischievously. Castiel felt a small smile spread across his face.<p>

* * *

><p>Dean waited for Castiel at the Impala, feeling a familiar giddiness at the thought of seeing his angel again. True, Castiel had acted kind of distant today, especially at lunch, but Dean figured it was just Cas's usual discomfort he seemed to feel when Dean hung out with him in public. So when Castiel walked over to him, Dean didn't initially notice that something was wrong.<p>

"Hey, Cas," he said happily, a grin stretching across his face. "Ready to go?"

Castiel looked at the ground. "Um, actually Dean, I don't need a ride today," he said softly.

Dean furrowed his brow. "Oh, ok. Are you staying after school or something?" he asked, starting to sense that something was off.

"Not exactly," Castiel said uncomfortably. He opened his mouth to explain when the unthinkable happened.

A Volvo pulled up behind Cas and the driver's window rolled down. "Are you ready, Castiel?" asked an obnoxious British voice.

"Yes," Castiel answered Balthazar as he glanced at Dean. Dean watched in shock as Castiel slid into the back seat of the British asshole's fancy car. Castiel paused before he closed the door.

"I'll talk to you later?" he said to Dean, although it sounded a lot like a question.

Dean looked at Castiel, doing his best to cover the betrayal he felt. "Sure," he said, feigning nonchalance.

Cas closed the door and Balthazar drove off, taking Dean's angel with him. "Son of a bitch," Dean muttered to himself, although he wasn't sure whether he was talking about Balthazar or Castiel.

"Dean?" Sammy asked. Dean turned numbly towards his little brother, who had been leaning against the passenger side as they had waited for Cas. "Are you ok?"

Dean gave Sam a weak smile. "Of course I am, Sammy. Why wouldn't I be?" he lied.

They drove home in silence- Dean wasn't in the mood for their routine bickering. When he pulled up to the house, he cut the engine and stared straight ahead.

"Dean?" Sam asked worriedly.

Dean remained silent, closing his eyes and leaning back into the seat. "I'm in too deep, Sammy," he finally answered, keeping his eyes closed.

Sam didn't respond, but Dean could feel his little brother's eyes on him. Dean continued. "I'm in too deep, and I'm drowning. I tried to convince myself otherwise, but Sam, I like Cas way too much. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't return the feeling."

Sam snorted. Dean's eyes shot open as he turned towards his brother. "What?" he asked, using anger to mask his embarrassment.

Sam rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot if you honestly think Cas isn't into you," Sam said. "He may not realize it, but everyone can see the way he looks at you. Everyone but _you_, apparently."

Dean felt hope blossom in his chest, but quickly tried to squash it. "You don't know what you're talking about," he said indignantly.

"Seriously, Dean?" Sam sighed. "I'm 15, not 8. I think I know a thing or two about when people are attracted to each other."

Dean smirked. "Clearly that's not the case, considering the fact that you still think you and Jess are just friends," he teased maliciously.

Sam shook his head as he opened his door. "Bite me, Dean," he said as he got out.

_If there's one thing Sammy's good for, it's a laugh,_ Dean thought as he chuckled and followed his brother inside.

* * *

><p>Hours later, when Dean was lying in bed nearly asleep, he heard his phone ring. He checked the caller ID and smiled.<p>

"Hey Cas," he answered sleepily. "What's up?"

"Hi, Dean," said a gravelly voice on the other end. "Did I wake you?"

"Nah, I'm wide awake," Dean answered as he stifled a yawn. "What time is it?"

"Almost midnight," Cas replied.

There was a beat of silence. "Not that I don't love hearing your voice, Cas, but do you have a reason for calling me at almost midnight?" Dean joked as he fought to keep his eyes open.

Cas cleared his throat. "I, um, wanted to tell you about my afternoon," he said uncertainly. "But you can go to bed, if you prefer."

Dean sat up, forcing himself awake. "No! I'd love to hear about your afternoon. You were with Balthazar, right?" Dean asked as he leaned against the wall.

Dean could practically hear Cas's smile through the phone. "Ya, he and Meg and I-"

"Wait, Meg? As in Masters?" Dean cut Cas off.

"Ya, do you know her?" Cas asked.

_Know her? That girl is worse than Josie Sands- she isn't possessed by a demon, she __**is **__one. _"I've seen her around," Dean answered nonchalantly. "So the three of you hung out?"

"Ya, we went to Balthazar's house and watched reality TV that was really terrible and Meg made popcorn and…" Castiel went on and on about his afternoon with Dean's least favorite people in the school (besides Alastair and the gang, of course, but Meg and Balthazar were a close second). Dean sat quietly, adding little noises of affirmation occasionally to let Castiel know he was still there. Despite the fact that it was Meg & Balthazar Castiel was talking about, Dean enjoyed listening to the blue-eyed boy talk so enthusiastically about his day, even if he hadn't been a part of it.

"… and while we were watching some romantic comedy that I didn't pay attention to, Meg leaned over and kissed me," Castiel said casually, as if he was kissed by demon spawn every day.

"_What?_" Dean asked incredulously, feeling his stomach clench at the thought of Castiel kissing anyone else.

"Meg kissed me," Castiel repeated, not understanding what was so crazy about the fact that Meg Master's mouth had violated his.

"Where was Balthazar when this happened?" Dean asked, knowing that Balthazar liked Cas almost as much as Dean did. _Why didn't he stop Meg from ruining sweet little Castiel?_

"Oh, he was in the kitchen getting snacks, I think," Cas said.

"Well, what did you do?" Dean asked, scared to hear Castiel's reply.

There was a beat of silence, as if Castiel was just realizing how strained Dean's voice sounded. "Nothing," he said softly. "I just let her kiss me." When Dean didn't respond, Castiel started to worry. "Dean?" he asked, his voice gentle. "Is everything ok? Did I do something wrong?"

Dean struggled to find his voice, reaching deep inside to learn how to speak again. "No," he said hollowly. "No, of course not. You didn't do anything, Castiel. In fact, you did _nothing_." Dean fought to keep the venom out of his words, despite the fact that every bone and muscle and instinct in him was telling him to rip Meg to shreds and send her back to Hell. "Listen, Cas, I'm glad you had a good afternoon, but it's 1:00 AM and we have school tomorrow."

"Since when do you care about school?" Cas said quietly.

"Since it's 1:00 AM and I'm exhausted," Dean snapped. "Goodnight, Castiel."

"Goodnight, D-" Dean hung up before Castiel could finish.

_I think I'm going to be sick_, Dean thought as the image of Meg tongue-raping Castiel came to his mind. He ran to the bathroom as he felt the vomit climb his throat, its acid melting his insides. Unable to swallow back the bile, he felt his stomach heave as he puked into the porcelain bowl. He wiped his mouth and laid on his back, the cool tiles soothing his overheating cheeks. He laid there for what felt like years, covered in cold sweat and misery. He couldn't find the strength to push himself up.

"Dean?" Dean opened his eyes and turned to face his father

"Hey," he said hoarsely. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I think I caught a stomach bug or something."

John said nothing, instead helping Dean up to his feet and walking him to his room. They stopped outside his doorway, and Dean leaned tiredly against a wall. John studied him before reaching out and wiping something from Dean's face. With a start, Dean realized it was a tear. He quickly rubbed at his eyes, trying to wipe away the sadness and despair along with the tears. He turned away, hiding his shame.

"Keep your chin up, Dean," whispered John. "Things will be better tomorrow." And with that, he walked back to his room, leaving Dean alone with his broken heart.

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><p>Castiel stared at his phone in confusion, hoping that at any second Dean would call him back and laugh about how his phone had dropped Castiel's call. Then he would make a joke about Cas being a womanizer and Castiel would blush and tell Dean to knock it off, but really he would be thinking about how much he loves Dean's laugh and how his eyes light up when he smiles and how carefree Castiel could be with him and they would both be happy if Dean would just wake up and <em>call him back<em>_** right now.**_

_**He went to bed, Castiel. He's not going to call back.**_

_I wish he would. What happened? I mean, I know he's not exactly a fan of Balthazar, but he seemed totally fine until…_

_Until I told him about the kiss._

Castiel stiffened at the realization. Dean had been fine until Castiel had mentioned Meg's kiss. But why would he be upset about that? He _was_ gay, wasn't he?

Castiel recalled Dean's words at the park. _"Gay? Ya. Bisexual, actually…"_

The answer struck him like a lightning bolt. _**Idiot**_, Castiel chastised himself. _**You stupid, stupid fool. He likes Meg.**_

It all made sense. The way he reacted when Castiel mentioned she was there, how abruptly he hung up after he told him about Meg making a move. What other explanation could there be?

_He could like me._

Castiel shook away the thought before it had fully formed. Dean wasn't interested in _him_. With his messy hair and deathly pale skin? Not to mention his unstable family and alarming personality.

A voice from his past reached out and whispered from the darkest part of his mind. _**Who could possibly love a monster such as yourself?**_

No, it was absurd. The very notion that Dean could even _look _at Castiel in that way was laughable. Clearly Meg was the root Dean's jealousy.

Castiel sighed and fell back onto his bed. _I can't lose Dean,_ Castiel decided. _So I'll just have to tell Meg it can't happen again. It's not like I was all that interested in her anyways._

Castiel smiled, content with his solution. This way, everything could go back to normal. He could still be friends with Balthazar, but he would primarily spend his time with Dean. Everyone would be happy.

Castiel grabbed a book off his shelf and settled into his blankets, counting down the hours until he would see his friend again at 7:15.

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><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** You know the drill. Review or PM me any thoughts or questions or suggestions you have, I would love to hear them :)**


	14. Chapter 14: Don't Fly Away

**Author's Note:**** So, as promised, I only took about a week to write and post this chapter. I will do my best to continue the streak, but the next few weeks are going to be incredibly busy for me, so don't hate me if I take a little longer than promised please! This is the chapter you have all been waiting for, and I hope you like it. Happy reading!**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 14: Don't Fly Away<strong>

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><p>Dean forced his eyes open as his alarm clock ran incessantly, his head throbbing with each beep. He groaned as he hit snooze and rolled over. As he was drifting back into blissful sleep, he heard a soft, feminine voice call to him through his cloud of lethargy.<p>

"Dean?" his mother said in a worried tone, placing a hand on his shoulder. "How do you feel? Your father said you caught a virus."

Dean reluctantly pulled his eyelids apart, the light from the windows burning his retinas. "Ya, I don't know. I just woke up in the middle of the night feeling nauseous," he fibbed, not wanting to tell Mary Winchester that the real reason he had been puking his guts out was because he had been trying to puke his heart out to stop the aching in his chest.

It hadn't worked.

"You don't look so good, sweetheart," his mom fretted as she felt his forehead. "I think you should stay home from school today."

Dean shrugged, his despair overpowering the thought of getting to skip school. "If you say so," he muttered sleepily.

Mary smiled a small, sweet smile at her eldest son. As she was getting up to leave Dean in peace, her pager that was clipped to the waistband of her scrubs went off. "Dammit," she mumbled as she glanced at the small screen. She looked at Dean apologetically. "I have to run to the hospital- one of the kids needs his surgery _now_. Do you think you could drive Sam to school for me? I wouldn't normally ask, but your father's already at work and I have to leave now."

Dean nodded. "Ya, Mom," he said half-heartedly. "I'll drive Sammy."

His mom smiled as she kissed him on the forehead. "You're an angel," she said with a sigh of relief. "I'll call you in sick on my way to work." And with that, she was out the door and on her way to save another child's life, unaware of the gut-wrenching pain she had just caused her son by reminding him of the angel he had lost.

Dean laid in bed for another moment while he searched for the strength to get up. He pushed himself up and threw on a pair of sweatpants, not even bothering with a shirt. Each movement drained away a little more of his limited supply of energy. He shuffled out of the room, moving about as quickly as a snail.

"Sammy?" he called out as he rubbed his face, trying to wake up enough to be confident in his driving skills. "Are you ready to go?"

"You look like Hell," Sam answered as Dean slowly but surely made his way to the garage. Sam followed, glancing at Dean with concern. "What happened?"

"I'm sick, bitch," Dean said flatly, not in the mood to talk. Thankfully, Sam took the hint and shut his mouth, sliding silently into the passenger seat.

As Dean started the Impala, his attention was drawn to the trench coat wearing angel walking out of the Novak house.

"Oh, God, please no," Dean begged, not caring that Sammy could hear him. "I can't do this- not today." Sam looked at him questioningly, but before he could ask what Dean meant, a certain blue-eyed heartbreaker slipped into the back seat.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel said, his traitorous eyes filled with warmth.

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><p>Castiel's smile quickly faded when he say the state Dean was in. "What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.<p>

Dean Winchester looked as if he had been dragged into the hole that was Perdition and couldn't find a way to climb back out. His eyes were still puffy with sleep, and he looked so beaten down that Castiel couldn't believe it was the same boy who had walked him to his classes just 24 hours ago. He wasn't even wearing a shirt, his toned torso completely uncovered. Castiel couldn't help but let his eyes roam over the masterpiece that was Dean Winchester before returning his gaze to his friend's tired green eyes.

Dean looked away, coolly answering, "I'm sick," before focusing his attention on the road. As they drove, Castiel could feel the tension- there was no bickering between the brothers, and Dean seemed almost… hostile towards him. He refused to meet Castiel's eyes, and instead chose to ignore him completely. Castiel felt his chest tighten as he realized Dean was angry with him.

_He must like Meg more than I thought._

Castiel wondered why the thought made him feel slightly ill himself.

When they pulled up to the school, Dean turned off the ignition and waited silently for Sam and Castiel to leave. Castiel cleared his throat. "Dean? Could I please talk to you in private?"

Dean glared at Castiel with so much resentment in his eyes it made him wince. Sam shot him a look of pity before turning to Dean and saying, "I'll get a ride home with one of my friends." He quickly exited the tension-filled car.

Castiel looked at Dean pleadingly, silently begging him to give him a chance to explain.

Dean tilted his head upward as he contemplated Castiel's offer before sighing and grumbling, "Fine."

Castiel felt relief flood his veins, and he quickly got out and switched to the passenger seat before Dean could change his mind.

Once Castiel had closed the passenger side door, he turned to Dean and started to explain. "I-"

"Stop right there," Dean cut him off. "Let's make one thing clear- from now on, I am no longer your little bitch. We don't do things on your terms anymore, we do them on mine. Understand?" Dean asked softly, his voice shaking with fury. Castiel quickly nodded, not wanting to antagonize Dean any more than he already had. Dean continued, "Good. So my first term is this: if you really want to talk, you ditch class and come to the park with me." Castiel's eyes widened in horror at the thought of skipping school. Dean stared at him grimly. "Those are the terms. Take 'em or leave 'em."

Despite his reluctance, Castiel whipped out his phone and dialed the school's number. "Castiel Novak won't be attending school today, as he has caught a virus." Castiel hung up and smiled at Dean proudly, surprise flashing across the older boy's face when he realized Cas was serious. But almost as quickly as it disappeared, Dean's wall of anger was back in place, just begging Castiel to break it down.

They drove in silence to the park as Castiel tried to reassure himself. _It's going to be alright. Good things always happen at the park. I'll talk to Dean and explain that I didn't realize he was interested in Meg, and then he'll forgive me and things can go back to normal._

When they got to the park, Dean cut the engine, but neither boy made a move to exit the car. Dean had a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel and he seemed to be regretting his decision. Castiel attempted to break the ice. "So, why are you driving Sam and me to school if you're sick?"

"My mom's a pediatric surgeon," he stated as he stared out the window. "One of her patients had an accident and needed an emergency procedure."

"Oh," Castiel said, slightly surprised. _That explains why she's always so "busy."_

Dean sighed, his shoulders drooping as he leaned back against the headrest and closed his eyes. Castiel did his best to ignore Dean's muscular abdomen and placed a hand on Dean's bare shoulder.

"Dean?" he asked. "Is everything ok?" _**Idiot. Of course it's not.**_

Dean abruptly ripped his arm out of Castiel's reach and jumped out of the car. Castiel tried to hide the hurt he felt and slowly got out of the Impala as well.

Dean's hands were clasped together and resting on the roof of his car, his head bowed as though in prayer. After a few minutes of excruciating silence, he finally spoke. "Why'd you do it, Cas?" he asked brokenly, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel replied softly as he, too, leaned against the car. "I didn't realize…" he trailed off when Dean looked up at him, his green eyes burning with hurt.

"You didn't _realize_?" he asked incredulously. "What, are you blind?"

Castiel looked at Dean helplessly. "You never talked about her. Honestly, I forgot that you like both guys _and_ girls. I didn't really think she was your type. But Dean, now that I know, I'll stay far away from her. I promise," he said resolutely.

Dean looked at him in confusion. "Her?" he repeated, taking a step back from the car. "What are you talking about?"

Castiel walked around the car and stopped in front of Dean. "Meg? You like her, right? That's why you were so upset when I told you she kissed me."

Exasperation flitted across Dean's face as he narrowed his eyes. "You know, Cas, for someone as smart as you, you sure can be an idiot."

Castiel frowned and tilted his head. "I know you're angry, Dean, but is name-calling truly necessary?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Sorry, I'll try to be nicer next time you act this stupid," he snapped.

"What do you mean?" Castiel furrowed his brow. "How am I acting unintelligent?"

Dean took a step closer. "Cas," he said calmly, although Castiel could see the irritation that was building inside him. "I don't like Meg. In fact, I hate that she-devil almost as much as I hate Balthazar. More, now, actually," he said coolly as he held Castiel's gaze.

Castiel tilted his head, baffled. "What? But I thought you were upset because of the kiss?"

Dean raised his eyebrows, his hair golden in the sunlight. "I was. Still am, actually," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. His eyes filled with disbelief when Castiel continued to look at Dean in confusion. "Do you seriously still not get it?" he asked incredulously. When Castiel shook his head, Dean took another step closer, leaving less than a foot of space between them. "Cas, I don't like Meg- I like _you_."

Castiel stared in shock at Dean, his mind blown. "_What_?" he shouted in astonishment, losing his composure. "Why would you like _me_, Dean? Don't you get how stupid that is?"

"No, I don't!" Dean shouted back, throwing his arms in the air in frustration. "I don't get how liking the most incredible, smart, funny, _attractive_ guy in all of Kansas is stupid!"

"I'm not who you think I am, Dean," Castiel said, struggling with his words. "I'm not this perfect boy that you picture me as. I'm _broken_, Dean. I am shattered beyond repair, and you can't change that. You can't _fix_ me, Dean. I've accepted that I'm damaged. You should to," he said, not meeting Dean's eyes.

Dean gently grabbed Castiel's chin and tilted his head up. "Who said I wanted to fix you?" he asked, his voice suddenly soft. He leaned a little closer, leaving only centimeters between his lips and Castiel's.

"Stop, Dean," Castiel protested weakly, his voice quivering with what he tried to convince himself wasn't want. "I can't."

"Why not?" Dean asked softly, not moving away. He smirked. "You know I'm not really sick, right?"

"It's not that," Castiel said, his mind clouding from the lack of distance. He noticed that Dean's hand was still holding his chin, but he didn't pull away. "It's just…" he trailed off as Dean moved even closer, losing his train of thought.

"Come on, Angel," Dean whispered softly. "Stop flying away."

Castiel could no longer resist his desire, and he smashed his lips into Dean's, passion taking over his actions. Dean responded instantly, pulling Cas to him as he grabbed fistfuls of his tangled hair. He opened his mouth and Castiel did the same, their tongues dancing around each other to explore one another's mouth. Castiel whimpered at the need he felt to touch Dean's skin, and pressed himself against the green-eyed boy, his body melting against Dean's bare chest. Dean grabbed him by the hips and spun him around, pressing Cas's back into the Impala. Cas ran his hands up and down Dean's muscled back, digging his fingernails into his skin. Dean moaned and kissed him with a new kind of desperation, his lips tasting Cas so hungrily that the younger boy's knees gave out. Dean caught him and picked him up, and Cas instinctively wrapped his legs around Dean's waist. Dean pulled away for a second and looked longingly into Castiel's eyes, lust written all over his face.

"I don't care," he panted, "that you're broken, Cas. I don't _care_ that you're family's crazy and you don't like my music and you refuse to act like a normal human being. All I care about is _you,_" he said softly, his eyes searching Cas's for understanding.

Cas stared into those beautiful green emeralds that were Dean Winchester's eyes. He saw that they were glistening with want and need and affection and devotion and genuineness and so many other feelings Castiel had read about in his books but had never gotten the chance to see in real life.

And suddenly he was terrified.

He felt something inside him snap, and before he could stop it, a rush of tears climbed up his throat, making it hard for him to breathe. Years' worth of sorrow filled his eyes and spilled over, sliding down his cheeks like raindrops.

"Cas?" Dean asked worriedly, concern and fear filling his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Put me d-down," Castiel demanded softly, stumbling over the words with his swollen lips as tears streamed down his face. Dean dropped Castiel's legs and backed away, albeit only a little. Castiel wiped his eyes, although the tears kept falling, the drizzle of raindrops turning into a storm.

"What did I do?" Dean asked, grabbing Castiel hand. "What did I do, Cas? Please, I'm sorry. Just tell me how I can make it better," he pleaded.

Castiel looked up at the beautiful blue sky that seemed to be mocking his sadness. "My name," he said in a pained whisper, "is Castiel." He ripped himself away from Dean and headed towards the forest, the steady flow of tears dripping from his eyes blurring his vision.

"Cas?" Dean called to him. "Cas!"

Castiel paused, but didn't turn around.

"Don't do this," Dean pleaded. "Don't run away. I need you, Cas. You mean so much to me it hurts." Castiel heard Dean take a step towards him and bit his lip, not sure what to do. "I care about you, Cas," Dean continued as he took another step. "I don't know what I did to upset you, but I promise I won't do it again. Please," he begged. "Just don't leave now. Stay, Cas. Don't fly away."

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut as Dean's words hit him like a ton of bricks. He took a deep breath and turned around.

"I am _not_," he said venomously, "you're _angel_. I'm not _yours_, Dean. I never have been." Castiel registered the hurt in Dean's eyes but pushed on. "You mean _nothing_ to me. Not anymore. You ruined it, Dean." At this, Dean winced, causing Castiel to almost break, to run into his arms and confess that he didn't ruin anything, that it was Castiel who would eventually, just like he always did. But he stayed strong, building a wall of anger similar to the one Dean had used earlier to mask his true feelings. "Did you honestly think I would fall for _you_? Of all the people in the world, why in Heaven's name would I ever love you?" At this point, Dean's eyes were filling with tears, and Castiel delivered the final blow, guaranteeing that Dean would stay away from him- and more importantly, _safe_- forever. "You faggot," Castiel said mockingly, knowing that Dean hated that word more than anything in the world, just like he knew that Dean's favorite food was pizza and his favorite band was AC/DC and he couldn't stand the feeling of being sticky. Castiel knew Dean so well, which was why it was so easy for him to break the green-eyed boy's heart.

Dean stumbled backwards, betrayal written all over his face. Before he could say a word, Castiel spun around and walked away, leaving the older boy without looking back.

When Castiel was halfway home, far enough into the woods that he was sure Dean couldn't see him, he collapsed onto the ground. He curled up into a ball and wept for everything he had just thrown away, despising himself more than he had ever thought possible.

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><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** So, how much do you hate me? I'm so sorry about this chapter (I'm totally not sorry), but I promise that Cas & Dean will work out their problems soon! (no they won't). But seriously, I'd love to hear feedback on how I did with this chapter. Did you guys like the make-out session? That was pretty difficult for me to write, considering I've never made out with anyone, so I hope I did it justice. Review or PM me your thoughts!**


	15. Chapter 15: Clipped Wings

****Author's Note:**** I would like to start off with an apology- I am incredibly sorry that I took a week longer to write this chapter than I said I would. I swear I will try to be better. Happy reading!****

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><p><strong>Chapter 15: Clipped Wings<strong>

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><p>Dean stared in shock at the line of trees that Castiel had disappeared into. As he sunk to the ground in devastation, he couldn't shake a certain thought from his head.<p>

_What the hell just happened?_

Dean stared at the forest, searching the green-turning-red leaves for answers. He looked around at the empty park, his brain still not registering the events that had passed. _Where did Cas go?_

_He's gone._

Suddenly, it hit Dean all at once. The car ride. The fight. The kiss. All of it came and crashed into him like a wave of hopelessness, threatening to pull him under. He was drowning, just like he told Sammy. Just like he knew he would all along. It felt as though when Castiel left, when he turned his back on Dean, he took all the air with him.

And Dean was starting to suffocate.

Gasping for oxygen, Dean pulled out his phone and called the one person he knew would be at his side as fast as humanly possible. After just two rings, his best friend answered.

"Where are you, brother?" Benny's southern voice drawled. "I haven't seen your dumb ass all day."

Dean coughed into the phone. "I need help, Benny," he wheezed.

Benny's playful tone quickly disappeared. "Dean, where are you?" he asked again, alarm filling his voice.

Dean held back a sob. "I'm at that park I told you about. The one that C-" Dean choked on his neighbor's name.

Luckily, Benny knew exactly what Dean was talking about. "I'm on my way," he said grimly. "Do you want me to stay on the phone, or should I hang up?"

Dean didn't answer, instead staring numbly at the line of trees as his lungs continued to struggle for air.

_I thought__** Meg**__ kissing Castiel was bad. Turns out that me kissing him was so much worse._

Dean felt as if his heart had been ripped out and shoved down his throat. He felt dazed, yet at the same time it was like he was slowly burning up from the inside. Very. _Very_. Painfully.

And it was Castiel who had struck the match.

"Dean?" he heard Benny call through the phone. "Just wait a minute, ok? I'm almost there."

Dean nodded, not really processing that Benny couldn't see him.

Hours later (or at least, that's how it felt to Dean), he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head to look up at his best friend.

"You were right," he said hollowly. Benny furrowed his brow. "About Castiel," Dean clarified. "So congratulations, Benny. You win the game of 'How Much Shittier Do You Think Dean Winchester's Life Can Get?' Your prize is the right to say 'I told you so.' Go ahead," Dean prompted, his voice starting to get hysterical. "Tell me what an idiot I was. Tell me how you knew it all along. Tell me I should have listened to you. Come on, Benny. Don't you want your prize?"

Benny dropped down besides Dean, looking off into the forest where Dean had been looking. "I don't know, Dean," Benny said slowly. "I'm not sure I want a prize from a game show that has the word 'shit' in it. Seems like a bad omen."

Dean snorted and closed his eyes. "I guess it does, doesn't it?" he agreed.

As they sat there in silence, Dean's breathing started to regulate, his pulse slowing down. Benny glanced over at him when he seemed closer to sane.

"Let's get out of here," he said, standing up and holding out a hand to Dean. Dean accepted Benny's help in getting up, and they walked to Benny's truck.

When they were situated in Benny's rusty old pick-up truck, Benny turned to Dean. "Do you want to go home?"

Dean shook his head. Anywhere but there, he tried to say. Anywhere but my house that's next door to _him_. Dean tried to tell Benny this, but nothing would come out of his mouth. Nothing except a broken sob.

Dean's eyes filled with tears, and try as he might, he couldn't hold them back._**Cas was right. You really are a faggot. You can't even stop yourself from crying like a little bitch.**_Dean dropped his head into his hands and whimpered quietly for everything he had destroyed.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "It's ok, brother," Benny soothed. "I'm here for you."

Dean leaned on to Benny's shoulder as he tried to choke back another violent sob. "I ruined it," he moaned. The tears started flowing more steadily, creating a river down his cheeks. "I ruined it, I ruined it, I broke him I broke it it's ruined I ruined it _why do I break everything I touch Benny why can you please tell me what's wrong with me because I just don't understand._" Dean said all this in one strangled breath, unable to lock away the question that had been growing in his mind since long before he met Cas. That was the million dollar question. What was wrong with him? His mom was a genius, but unlike Sam, he took after his father in the brains department. Yet instead of being close to the man who created him, his dad couldn't stand to be in the same room as his bisexual son. Dean was alone. Even little Sammy didn't need him anymore. He was really and truly _useless_. Like a broken toy, lost and long-forgotten.

Benny pulled Dean into a hug as Dean's body shook with silent sobs for everything he had lost. "There ain't nothing wrong with you, brother. And if Novak can't see that, then he doesn't deserve you," Benny soothed. Dean didn't answer, instead pulling away and curling into a ball in his seat, unable to stop the flow of tears.

Benny sighed and started the engine. "We'll go to my house, then," he decided. Dean didn't hear him over the sound of his heart shattering.

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><p>Castiel stumbled through the back door of his house and headed towards the safety of his room. As he opened the door to the basement, a familiarly malicious voice commented from behind him.<p>

"Wow, Cassie. Never pegged you for the walk-of-shame type," Gabriel sneered. Castiel's grip tightened on the doorknob before he continued to walk down the stairs.

"I mean," Gabriel said from behind him, following Castiel down. "You look like you have been thoroughly fucked over. Messy hair, swollen lips, red eyes. So what happened? You gave it up to Dean-o and then he kicked you out? Typical. You really should have known better, Cassie. Anna and I tried to warn you about him. Did you really believe him when he told you that you were special? Come on, Castiel. Your precious boyfriend was just trying to get in your pants."

Castiel had been doing his best to ignore Gabriel, but at the word "boyfriend" he lost it.

Castiel grabbed Gabriel by his collar and threw him against a wall, surprise flashing across the older boy's face as Castiel pinned him in place. Gabriel tried to push him off, but Castiel was much bigger than his vertically-challenged sibling. "You listen to me," Castiel hissed into his brother's face. "Dean Winchester is NOT my boyfriend, nor will he ever be. He is far too good for someone as dysfunctional and broken like me. And if you ever bring him up again, I will personally rip out your jugular. Are we clear?" Gabriel nodded, fear flashing across his eyes along with something that looked very similar to triumph.

Castiel let his brother go and stepped away. Gabriel rubbed his neck and looked at the ceiling.

"Wow, Cassie. Nice painting. You're a real Picasso," he joked, his voice hoarse from Castiel's arm pressing on his windpipe.

Castiel glanced up at the mural. He felt his heart lurch at the sight of the golden feathers. He stared at the wings he had painted to try and replace those that were lost when his sister died. But instead of feeling his usual sorrow, he felt something completely new- heartbreak. He remembered Dean's awe at the sight of the painting and suddenly wanted to vomit.

"Castiel? Hellooooooo!" Gabriel waved a hand in front of his younger brother's face, snapping him out of his trance. "Earth to Castiel!"

Castiel blinked and smacked away Gabriel's hand. "Can you drive?" he asked, turning to face his brother.

Gabriel furrowed his brow in confusion. "I guess. Where do you want to go?"

Castiel started up the stairs and headed to the garage, calling over his shoulder.

"I need to get some paint."

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><p>Gabe watched as his little brother (well, not really <em>little<em> anymore- he had proven that earlier) picked out a can of black paint. "Uh, Cassie?" he interjected. "Don't you think you need a little lighter of a color?"

Castiel glared at him. "I know what I'm doing, Gabriel," he said in that superior tone he had mastered when they were just little kids. Gabe fought the urge to roll his eyes- he didn't want to set his much stronger brother off again. Once was enough- for now. Gabe turned away so Castiel wouldn't see the smile that appeared on his face at the thought of Castiel _finally_ standing up for himself.

_I did it_, Gabe thought proudly to himself._ He finally broke out of his robotic shell. And it's all thanks to me._

_And Dean Winchester._

Gabe felt his smile turn sour at the thought of Castiel's "friend." Gabe had spent years trying to get Castiel to act even remotely like a human being, but Dean had managed to turn Cassie into a moody teenage boy in a _month_. He hated to admit it, but he knew Castiel never would have stood up to him if he hadn't been upset about… whatever it was he was upset about.

The drive home was silent and awkward, but Gabe didn't mind. He was just happy that Castiel was finally letting out all his suppressed emotions, even if he was taking them out on his older brother. When they pulled into the driveway, Castiel jumped out of the car and raced inside, Gabe struggling to keep up.

He followed Castiel down to his room, staying quiet so that Cassie wouldn't kick him out. He sat down on the last step and watched as Castiel started rushing around the room, laying out tarps over furniture and grabbing paintbrushes. Castiel opened the can of paint and stirred it before grabbing his largest paintbrush and dipping it into the pool of black. Gabe watched, excited to see how Castiel would add to the image on his ceiling.

His anticipation quickly turned to horror when Castiel slashed the paintbrush across the mural, leaving an ugly black scar on the white wings. "What are you doing?" Gabriel exclaimed as he shot up from the stairs. "You're ruining it!"

Castiel ignored him, instead staring grimly at the mural as he continued to mar it with angry black lines. Gabe watched in shock as his younger brother destroyed the masterpiece that must have taken hours to make.

Tears started dripping down Castiel's face, but he continued to cover the feathers with his paintbrush. Gabe stood silently as Castiel finished painting over it, his ceiling now a mess of black stripes, little specks of white showing through.

Castiel's chest heaved as tears slid silently down his cheeks, his body ridged with sadness and anger. Gabriel looked at him with wide eyes.

"What happened to you today?" he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Castiel didn't answer, instead staring at his clipped wings.

Gabriel hesitantly took a step towards his little brother. "Did Dean- did he hurt you?" Gabe asked, uncertain on how to comfort Castiel- usually he was trying to do the opposite.

Castiel's head snapped over to Gabriel, his puffy eyes becoming cold and hard. "Get out," he whispered.

_Don't have to tell me twice._ Gabriel turned and raced up the stairs, but when he got to the door, he paused. He turned around for one last look at his younger brother and felt his heart break.

Castiel had curled up into a ball on the floor and was quietly sobbing, his knees pulled up to his chest, paintbrush still in hand. Gabe chewed on his lip, unsure of whether to stay or go. After several moments of debating the options, he opened the door and left, accepting the fact that there was nothing he could do.

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><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** I apologize for the vulgar language, and again I'm very sorry I took so long with updating. PM me or write a review- I love hearing your thoughts. Who knows, maybe more reviews will make me write the next chapter faster ;)**


	16. 16:You're More Trouble Than You're Worth

**Author's Note:**** Hi everyone! Sorry it's been so long- I have been really busy with Color Guard practice for the past couple of weeks. My next update probably won't be until November, so I apologize in advance for the wait for the next chapter. Happy reading!**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 16: You're More Trouble Than You're Worth<strong>

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><p>It had been two weeks since Castiel had broken Dean's heart, and Dean was no closer to recovery than he had been on that wretched day at the park. He went through the motions, shuffling through his day lethargically. Trapped in his own mind, he was tormented by memories of Cas's chapped lips against his. He felt another piece of his already shattered heart chip away with each second that passed by without word from his blue-eyed angel. Depression took hold and wouldn't let go- food tasted flavorless, colors seemed grayer, and getting out of bed seemed pointless. The only thing that kept him going was Benny and Charlie. They had taken to driving Sam and Dean to school since Dean had left his Impala at the park and couldn't even stomach the <em>idea<em> of going back there. Usually, they would get to Dean's house early and force him out of bed, all the while telling him that today would be better, it wouldn't hurt so bad, he would get through this. Dean wanted to scream at them that he would never be ok, not as long as Castiel hated him, but he didn't even have the energy to do that. Instead, he let them help him, doing his best to at least _pretend_ to be happy if only for their sake.

He knew he wasn't fooling anyone.

Dean walked through the halls of his school with Benny next to him. Lately, Benny was always at his side, despite Dean's constant assurances that he would be fine. When he had asked Benny why he wouldn't leave him alone, Benny had shrugged.

"I'll always be here for you, Dean," he had answered cryptically.

Now, true to form, Dean waded through his cloud of misery with Benny at his side. Two weeks. Dean had only been away from Cas for two weeks, but those 14 days had been his own personal Hell.

Dean was so busy trying not to drown in his ocean of despair that he didn't even notice a certain British boy storm up to him.

"What did you do to Castiel?" Balthazar demanded, poking Dean accusingly in the chest.

Dean blinked in surprise and looked down at Balthazar's hand pushing him, knowing he should feel something but not quite sure as to what.

"The poor bloke's heartbroken," Balthazar continued, oblivious to Dean's unresponsiveness. Dean finally registered that the British boy was referring to Cas and perked up, straining his ears to pick up what Balthazar was saying through the haze of defeat. "He doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, and flat-out _refuses_ to tell me what's wrong."

Dean spoke up, his voice raspy from weeks of disuse. "So? That's just how C- Cas is," Dean pointed out, choking out the name of his neighbor.

Balthazar rolled his eyes. "I know, you bloody moron, but this is different. Before, he seemed happy for the most part, but now…" Balthazar trailed off with a sigh. "He's completely shut down. It's as if the chap doesn't feel anything."

Dean's mind wandered to the first day he had met Cas, when they had gone to the park and watched Felix the bumblebee after they fought about their friendship. He forced away the ache in his chest as he remembered how Cas's face had gone blank in the middle of a sentence, as if he had some sort malfunction and was trying desperately to solve the problem. "Cas'll do that," he finally answered, shaking himself out of the memory.

"But _why_?" Balthazar pressed. "What exactly happened between the two of you?"

Dean opened his mouth but no sound came out. How could he voice the fact that he had disgusted Castiel so much that his neighbor had run away as fast as he could? How could he describe that kissing Cas had been the best moment of his life, but at the same time it had been the worst mistake he ever made? Saying it aloud would make it all far too real for Dean's comfort.

Luckily, Benny chose this moment to come to Dean's rescue. "Why don't you ask Novak?" he asked as he crossed his arms threateningly.

Balthazar shot Benny a look of contempt. "I'm sorry, are you deaf? Did you not hear me _just_ explain that Castiel won't talk to anyone about it?"

"I heard you. I just don't care," Benny responded, his smooth Southern accent laced with menace.

The British boy glowered at Benny a moment longer before plastering on a fake smile so wide it hurt Dean's cheeks. "Right. Well, thank you boys, for absolutely _nothing_," Balthazar said with artificial sweetness before stomping off.

"What an ass," Benny mumbled to Dean as they stared after the British drama queen.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah," Dean agreed distractedly, analyzing the new information Balthazar had unknowingly provided him with.

_Heartbroken? Why would Cas be heartbroken? __**He**__ left __**me**__. What could possibly be upsetting him?_ Dean pondered these questions as he continued to push through the throng of people in the narrow hallways with Benny. He felt hope start to bubble up in his chest.

He couldn't bring himself to squash it while he had the chance.

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><p>Castiel sat quietly at the lunch table with Meg, reading his book as they waited for Balthazar to make an appearance. Balthazar usually showed up late- he had a tendency to be overdramatic. Meg chatted with Castiel despite the fact that he was clearly not listening, but he would occasionally mumble a response to give the illusion that he heard some of what she said. The truth was, Castiel couldn't focus on <em>anything<em> anymore. He didn't even know who the main character was in the book he was "reading." All he could ever think about was Dean's face when Castiel had thrown an ocean's worth of hurtful words at him and watched as he drowned.

To smother all thoughts of Dean, Castiel had retreated back into his shell, keeping all his emotions locked away in a chest in the darkest corner of his mind. He buried himself in schoolwork and books, pushing Dean to the edges of his mind.

But he was still always there, causing Castiel constant regret and grief.

Castiel was so wrapped up in trying to concentrate on his book that he didn't notice his British friend drop down on the bench next to him. Castiel jumped when he heard his name.

"Castiel?" Balthazar asked. "We need to talk."

Castiel closed his book and turned to face Balthazar. "Of course. What would you like to discuss?" Castiel replied, his voice falling flat despite his attempt at cheeriness.

Balthazar rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Well, I was just thinking that perhaps you and I should sort through what happened with you and Dean. You know, for closure," Balthazar suggested.

Castiel stiffened. "No," he responded curtly before returning to his book.

Balthazar sighed. "Come on, mate. Believe me, talking about Winchester is the last thing I want to do, but I truly think this could help you."

Castiel unlocked the chest in his mind and opened it just wide enough to let out a single emotion. "Help me with what?" he asked venomously, shooting Balthazar with his most deadly glare.

Balthazar sat up straighter, refusing to back down. "With moving on," he answered confidently.

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "I have moved on," he said firmly, once again reopening his book, determined to end the conversation.

Balthazar ripped the book out of Castiel's hands, dropped it on the ground, and kicked it away. "No. You. Haven't," he insisted. "Castiel, mate, this isn't healthy. I don't even recognize you anymore. Whatever Dean did, it broke you. I just want to help put you back together," he said, his tone gentler than before.

_Who said I wanted to fix you? _A voice whispered from the edge of Castiel's mind.

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shake away memories of Dean. "I don't need your help, Balthazar," Castiel responded tightly, his eyes still closed. "Nor do I want it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to head to the nurse. I seem to be developing a headache." Castiel snapped his eyes open, grabbed his backpack, and rushed away, wanting to put the entire conversation with Balthazar behind him.

As Castiel walked along the walls of the crowded cafeteria, he was so distraught that he completely forgot to watch where he was going. He crashed into a wall of muscle, bouncing back as he lost his balance and started to fall.

A hand reached out and steadied him. "Thank you," Castiel said as he righted himself, looking up to see who he had run into.

His heart stopped as his own blue eyes met with _his_ green eyes. Castiel gasped and took a step back, ripping his shoulder out of Dean's grasp.

_This can't be happening._ Castiel had been able to avoid Dean since that day in the park, skipping classes they shared and taking the long way to class to make sure he didn't pass him in the hall. He had been _so careful_, and yet here he was, staring with wide eyes at Dean as he waited for… something.

Dean's hand dropped from the space Castiel had created between them and back to his side, never once dropping Castiel's gaze. Castiel tried to read the emotions swirling in Dean's eyes, but found it was like trying to read ancient hieroglyphics. He had no idea what Dean was thinking, no idea what he would do.

"You're welcome," Dean rasped. Castiel blinked in surprise. _Why isn't he yelling at me?_

Castiel swallowed hard. _I have to explain_. "Dean," he started. "I…" he trailed off as Benny appeared next to Dean, glaring darkly at Castiel.

"What are you doing here, Novak?" he asked, his tone laced with unspoken threats.

"Stop, Benny," Dean said softly.

Benny glanced at Dean in confusion, opening his mouth to argue when Castiel interrupted him. "It's fine," he said quickly. Castiel looked at Benny. "I'm sorry," he relented. "I'll just go."

Castiel turned to leave when something stopped him. He took a deep breath and looked up at Dean once again. "I'm sorry," he said, no longer aiming his apology at Benny. "I'm sorry, Dean."

Dean's brow furrowed in confusion. He opened his mouth to respond when Benny cleared his throat, signaling that Castiel's time was up.

Castiel dropped his gaze and spun on his heels, hurrying away from the green-eyed boy and his Guardian Angel._ See, Dean?_ He thought to himself. _You don't need me. You already have an angel._ He felt Dean's eyes on him as he walked out the cafeteria doors.

Rather than go to the nurse as he had told Balthazar, Castiel walked out the front doors of his school and headed home, unwilling to risk anyone seeing him cry in case he couldn't get his emotions back under control.

As he walked along the side of the road, he used one of his many mind tricks to shut off his feelings. He pictured himself in his mind- gangly limbs, untamed hair, eyes so wide it was scary, gross chapped lips, and a dirty trench coat. He imagined his emotions as different animals running amok in his chest. One by one, he trapped and caged each emotion, locking them away in the chest in his mind. With each captured animal, he found the pressure in his chest loosen, and breathing became a little easier. Finally, there was only one animal left- an ivory dove with a golden crown atop its head. Every time Castiel went to close his fist around the bird's tail feathers and pull it down, the bird would take off at the last second, shooting away from his outstretched hand. Frustrated, he jumped, catching the bird in midair. As he shoved it into the cage, the bird looked at him with sad, green eyes. _I'm sorry_, he thought. _But you're more trouble than you're worth._ Castiel threw the cage into the chest and locked it, shoving it back to the corner of his mind where he couldn't see it.

Castiel blinked himself back to reality, finding he had already walked the entire distance from the school to his home. He walked up the steps to his front door and pulled out his key, moving to unlock the door. But just as he was about to slip his key in the keyhole, Gabriel wrenched the door open, harassing his little brother before he had even crossed into the threshold.

"Did they finally kick you out of school, Cassie? It was bound to happen eventually," he said with a snarky grin.

Instead of reacting, Castiel just sighed. "Can you please move aside so I can enter my house, Gabriel? I don't have time for your silly games," He said as he stifled an eye roll.

Gabriel frowned and planted his feet, trying to get a rise out of Castiel.

_Not today, dear brother._

Castiel calmly pushed past his much shorter brother and headed for his room. Gabriel rushed after him, ever persistent.

"Where's the fire, Cassie?" Gabriel joked with malice. "What's got you in such a hurry?"

Castiel stayed silent, squashing the annoyance starting to bloom in his chest. _Fighting is futile, _he reminded himself.

As Castiel reached for the doorknob to the basement, Gabriel jumped in front of him, his eyes narrowed in determination.

"Come on, Castiel. Am I invisible or something? Because it really feels that way." Castiel stared at Gabriel with a flat expression on his face.

Gabriel sighed, seeming to give up, when his eyes lit up with an idea. He smirked. "What's a matter, Cassie? _Dean_ got your tongue?"

Castiel felt his heart flutter and his stomach drop at the green-eyed boy's name but forced himself to maintain his composure. "Excuse me," he said coolly as he sidestepped Gabriel and headed downstairs to be alone with his guilt.

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><p>Gabriel stood in shock as Castiel closed the door to his room, once again shutting out his older brother.<p>

_Why didn't that work?_ _That should have worked!_

For the past two weeks, Gabriel had been trying to get Castiel to have another emotional breakthrough, but the only thing that ever got any reaction out of him was the mention of Dean Winchester.

And yet for some reason, Gabriel's fail-safe had failed.

_He's getting worse, _Gabriel realized, his heart sinking.

Gabriel needed to do something, and fast.

It was time to pay Dean Winchester a visit.

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><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on my writing. Review or PM me please!**


	17. Chapter 17: Math Homework

**Author's Note:**** Hey guys, can we just pretend that it's November and it hasn't been over 7 months since I last updated? Sorry so much about that- I got too busy with school and didn't have any free time to devote to this story. But now that summer is here, I will try to update regularly again. I actually want to try and finish this story up before summer is over. Anyways, I'm not sure if you remember anything that's happened since it's been so long, but here's the next installment. Happy reading!**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 17: Math Homework<strong>

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><p>Sam was worried about Dean. It had been two months since Dean and Castiel's "falling out," and Sam still wasn't sure exactly what had happened. All he knew was that his older brother had become a zombie, going through the motions of everyday life with a huge chip on his shoulder that he refused to share with anyone. Benny and Charlie were at the Winchester house so often that Sam was surprised they didn't just bring a suitcase and sleep over. Jo and Ash stopped by too, but they never stayed long. No one liked being around Dean when he was like this- it was almost painful to see how beaten down he really was. Sam had tried talking to him, but Dean wasn't even up for their usual bickering. For God's sake, Sam had brought Jess <em>to his house<em> and hadn't heard a single sarcastic remark about it. Dean was broken, and Sam just didn't know how to fix him.

Sam told Jess exactly that as they sat on his couch "studying." Dean was locked in his room, as usual, and Sam's parents were at work- as usual.

Jess looked as gorgeous as ever, although Sam would never admit it out loud. After all, they _were_ just friends, despite what everyone seemed to think.

"I just wish there was something I could do for him," Sam sighed as he solved for x.

Jess glanced over at him, her hair falling slightly in her face. Sam resisted the urge to reach out and tuck it behind her ear, his fingers itching to do just that.

"I don't know what happened between him and Castiel, but I have a feeling that this is just one of those things that he's got to work through on his own," Jess advised, as smart and amazing as ever.

Sam glanced back down at his math textbook before closing it with a sigh. He couldn't focus on studying, not with all that was going on. "I think you're probably right," he agreed. "It's just so difficult to see him in pain and not be able to do anything."

Jess closed her textbook as well, placing it beside Sam's on the coffee table. "I know it is. That's the hard part. You just have to make sure he knows that there are people who love him and are there for him if he needs them. That's all you can really do for anyone," she comforted.

Sam smiled at her. "What would I do without you and all your life lessons?" he asked teasingly.

"Crash and burn- I bet you'd be dead in a ditch somewhere," she countered playfully, flipping her blond hair over her shoulder. "Speaking of being there for Dean, what's the deal with Benny? I know they're, like, really close friends, but do you think they're…" she trailed off.

"What? Dating?" Sam asked. Jess nodded. Sam thought about it for a second, but quickly dismissed the thought. "Nah. Benny and Dean have been friends for a long time. When Dean first came out, well… it didn't go over very well with some people." _Including me_, Sam thought guiltily, remembering the way he had avoided Dean for weeks because he was too "weirded out" to be around him. _I really was a bitch then- probably why it's Dean's nickname for me._ "Anyway, one day some of Dean's former friends thought it would be funny to gang up on him when he was alone- three or four of them against one of him. They started beating him up pretty bad, calling him a 'fag' the whole time. They probably would have killed him, if it weren't for Benny," Sam revealed.

Jess looked shocked. "People hurt Dean just because he's bisexual? That's terrible! What did Benny do?" she asked in concern.

Sam shrugged. "I'm not really sure. Dean wouldn't talk about it after it happened- he's too prideful. I got most of the details from Charlie, but even she wouldn't tell me everything. All I know is that Benny somehow fought off the guys by himself and saved Dean. They've been best friends ever since," Sam finished.

"Wow," Jess said in amazement. "I still can't believe people could be so cruel. But at least Benny was there- I always wondered what it was going on with those two. They're so close, like nothing could separate them, you know?" she said as she subtly scooched closer to Sam on the couch.

Sam nodded. "Ya. I'm just thankful Dean has someone looking out for him," he admitted. "I'll always be there for my brother, but it's not really like I can protect him from three 'roid ragers."

Jess laughed. "You're not _that _scrawny. I bet you could take on at least one 'roid rager'," she teased.

Before Sam could respond, he heard someone knock at the door. He glanced over, confused. Who would come over that wouldn't just walk in? He got up from the couch and went to let whoever was at the door inside.

He opened the door to a familiar-looking man almost as short as him with brown hair that matched his eyes. The man had a lollipop in his mouth, and paired with his shortness, he sort of seemed like some goofy man-child.

The man-child popped the sucker out of his mouth. "Hey cutie pie. Your brother home?" he said cockily, as if trying to make up for his height with arrogance.

Sam stared in bafflement at the little man in front of him. "Um, sorry. You are...?" he asked, ignoring the "cutie pie" part.

"Name's Gabriel," he replied. "I'm Cassie's older brother- but not that much older," he said with a wink and mischievous glint in his eyes.

Sam furrowed his brow as he remembered the day Castiel's brother came to town. Sam had hurried inside, so he hadn't really gotten a good look at the stranger. Seeing him now, though, Sam couldn't imagine why Castiel had seemed so afraid. Sure, Gabriel seemed pretty annoying, but he appeared harmless for the most part- besides all the weird flirting.

"Gabriel. Nice to meet you. I'm Sam," he introduced himself, trying to act aloof so Gabriel would lose interest in teasing him. Sam had dealt with guys like him before- the trick was to not let them get a rise out of you.

Gabriel shook his hand. "Oh, please. Guys as good looking as you get the privilege of calling me Gabe," he smirked. Apparently, 'Gabe' was not deterred by Sam's standoffishness.

Sam shook his head, frustrated with the flirting. "You said you were looking for Dean?" he asked, eager to change the subject.

Gabe popped the sucker back into his mouth. "Ya, old Dean-o and I have some business that needs his immediate attention," he responded, his words slightly garbled from speaking around the lollipop in his mouth. "So, can I just go on up, or do you want to spend some more time getting to know each other?" Gabe raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Sam shook his head. "Go ahead," he said, desperate to get rid of Gabriel. _Sorry, Dean._

Gabe beamed at him, pulled the sucker back out of his mouth, and kissed Sam on the cheek. "Thanks, cutie pie," he called as he raced past Sam, leaving the stunned freshman boy behind.

Sam stood in shock for a few more seconds before a familiarly sweet voice broke him from his trance.

"Looks like you've got an admirer," Jess teased. Sam glanced over at her on the couch- he had forgotten she was there.

"I guess so," Sam grumbled, wiping his cheek off in an attempt to wipe away everything that had just happened. "He's not really my type though."

"Oh?" Jess replied as she stood up from the couch and joined Sam by the door. "And what is your type?" She batted her eyelashes.

Sam looked down at her. He swallowed hard as he looked into her eyes- God, she was beautiful. _You_, he thought. _You're my type_. "Eh, you know," he tried to say casually, although it came out strained. "I've always had a thing for blondes."

Jess grinned up at him, and without warning, she put her hand behind his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

Sam felt his entire world implode as Jess- Jess, his best friend, the most beautiful girl on the planet, sweet, funny, smart Jess- pressed her lips against his. His arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her close.

When she pulled away, Jess laughed at Sam's dumbfounded expression.

"Come on," she said as she pulled away. "We have some math homework to finish."

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><p><strong><span>Author's Note:<span> After writing this chapter, I remembered that in the last chapter I wrote I promised Castiel's backstory. Clearly that didn't happen, but I promise that next chapter it will! So what do you think? Was it worth the wait? Probably not, but I'd love to hear your thoughts. PM me or leave a comment :) Also, stay tuned- next chapter is when Castiel's tragic backstory is finally revealed!**


	18. Chapter 18: Everything A Novak Should Be

**Author's Note:**** So this one took a little while to get out, but here it is! Castiel's deep dark past. Happy reading!**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 18: Everything A Novak Should Be<strong>

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><p>Dean awoke to a short man barging through his bedroom door. He jumped up, the blankets sliding off his bare torso. "Son of a bitch!" he exclaimed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He squinted at the figure in the doorway. "Gabriel?" he asked incredulously as he realized Castiel's older brother was in his room. He felt his stomach drop.<p>

Gabriel smirked at Dean. "Nice six pack," he teased, glancing at Dean's exposed torso. "I can definitely see why Cassie is so into you."

Dean felt his heart stop, not just from the mention of Castiel, but also about Cas being into him-_ present tense_. Dean tried to seem aloof as he grabbed a shirt from the pile of laundry on his floor and pulled it over his head. "What are you doing here?" he asked Gabriel, his voice hostile.

Gabriel flopped onto Dean's bed, completely impervious to the daggers Dean was shooting him with his eyes. "I came to talk," he said, biting down on the sucker in his mouth. He pulled the sucker stick out of his mouth and tossed it in the trash across the room. Dean glared at him.

"Talk about what?" he said roughly.

Gabriel looked at him as if he was stupid. "Castiel, dummie," he said with an eye roll.

Dean stiffened. "No thanks," he replied wryly.

Gabe sighed. "Can't we all just get along?" he said in mock exasperation.

Rather than answer, Dean walked over to the door and held it open. "Get out," he said flatly.

Gabe narrowed his eyes. Dean saw frustration start to creep into his demeanor. "Knock it off," Gabe said as he pushed himself off the bed. "I get it, you're Mr. Tough Guy. Congrats on being tall and intimidating, meathead, but maybe you should give having a brain a shot. I know things ended bad between you and Castiel. I also know that now that your 'friendship' has gone sour, Cassie is regressing."

For once, Gabriel was being completely serious, which threw Dean off. He'd never seen Gabriel act any way besides obnoxious. Dean squinted at Gabe, trying to see if this was some sort of trick. "Regressing?" he asked.

"Regressing," Gabriel confirmed. "And in order to know what I'm talking about, you're going to need to know the whole story…"

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><p><em>Gabriel walked into the living room of his family's New York penthouse, where a 12 year old Cassie was playing with their five-year-old sister, Claire. They were making a pillow fort using the couch cushions. Gabe smiled to himself- Castiel was better with Claire than anyone else, which was why he felt he didn't need to stay home and watch over them.<em>

_Gabriel went to the front door and put his coat on. Castiel glanced up from the fort._

"_Where are you going?" he asked suspiciously._

"_Out," Gabriel said nonchalantly, keeping his plans to himself. __**No need to worry Cassie.**_

"_Mom and Dad said you have to stay home and babysit while they're at Anna's cello concert," Castiel said, ever the goody two-shoes._

_Gabe rolled his eyes. "Come on, Cassie, do you really need a babysitter? You're 12 years old, for God's sake!" Gabriel headed for the front door._

_Castiel stood up. "You're going to get more drugs, aren't you?" he accused. Gabe froze, but tried to keep his face neutral._

"_I don't know what you're talking about," he said coolly._

_Castiel looked pleadingly at his brother. "Don't go, Gabriel," he begged. "Stay here, with me and Claire. You can help us build our fort," he offered._

_Gabe shook his head. "I made plans, Castiel. I have to go. Raincheck?" he asked as he slipped out the door, not giving his brother a chance to respond._

_And not taking one last look at his little sister before he went._

* * *

><p><em>Castiel glared at the door his older brother had left through, as if making the door feel bad would somehow bring Gabriel back to the house. He huffed in frustration.<em>

_He felt a little hand grab his and glanced down. "Cas is mad at Gabby?" Claire asked, her eyes wide with innocence._

_Castiel sighed, then picked up his little sister. "No, sweetheart," he reassured softly. "I'm just worried about him."_

_Claire looked thoughtful, her little face scrunched up. "Gabby is not playing wiff us?" she said as she glanced back at the pillow fort._

"_No, baby, he's not," Cas answered. He plastered on a smile and pushed his worries away. "Come on," he said. "Let's finish our fort."_

_Castiel played with Claire for another hour in their fort, and Gabriel still didn't come home. Castiel made dinner for him and Claire, and Gabriel still didn't come home. Castiel got Claire ready for bed, but Gabriel still didn't come home._

_As he was brushing her teeth, Claire pushed Castiel away, her mouth filled with toothpaste. "We go see stars?" she asked Cas, toothpaste dribbling down her chin._

"_Spit," Castiel instructed her. As she rinsed the toothpaste out of her mouth, Castiel responded. "Yeah, we can go out on the balcony for a few minutes."_

_Claire loved to go out on the balcony and look at the stars. The only problem was that she liked to climb up on the wall that separated her and a very long fall so she could be closer to the sky, which meant someone always had to keep an eye on her when she went out. Castiel took Claire through the kitchen and out onto the balcony, holding her back from the wall. "Don't get to close, please," he said._

_As they were looking at the stars, Castiel heard a bang come from the front door. __**Gabriel.**__ Suddenly, there was a loud crash._

_Castiel's head whipped toward the sliding glass door. "Come on, Claire," he said, dragging her inside._

_Cas headed for the living room, which was connected to the foyer. He found Gabriel sprawled out on the couch, a vase from the side table shattered on the ground next to him._

"_Gabby!" Claire yelled angrily at her passed-out brother. "You ruin fort!" Cas saw that Gabriel had knocked over the pillow fort so that he could lay on the couch._

_Claire crossed her arms and stuck out her bottom lip, clearly upset. Cas leaned down so he was eye level with her, and put a comforting hand on her back. "Claire," he said gently, "can you please go play by yourself for a few minutes so I can talk to Gabriel?" Claire nodded, her pouty lip receding as she bounded off towards the kitchen._

_Castiel felt his gentleness melt away as he faced Gabriel. He stalked over to the couch and violently shook his reckless older brother. "Get up," he said hostilely._

_Gabriel moaned, squinting at Castiel. "Cassie?" he said in confusion._

_Castiel grabbed his brother's arm and pulled him off the couch. Gabriel landed on the floor with a loud thump. "Owwww," Gabe whined._

_Castiel squatted down and hissed in his brother's face, "Get. UP."_

_Gabriel blinked, then pushed himself up. "What's wrong, Cassie?" he slurred out._

_Castiel narrowed his eyes. "What's wrong? You're wrong, Gabriel! What in God's name are you doing, coming home like this? You're being a terrible role model for Claire!"_

_Gabe rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, Cassie." His words fell out of his mouth at a sluggish pace._

"_No. You're not," Castiel insisted. "I'm worried about you. I know things are bad with Dad right now, but you can't keep going out and getting high every night."_

_Gabriel looked up, meeting Castiel's gaze. "Why the hell not?" he asked dejectedly. "It's not like anything I do will make our dad like me, Castiel. I'm not like you," he spit out._

_Castiel furrowed his brow. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked suspiciously._

"_Oh, come on!" Gabriel exclaimed, a smirk playing at his lips. "We all know you're 'Daddy's Favorite'," he sneered. "Look at you, Cassie! You're fucking perfect. 'Everything a Novack __**should**__ be.'" Gabriel's voice was near hysterical as he quoted their father's words._

_Castiel shook his head. "That's not true, Gabriel. Our father-"_

_Castiel was cut off when he heard a scream come from the balcony. "Cas!"_

_The brothers turned abruptly towards the scream. __**Claire.**_

_Castiel had been so angry with Gabriel that he had forgotten to close the sliding glass door._

_The door that lead to the balcony._

_The balcony that Claire had gone out on._

_Alone._

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><p>"Castiel and I rushed to the balcony, but we were too late," Gabriel said softly, his eyes filled with regret. "Claire fell 30 stories to the ground. She died on impact." Gabriel lowered his head, overcome with grief.<p>

Dean looked down too, remembering the sadness in Cas's voice when he talked about his sister that night Dean had slept over. "So, what happened?" he asked hesitantly, glancing up towards Gabriel.

Gabe sighed. "We called 911, told them what had happened. I got taken in, had to spend the night in jail since I couldn't pass the breathalyzer test. Castiel had to wait alone at the station until our parents picked him up. He had to face our father alone." Gabe paused, and met Dean's eyes. "Something you need to know about our father…" Gabriel hesitated, as if years of secrecy had made it second nature to hide what he was about to reveal. He took a deep breath and started again. "Jimmy Novak has… mood swings, I guess you could call them. But his are so extreme that they basically change his personality. Sometimes he's arrogant, and he tells us all that we're better than everyone else, smarter and all that. Other times he's more cruel than arrogant. Cassie came up with nicknames for our father's different moods. He called them Michael and Nick- I preferred to think of the meaner mood, the one Castiel called Nick, as Lucifer. On the night that Claire died… Lucifer was the one Castiel had to deal with. When they got home, our mother took Anna upstairs while our dad 'dealt' with Castiel." Gabriel got a faraway look in his eyes. "When I got home the next day…I didn't even recognize Cassie- he was beaten so bad. Anna never saw- our parents made sure that she was always out of the house or that Castiel stayed in his room. I think Castiel tried to tell her, but Anna… she was brainwashed by our dad. She never saw the dark side of him, so she believed every word he said. He was her role model- still is." Gabriel wandered over to the window and gazed outside. "You need to understand, it wasn't always like this. Our father, he used to seem just like anyone else. But as he got older, the mood swings got worse and worse. I don't know what exactly is wrong with him, but he's definitely got something. Our mother didn't want to leave him- she was convinced things would get better. Eventually, Anna and I both left for college, leaving Cassie all alone to face our dad's wrath. My biggest regret," Gabriel said as he turned to face Dean, "was not staying to protect him."

Dean ran a hand through his hair, trying to process everything he had just been told. "Wait," he said. "From what you've told me, it was just as much your fault as it was Cas's. Why didn't you get in trouble?"

Gabriel looked down, his cheeks turning red with shame. "I was a screw up. Our father didn't expect anything from me. Cassie, on the other hand, was everything Jimmy wanted us to be. So when the perfect child made a mistake… he was the one who took the blame."

Dean looked down, his heart heavy with worry for poor Cas. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked.

Rather than answering, Gabe picked up something from Dean's nightstand. "Why do you have this?" he asked.

Dean glanced up and saw what Gabriel was holding. It was an origami rose. "Cas gave it to me," he answered softly as he took the paper flower back from Gabriel.

Gabriel nodded. "That's why I'm telling you. Castiel believed everything our father told him. He truly believes that Claire's death is his fault and he doesn't deserve to live. So he doesn't- his life before you wasn't a life at all. He didn't have friends, didn't have relationships- hell, he didn't have emotions. I don't know why he split New York- I assume living with a father who hated him could have been the cause. But he did split, and he moved here, and then he met you. I've seen the way he acts when you two are together. He's happy, or at least he was. But now, without you… he's not living anymore. He's just existing."

Dean furrowed his brow. "Soooo… what? What does that mean for me?"

"It means," Gabe replied, "that he needs you back."

"Needs me back?" Dean repeated in surprise. "He hates me! You should have heard the things he said to me. No, Cas doesn't want to be my friend. Not anymore."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Haven't you been listening? He hates himself. He doesn't think he deserves happiness, and you made him happy, Dean. He got rid of you because he thought he didn't deserve _you_."

Dean blinked, his mind moving a thousand miles a minute. _Castiel doesn't deserve me? That's crazy. It's the other way around. _"I thought you hated Castiel. How do I know this isn't some sort of trick?" Dean asked as he tried to contain the hope that was billowing in his heart.

"I don't hate him, at least, not anymore," Gabe answered. "I used to blame him for everything because it was easier than accepting my role in Claire's death, which meant that every time I saw him I was a jerk to him. But eventually, I realized that I was more at fault than he ever was. The only reason I kept being a jerk to him was to try and get some sort of response. I just wanted to make him remember what it was like to feel anger and be human."

Dean looked out the window at Cas's house, the rose in his hand. "So what do you want me to do?" he asked.

"Do what you do best, Dean," Gabriel said as he headed for the door. "Make my little brother happy."

And with that, he was gone.

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><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** What did you think? I would love to know. PM me or write reviews! Also, I'm going on vacation tomorrow, so it will be a little while until I get out the next chapter :/ sorry.**


	19. Chapter 19: Relief

**Author's Note:**** This chapter shouldn't make anyone cry unless it's from happiness :) Happy Reading!**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 19: Relief<strong>

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><p>Dean took a deep breath as he looked himself over in the mirror. He was wearing jeans and a Metallica t-shirt, the same outfit he had worn when he first met Cas. Normally, Dean didn't care one way or another what he was wearing, but he was so nervous for things to go well that he couldn't stop obsessing over his appearance. He took a deep breath and tried to banish the butterflies in his stomach, figuring that his outfit wouldn't be the biggest factor in Cas's decision. With a sigh, he threw on his leather jacket, grabbed the bouquet, and walked out the door.<p>

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><p>Castiel was locked in his room, as usual. Thankfully, no one in his family tried to get in anymore. Maybe they had all realized what Castiel had known all along: he deserved to be alone. He deserved to feel the ache of loneliness after all he had done. Castiel was resigned to do his penance. Nothing could change that. Except, that is, a certain green-eyed boy that made Castiel feel as light as air itself. But that boy was gone, and there was no doubt in Castiel's mind that things would stay that way.<p>

_Tap tap tap._ Castiel looked up in surprise when he heard the knocking at his window. He felt his heart fill with hope, but he quickly squashed it. _It's probably just some animal. Who would be visiting me on a Saturday night? _Castiel returned to his book, banishing all thoughts of any particular person sneaking in his bedroom window.

_**Tap tap tap.**_ The knocking started up again, louder this time. Castiel did his best to ignore it, but as the knocking persisted, he found himself getting up from his bed and walking over to the window. He pulled back the blinds and felt his chest constrict at the sight of two familiar emerald eyes.

Dean Winchester smiled at him and made a gesture for Castiel to open the window. Castiel paused, trying to force himself to close the blinds and go back to bed, but he just couldn't resist that winning smile. He sighed as he unlocked the window and slid it open.

Castiel didn't think Dean's grin could get any wider than it did when Castiel leaned out into the night. "Hello, Dean," Castiel said softly, cautious as ever.

Dean's eyes were filled with warmth. "Hey, Cas," he replied. "Mind if I come in?"

Reason took over Castiel's response. "I'm not sure that's a good idea," he said hesitantly.

Dean's smile dimmed, but only for a second. "Castiel," he said in mock seriousness. "Either you let me in, or I'll pull you out." His voice was laced with humor, but Castiel had no doubt that Dean would make good on his playful threat.

Castiel fought back a smile as he stepped aside, allowing Dean to enter his room for the second time. Dean slipped in, his eyebrows raising when he saw the messy black ceiling. "Love what you've done with the place," he joked, although Castiel saw the underlying worry in his eyes.

Castiel shrugged. "I needed a change," he said aloofly. He felt his happiness from Dean's presence melting as logic once again took over. "What are you doing here, Dean?" he asked.

Dean looked down at his shoes. "I…" his bravado seemed to falter for a moment. He took a deep breath and started again. "I came to give you these," he said, pulling a bouquet from behind his back. He had been hiding it there the whole time he had been talking to Castiel.

Castiel stared at the flowers. Something was… off about them. With a start, he realized that each and every flower was made out of paper. In the center of the bouquet there were three origami roses.

He looked at Dean in awe. "You made this?" he asked, admiring the craftsmanship. There were flowers in the bouquet that even Castiel didn't know how to make. It was a beautiful arrangement of color and shape, each flower unique. The roses in the center were the only flowers that seemed to be replicas of each other.

Dean nodded, suddenly seeming very self-conscious. "Do you like it?" he asked nervously.

Castiel reached out and took the flowers from Dean, their hands brushing against each other during the exchange. He felt electricity run through his body at Dean's touch, but he pulled away nonetheless. He looked more closely at the bouquet, appreciating each fold made by Dean. He looked up, meeting Dean's eyes. "Why?" he asked, rather than answering Dean's question. "Why are you doing this? After all I've put you through, why do you still come back? Why don't you just leave and find someone else? I'm sure there are far more worthy candidates of your affection out there who would be more accommodating than me. I just don't understand," he said, his voice shaking ever so slightly, "why you picked me."

Dean stared at Castiel blankly, causing Castiel to shift uncomfortably under the green eyed boy's scrutiny. Then, without warning, Dean closed the distance between him and Castiel, pulling the younger boy in and kissing him.

Castiel closed his eyes and melted against Dean, relishing how good he felt. Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and pulled him even closer. Unlike the rough, passionate kiss in the forest, this kiss was soft and loving. While the other kiss had felt frantic, this one felt peaceful. It was unrushed, like they had all the time in the world to just enjoy the taste of each other's lips. As Castiel placed one hand on the back of Dean's neck and the other on his cheek, he was struck by how safe he felt. He reluctantly pulled back from the kiss, although he stayed in Dean's arms. "I don't deserve to feel this good, Dean," he whispered brokenly as the guilt creeped in. "You don't know what I've done."

Dean looked him in the eye. "Then tell me, Cas," he said softly. "Tell me what happened to you, and we'll see if it scares me off. Don't decide for me if it's too much for me to handle. Because chances are, it isn't."

Castiel gazed into Dean's eyes, trying to gauge his level of sincerity. "You don't know that," he replied.

Dean shrugged. "Try me." He pulled Castiel over to the bed and they sat down.

And so, with a deep breath, Castiel told Dean the story of Claire's death. He told him how he should have watched Claire more closely, how he should have made sure the balcony door was locked, and how he should have been there to save her. "The last thing she screamed," He said dejectedly, "was her nickname for me. 'Cas' was her last word."

Dean looked at Castiel with a softness in his eyes. "Which is why you didn't like me calling you 'Cas.' It reminded you of that night."

Castiel nodded. "Over time, it started to be a nice reminder of my sister, but it still hurt to hear her name for me be used by someone else. Though I suppose if I wanted anyone to call me that besides Claire, it would be you."

Dean grabbed Castiel's hand. "Look at me," he commanded, albeit not in a mean way. Castiel met Dean's eyes. "I need you to hear this, Castiel. Really hear it, I mean." Dean squeezed Castiel's hand tighter. "Claire's death was an accident. It wasn't your fault. She died, and it sucks, but you can't keep beating yourself up about it. You aren't defined by your mistakes, Cas. You deserve a second chance."

Before Castiel knew what was happening, he felt his eyes well up with tears as Dean's words rolled over him, cleansing him of his self-hatred. No, it didn't fix everything- but it was a start. And boy, did it feel good to start healing.

Dean pulled Castiel in and held him close as the blue eyed boy's body wracked with sobs. Castiel's hands clenched into fists, grabbing Dean's shirt and pulling him closer. He felt so heartbroken because of Claire's death, but for once, he just allowed himself to feel that way instead of burying it with penance and guilt. And the whole time, Dean held tight, not making Castiel face the sadness on his own.

It was such a relief to finally feel loved.

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><p>Finally, after Castiel seemed to have no tears left, his breathing started to slow down, his sobs happening less and less frequently. Dean rocked him as he calmed down, rubbing his back and humming softly. He didn't know how much the humming helped though, since all he could think of was songs by ACDC.

It killed him to see his angel in so much pain, but he knew it was what Castiel had needed all along. He needed to stop running and finally face the truth- his sister was dead, and no amount of self-sacrifice would change that. Now that he had, Dean hoped Castiel would see that he deserved happiness too.

Dean really hoped that he made Cas happy.

Castiel pulled away from Dean, his eyes puffy and red. "You're still here," he sniffled, sounding both grateful and a little surprised.

The corners of Dean's mouth lifted ever so slightly. "I'll always be here, Cas," he said gently.

Castiel nodded slowly. "I'm starting to see that," he mumbled to himself as he ran a hand through his hair. "I must look like a disaster," he said to Dean.

Dean looked Castiel up and down, his grin widening. Castiel's hair was as messy as ever, and his eyes, albeit puffy and bloodshot, were still that mesmerizing blue… as far as Dean was concerned, Castiel looked perfect. "You look fine," he said, and he kissed Castiel on the forehead.

"Would you…" Cas trailed off, hesitant.

"Would I what?" Dean asked patiently.

"Would you maybe stay the night?" Castiel asked shyly, his cheeks reddening.

Dean smiled so wide his cheeks hurt. "I thought you'd never ask," he answered, standing up and stretching. "Just let me stop by my house so I can change and get ready for bed."

Castiel nodded, and with that Dean left. He sprinted across the dark lawn and to his window, sneaking back into his house. He changed into Cas's sweatpants and a clean t-shirt, then headed to the bathroom. As soon as he opened his bedroom door, he knew he had a problem.

John Winchester was standing right in front of him, arms crossed menacingly. "So," he said in a gruff voice. "What's his name?"

Dean played dumb. "Whose name?"

John narrowed his eyes. "The name of the boy that you've been so depressed over the past few months? The name of the boy you used to sneak off to see all the time? The one you drive to school? Ring any bells?"

Dean grinned sheepishly. "Oh. That boy."

"Yeah," John said, a touch of humor in his voice. "That boy."

Dean sighed, knowing when he was beaten. "Castiel," he said, staring at his shoes. "His name is Castiel."

John scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. "You're in love with a boy named Castle? Who the hell names their kid Castle?"

Dean burst out into laughter, shaking his head in disbelief. "That's exactly what I said!" he exclaimed. "But it's not Castle; it's Cas_tiel_."

John raised his eyebrows. "And this _Castiel_, he's the one you just snuck off to see?"

Dean remained silent.

"I see," John nodded as though Dean had answered his question. "And I assume you're planning on going back?"

Dean shrugged.

John sighed, uncrossing his arms and scratching his chin. "Listen, son. I don't know a whole lot about… that is… I don't know a lot about these 'bisexual relationships' that you have, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. I just need to know that you're staying safe." John wouldn't meet Dean's eyes.

"Are you… are you giving me _the talk_?" Dean asked in disbelief. John shifted uncomfortably. Dean felt blush rising in his own cheeks. "Yeah, dad. I'm always safe. No worries."

John nodded, seeming slightly relieved. "Alright, well… good. And just- make sure you're with someone you really care about, don't ever use someone else to… fulfill your own needs. And don't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. You got it?"

"I got it," Dean replied, holding back a smile.

John nodded. "Good. Alright then. Goodnight, Dean."

"Goodnight, Dad," Dean replied as John turned away and retreated to his room.

Once his dad had closed the door to his room, Dean hurried to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. That done, he raced to his room and out the window, headed back to Cas.

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><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** Hooray for fluff! Dean and Castiel are together, Dean's dad is talking to him again, it all seems to be working out! Too bad it won't last... ;) PM me or write reviews! I honestly love getting messages from you guys. Shoutout to Hcar0420 for sending me a super nice message that motivated me to get this chapter out quickly :)**


	20. Chapter 20: Glad to Have You Back

**Author's Note: Sorry it's been so long again, I promise I'm going to try and get better. Happy reading!**

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 20: Glad To Have You Back<span>**

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><p>Dean awoke to Castiel in his arms, and he'd be damned if that wasn't the best way to start each and every day. He breathed in the familiar scent of his angel and pulled the sleeping boy closer, causing Castiel to stir. Castiel blinked himself awake, wiping the sleep from his eyes.<p>

"Sorry," Dean said, his voice low and sleepy. "I didn't mean to wake you." Dean propped himself up on his elbow, laying on his side.

Castiel snuggled into Dean's chest. "It's fine. There are worse ways to be woken up," he joked, a twinkle in his eye. "Did you sleep well?"

Dean grinned. "Yeah, you?"

Castiel nodded, his eyes drifting to Dean's mouth. Dean leaned in, looking to Cas for permission to close the gap between them. In response, the blue eyed boy put a hand behind Dean's neck and pulled him forward, connecting their lips.

When he pulled away, Dean couldn't stop smiling. "I think you're right," he joked to Cas. "There are definitely worse ways to wake up."

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><p>After a few more minutes of cuddling and then a few more minutes of kissing, Dean reluctantly left, leaving Castiel to shower and get ready to face the day.<p>

**_What in God's name are you doing!? You're a disgrace to the family name. You should be ashamed of yourself, moving on with your life while Claire will never make it past five._**

For once, Castiel shook off his father's voice in his head, instead replacing it with the memory of Dean's words last night.

_It was an accident. It wasn't my fault. Just because Claire died doesn't mean I have to, too._

Castiel took a deep breath, composing himself before going upstairs, all the while repeating his new mantra in his head.

Cas made it to the kitchen without any unwanted attention, but a few minutes after he had sat down with his bowl of cereal Gabriel stumbled in, clearly suffering from a hangover.

Castiel raised his eyebrows at the state of his brother but kept his mouth shut. Gabriel glared at him. "Shut up," he growled, wincing from the daylight streaming in through the window.

Castiel pursed his lips. "I didn't say anything," he said in mock innocence.

"You didn't have to," Gabe grumbled to himself as he put on a pot of coffee.

Castiel tried to keep his thoughts to himself, he really did. But after a minute of tense silence, he just couldn't help it. "I don't understand why you continue to make such awful choices when you know it will just end in disaster, Gabriel."

His older brother glared at him, malice in his eyes. "It's none of your business, Castiel," he said coolly.

Castiel shrugged. "I'm just saying, one would think that you would learn from your mistakes and start taking better care of yourself-"

"Well 'one' would be wrong," Gabriel snapped, cutting Castiel off. "Honestly, Cassie, you're one to talk. Look at yourself! Always running away from your problems and then trying to fix others'. You ran away from that Winchester kid, and before that you ran from dad and took mom with you-"

"I couldn't leave her there with him!" Castiel exclaimed in offense.

"You basically kidnapped her, Castiel!" Gabe shouted. "I know you were scared, and I know Anna and I weren't much help, but you took our mother away from us without warning. We didn't know where you guys were, if you were safe- we didn't know anything! You did what you always do, Cassie. You avoid your own problems by trying to fix everyone else's, you bury yourself in 'penance' for Claire, you keep yourself from living because you're too afraid to make a mistake. When are you going to grow up?"

Castiel raised his eyebrows, his mouth agape in shock from Gabe's accusations. He felt hot anger build up inside him. "_Grow up_? _You _are telling _me_ to grow up? You eat more candy per day than a ten-year-old on Halloween!"

"Pffft," Gabe waved away Castiel's insult as if it were a fly. "Candy is good for the soul."

"I'm not sure your teeth would agree," Castiel glowered, his anger quickly fading into annoyance at Gabriel's flippant manner.

Gabe smirked and turned back to his coffee. "You might be right," he relented, "but at least when my teeth all fall out I'll still be able to eat suckers."

Castiel shook his head at the ridiculous notion, fighting back a smile. A few more minutes of silence went by, and as the earlier tension dissipated, he found it necessary to explain himself to his older brother.

"I didn't mean to take her away from you," he said softly, not looking up from his bowl of cereal. He saw Gabriel turn towards him out of the corner of his eye. "I just… I didn't want to be alone, you know? The only reason I didn't let her use a phone was because I was worried she would call Jimmy… I would have called you myself, but…"

"But we abandoned you," Gabriel finished for him. "And you hadn't forgiven us."

"I didn't want you here," Castiel whispered, ashamed. "I thought you would ruin everything."

"Well," Gabe said with a shrug. "I suppose you were right. We do seem to have made a mess of your new life."

Castiel hesitated. "Yeah," he said, meeting Gabriel's eyes, "but I don't think that's such a bad thing anymore."

Gabe smiled, a real smile, gentle and kind rather than his usual sneer. "Hey, can I ask you something?" he asked, leaning against the counter, completely at ease.

"You can, but there's at least a 50% chance I won't answer it," Castiel replied with a shrug.

Gabe rolled his eyes before continuing. "How have you been living? You have this great house and a kitchen stocked with groceries, but I've never seen you work a day in your life."

"I've acquired my wealth a few different ways, not all of them completely legal," he confessed.

Gabe's eyes widened. "Cassie! You never told me you were a criminal!" he exclaimed over dramatically.

"Shhhh!" Castiel scolded, looking over his shoulder. "Keep your voice down, I haven't done anything _that _bad."

Gabe grinned, practically bouncing over to sit next to Castiel. "Tell me everything!" he said more quietly.

Cas sighed, shaking his head as he held back a laugh. "Ok, ok. Well, back in New York, I set up my own secret bank account and I started pawning off stuff from the penthouse and putting the money in the account," he started.

"Oh, I've done that loads of times," Gabe said, clearly unimpressed.

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "Do you want me to tell you the rest or not?" he asked, annoyed. Gabe held up his hands in surrender. "Anyways," Castiel continued. "I spent some of that money on a fake ID…" he trailed off at Gabe's wide eyed look. "No, I didn't use it to go to clubs, you idiot," he said, easily picking up on what Gabe had been wondering.

Gabe frowned. "No need for cruel names," he grumbled.

"I used my ID to get into a casino," Castiel continued as if he had never been interrupted. "I did a bit of gambling, earned a few more thousand dollars or so. Then I invested that money in the stock market, and that's been going pretty well."

Gabriel looked at Castiel in awe. "You won _thousands of dollars_ at a casino?" he said in total bafflement. "No one ever wins at the casino. Especially not my little brother."

"It was a one-time thing," Castiel said as he squirmed from his brother's amazement. "Besides, gambling is way easier than playing the stocks. In gambling, you're not playing against the cards, you're playing against the people. People have tells- companies don't."

Gabriel shook his head. "Jeez, Cassie. Who knew you were so badass?"

Castiel ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not badass. I shouldn't have told you," he mumbled.

Gabe laughed as he stood up from the table. He started to walk away when he paused. "One more thing, Castiel," he said, his tone mischievous. "You didn't happen to get a visit from Dean Winchester last night, did you?"

Castiel stiffened. "No, why do you ask?" he tried to say casually.

Gabriel grinned. "You're an awful liar," he laughed. "I'm not a huge fan of that guy myself, but as long as he keeps making you happy, he has my seal of approval. I'm just glad to have you back."

And with that, Gabriel bounded back upstairs, leaving Castiel in a good mood for the first time in years.

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><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** I hope you all are enjoying the budding relationships between family members that is occurring. I'll get the next chapter out within a week, I promise. I really do appreciate when you guys comment or PM me, it definitely helps motivate me to get chapters out quicker ;)**


	21. Chapter 21: What Love Is

**Author's Note:**** I apologize in advance for any mistakes, I just finished writing this chapter and wanted to keep my promise and get it posted, so I didn't send it to my beta reader beforehand. Anywho, I hope you all enjoy this next installment! Happy reading!**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 21: What Love Is<strong>

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><p>"So I've been thinking," Dean said to Cas as they gazed at the sky. It was a warm and sunny afternoon, which meant it was the perfect weather to go to the park and watch clouds (or in Castiel's case, bees).<p>

"About?" Castiel prompted, turning to look at the green-eyed boy lying in the grass beside him.

"It's just…" Dean hesitated, but forced himself to continue. "We've been… well, 'dating' for a while now, and I just thought that maybe it was time we tell our friends." Dean ran a hand through his hair, trying to bite back the nervousness that threatened to overtake him.

Castiel sat up and tilted his head, his eyes unreadable. "Really?" he asked dubiously. "You want to go public?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, Charlie and Benny already know something must be up since I've been acting like me again, and I can't really hide anything from Sammy, so I'm pretty sure he's put two and two together by now. Plus, my dad keeps asking when he can meet 'the boy that's making his son so happy.' And I mean, it's been 3 months, and I don't know how much longer we should put it off, and-"

Castiel cut off Dean's anxious rambling with a kiss. Dean closed his eyes and felt his muscles relax as his tension melted away. When Castiel pulled away, he was smiling. "Of course we can tell your friends and family," he replied, his eyes twinkling. "We could tell everyone at lunch on Monday, if you want."

Dean nodded. "That sounds good," he replied as he matched Castiel's grin with his own. "Now, come here." Dean pulled Castiel back down for a kiss, wrapping his arms tightly around the younger boy. Castiel pulled away, shaking his head humorously.

"You are insatiable," he laughed.

"If 'insatiable' means crazy about you, then I'd have to agree," Dean teased before letting Cas return to his side so he could once again watch the bees.

After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Castiel tentatively said, "I'm insatiable too, Dean."

Dean turned and kissed Cas's forehead, intertwining their fingers together. "Thank God," he teased. "I thought it was just me."

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><p>When Castiel got home, rather than heading straight for the basement like he used to do, he went upstairs to Gabriel's room. When he reached the doorway of his brother's bedroom, he found the door open and Gabe sitting on the bed with his laptop.<p>

Castiel knocked on the door frame. "Can I come in?"

Gabriel glanced up at Cas and went back to typing on his computer. "Sure, Cassie. Join the party."

Castiel entered the room and sat down at Gabe's desk chair. "What are you doing?"

His brother seemed to finish whatever he was doing and closed the laptop. "Just boring work stuff, but I'm done for now. What's up?"

Cas took a deep breath before saying, "I'm dating Dean. I have been for three months." He looked worriedly at his brother, waiting for some kind of reaction.

Gabe chuckled. "God, I _know_, Castiel. I think I've known since before the two of you even knew."

_THAT'S not the reaction I expected._

"What do you mean you knew?" Castiel asked, confused and mildly offended.

"I mean, it was sooooooo obvious. All the meaningful I-want-to-fuck-your-brains-out looks, all the unnecessary touching, not to mention your total lack of personal space."

Castiel furrowed his brow at his brother's language. "No need to be crude," he scolded. "And besides, there hasn't been any of… _that_ sort of thing going on."

"_Yet_," Gabe teased with an eyebrow wiggle.

Castiel blushed bright red. "Knock it off, Gabe," he mumbled.

Gabriel laughed, reaching over and ruffling Cas's hair. "You just let me know if he causes you any problems. I'll be sure to 'take care' of him."

Castiel snorted. "I'm fairly sure Dean could hold his own against you."

Gabe opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a feminine voice.

"What about Dean?" Anna said as she entered the room uninvited.

"Cassie's got a boyyyyyyfriend," Gabe sang, while at the same time Castiel quickly replied, "Nothing."

Anna's eyes opened wide in alarm. "Boyfriend?" She repeated incredulously. "Castiel, I thought we sorted this out a few months ago."

"Sorted what out?" Gabe said as he sat up, a hint of protectiveness in his voice.

Anna ignored him. "What happened to staying away from that boy?" she asked Castiel.

"Stop calling him 'that boy', Anna," Cas replied calmly. "Dean is kind and funny, he cares for me, and he puts his family above all else. _He_ is everything a Novak should be, not me, not you, and certainly not our father."

Anna's eyes flared with frustration. "Is he intelligent? Can he hack into any computer system or data base on the planet? Does he know how to run a multimillion dollar company?"

"Those things don't matter, Anna!" Castiel exclaimed. "What matters is family. A real man _protects_ his children, he doesn't beat them half to death! A good father would never teach his children that love is conditional- love should come with no strings attached."

Anna rolled her eyes. "Really, Cassie, you're so overdramatic. Our father may have hit you a few times to keep you in line, but he would never put you in danger. He protects his family from the real threat- poverty and starvation. _Love_ is for the poor and the demented, not for Novaks."

"Well, maybe it should be!" Cas shouted angrily. "Why don't we deserve love, Anna? Why do only the 'poor and demented' get to be happy? I want to be loved, Anna. I'm done being used and tossed away."

"You want to be _loved_? Listen to yourself! We love you! Your family loves you. And your father, the man that brought you to existence, loves you."

"HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS," Castiel screamed. He felt himself tearing away the walls he had built, accepting the truth by acknowledging it out loud._ I didn't deserve anything my father did to me._

"And you think _Dean_ does?" Anna laughed cruelly. "He's using you, Cassie! He'll get in your pants and then he'll leave you behind, broken and tarnished- that is, more so than already," she retorted.

Gabriel had sat staring with wide eyes, but at Anna's snarky comment he jumped to Castiel's defense, pushing himself up from the bed.

"Castiel is NOT tarnished," he insisted firmly. "He's happy. Dean makes him happy, and he deserves that. You can't tell him what to do. We both gave up that right when we left him behind."

"Stay out of this, Gabriel," Anna snarled. "We all know what you think. You just want to have a good time, wasting your money on drugs just to get a quick high. Of course you agree with Castiel- you're trying to make him as bad as you."

Hurt blossomed in Gabriel's eyes, but it was quickly replaced by resolution. "I am CLEAN," he hissed. "I made mistakes, Anna. It's what makes me human- not that you would understand what that's like."

Anna dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "Castiel," she said, turning back to her younger brother. "Please tell me you'll stop seeing that b-… Dean." She practically choked on his name, as if it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Castiel looked at her coolly. "I'm not telling you anything. This is over, Anna. I want you out of my house by the end of the week. You are no longer welcome here."

"I… what?" she replied, stunned. "You can't kick me out."

"Yes," Castiel said aloofly. "I can."

And with that, he walked out the room and headed to the basement, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders.

* * *

><p>Anna turned on Gabriel. "Why are you taking <em>his<em> side?" She hissed. "He's the reason Claire is dead."

Gabe ran a hand through his hair. "No, Anna, he's not! I am! Okay? I was supposed to watch Claire, but I went out for my 'quick high,' and she died. End of story. Claire is dead, and I'm the one to blame. But blaming me isn't going to bring her back. And forcing Castiel to live unhappily won't make him turn to you. It will just push him away more."

Anna scoffed, looking away from her brother. "He can't kick me out," she repeated, less certain than before.

"It's his house, Anna. And frankly, I don't blame him. All you do is try to bully people into staying with you." Gabriel stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure Castiel is the one looking for love in the wrong places?"

Anna shook him off and walked out, choosing not to dignify his stupid comment with a response.

She tried to shake off the thought gnawing at her as she headed back to her temporary room.

_My family is falling apart._

It was time for drastic measures.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Author's Note:<strong> **Family drama! As always, let me know what you guys think :)**


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